Need urgent advice for a friend!

[GusIsAGirl]

GusIsAGirl wrote:

“Is there any possibility of them giving the child up for adoption? I don’t think marriage is in the best interest of either of them at this point. If she raises the baby, the courts absolutely will force him to pay child support for 18 years, which also puts a huge crimp in his finding the kind of wife he thinks he deserves.”

Bear in mind that they seem to be in Nigeria, so a lot of things probably work differently–the attitude toward unwed parenting, the legal environment, expectations of support from unmarried fathers, etc.

Oops! I somehow missed that. That does change things, although I think adoption may still be the best option.

 

[eva77]

GusIsAGirl wrote:

“Is there any possibility of them giving the child up for adoption? I don’t think marriage is in the best interest of either of them at this point. If she raises the baby, the courts absolutely will force him to pay child support for 18 years, which also puts a huge crimp in his finding the kind of wife he thinks he deserves.”

Bear in mind that they seem to be in Nigeria, so a lot of things probably work differently–the attitude toward unwed parenting, the legal environment, expectations of support from unmarried fathers, etc.

You are correct, the attitude is totally different, most of society tends to outcast/shun unmarried mothers, (that doesn’t mean we don’t have them though), on the other hand, its no problem for a man to have children before marriage. However it is a general practise for pregnancy to be the reason people get married, just get knocked up and the girl’s family usually pressures the boy into marrying their daughter, and the boy basically gives in.
That’s why she agreed to the vacation,when he refused to commit immediately, because she would bear the brunt of the shame.

@GusIsAGirl…Adoption is not an option here. Most kids put in homes,are orphans, abandoned children etc. Society welcomes children, even if the parents don’t want the child, an aunt or uncle or sister or cousin or grandparent, any relative would definitely take the child. There’s a proverb in nigeria ‘‘the child belongs to the village not the parents’’. However, Dan doesn’t even want her to raise the baby, he wants to keep the child himself.

 

[St_Francis]

You are correct, the attitude is totally different, most of society tends to outcast/shun unmarried mothers, (that doesn’t mean we don’t have them though), on the other hand, its no problem for a man to have children before marriage. However it is a general practise for pregnancy to be the reason people get married, just get knocked up and the girl’s family usually pressures the boy into marrying their daughter, and the boy basically gives in.
That’s why she agreed to the vacation,when he refused to commit immediately, because she would bear the brunt of the shame.

@GusIsAGirl…Adoption is not an option here. Most kids put in homes,are orphans, abandoned children etc. Society welcomes children, even if the parents don’t want the child, an aunt or uncle or sister or cousin or grandparent, any relative would definitely take the child. There’s a proverb in nigeria ‘‘the child belongs to the village not the parents’’. However, Dan doesn’t even want her to raise the baby, he wants to keep the child himself.

What? Dan wants to keep the baby himself? Does he think his parents won’t notice he has a baby?!?!

I too did not realize that all this is taking place in Nigeria I do not think that we in the US are in a position to give good advice because few of us are knowledgeable about the situation there. Dan and the mother of his child should go and talk with a good priest there in Nigeria who understands how it is there.

 

[eva77]

What? **** Dan wants to keep the baby himself? Does he think his parents won’t notice he has a baby?!?! ****

I too did not realize that all this is taking place in Nigeria I do not think that we in the US are in a position to give good advice because few of us are knowledgeable about the situation there. Dan and the mother of his child should go and talk with a good priest there in Nigeria who understands how it is there.

That was my very first point of argument actually, and the poor guy had no reasonable reply to that.

Thanks everyone, i guess we will just have to handle this Nigerian style