Needing answers

[stepmom]

Ok, I’m real new to this so please be patient with me. I am newly married ( 6 months) to a wonderful man. He has serious health issues that I was aware of before the marriage. After we got married he decided that he wanted to get back into church which is wonderful and I fully support. I agreed to learn about his faith and have decided that I want to convert not only for him but for myself also. His past is one that by the churches standard was full of debauchery and hedonism. But people make mistakes and he is now trying to make things right. I am having trouble with the fact that 1. we have never consumated our marriage because he can’t. 2. I am very insecure because of this and of his past. 3. He has a problem with porn.
How do I get past this? I want to have a normal relationship with my husband. Everything in our life is perfect except this one aspect. Can anyone help me on this?

 

[TheGarg]

stepmom:

Ok, I’m real new to this so please be patient with me. I am newly married ( 6 months) to a wonderful man. He has serious health issues that I was aware of before the marriage. After we got married he decided that he wanted to get back into church which is wonderful and I fully support. I agreed to learn about his faith and have decided that I want to convert not only for him but for myself also. His past is one that by the churches standard was full of debauchery and hedonism. But people make mistakes and he is now trying to make things right. I am having trouble with the fact that 1. we have never consumated our marriage because he can’t. 2. I am very insecure because of this and of his past. 3. He has a problem with porn.
How do I get past this? I want to have a normal relationship with my husband. Everything in our life is perfect except this one aspect. Can anyone help me on this?

“Pray and Forgive” – Mother Theresa

We can only change ourselves, the only thing we can do for others is be faithful to our Catholic faith and be a living example of Christ’s Love.

 

[monica_fan]

Welcome to the forum, stepmom. That’s wonderful that you want to convert and he wants to return to the faith. You both are making a very important first step. I would also recommend that the two of you look into this website trueknights.org and read Ken’s conversion story. It sounds somewhat like your husband’s story. I hope it will help. Please be patient with each other and I will be praying for you both. God bless~

 

[Kater30]

Honey, I know how you feel. I am not a Catholic but my boyfriend is. When I think about what we can/cannot do because he is still married in the eyes of the church I just Thank God right away that I am blessed with a boyfriend who loves the Lord so much that he is willing to sacrifice for His commands. I’m thankful that his loyaltie’s are to the Lord. And if I didn’t love him so much I would probably be upset. But I only want what the Lord wants for him and for him to be happy, no matter what happens with us. This is the time that you need to really research and pray and stick with your husband no matter what! I’ll be praying for you as well.

 

[carrieloon]

What do you mean you “can’t” consummate your marriage but he has a problem with porn?

I’m not understanding that part. If he has no erectile problems with pornography, then he should be able to make love to his wife. What I’m saying is…it is not a physical or health related issue if he can still masturbate.

I would insist on counseling right away.

Did you consciously marry him, knowing that he would never have sex with you? If so, why would you agree to such an arrangement?

What steps is he willing to take to fix the problem?

 

[jrabs]

carrieloon:

What do you mean you “can’t” consummate your marriage but he has a problem with porn?

I’m not understanding that part. If he has no erectile problems with pornography, then he should be able to make love to his wife. What I’m saying is…it is not a physical or health related issue if he can still masturbate.

I would insist on counseling right away.

Did you consciously marry him, knowing that he would never have sex with you? If so, why would you agree to such an arrangement?

What steps is he willing to take to fix the problem?

Mary and Joseph wedded with complete understanding that their’s would be a pure and unconsummated marriage. While uncommon, it is possible.

She also did not say he was able to perform in any physical way - just that he had a porn addiction - not that he was masterbating. If he is unable to perform, he still may have an addictive appitite for porn.

So Stepmom, why are you having trouble with the consummation part if you knew ahead of time that he was unable? That does not make a marriage - Mary and Joseph were no less married.

Insecurity is yours to deal with. I believe the enemy plays with us this way. This is one that you need to address and pray for help in dissolving this problem. The Holy Spirit can help with this. Forgive his past, because that is where it should stay. Has your past been pristine before God? That is what forgiveness in a marriage is all about. Love him and let his past slip away.

It is wonderful that you are supporting his re-version to the church. It is equally wonderful that you want to convert. May you both find healing in the sacraments that Jesus has given us.

God Bless you and give you a strong marriage.