Needing prayer and counsel - Family and faith in crisis

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I am seeking both advise and prayer here and don’t know where else to turn. PLEASE HELP.

I am the eldest of my families children and my Mother remarried some 21 years ago. My Step Father recently became a Catholic Deacon 5 years ago and we, the children had some concerns at the time that his addictions to internet porn were still in place but we had not discussed this with our Mother as we did not want to cause trouble as it is her marriage and surely she knew about it or did she? Anyway it was never brought to the churches attention by myself or my siblings as we did not know how to bring it up and especially without proof.

My Brother has recently found that not only has the interest in online porn is not gone but found photos of him partaking in sexual acts as well with various partners non of which are our mother and some are men. He did not know how to handle this other than being angrered and full of rage but did not obtain proof to take to the church or our mother. Our step father was made aware that he had been found out before anyone could get these images off the computer so I again have no proof to take to the church or my mother.

I am concerned for two reasons, not only is he subjecting my mother to the possibility of diseases as he might be safe but who is to say these partners are but he is also now in a position that could be criminally neglagent as his outside ministry is working with recovering sexual offenders.

How can I go about informing the right people without destroying lives, relationships and the possibility of this being swept under the rug. I am sruggling with this issue and need to know what I can do with limited to no proof other than my word and the word of my brother.
 
There is no easy way out, but you know you have a moral duty with God, the truth, and your mom.

You know you can not win everything, you understand something will be won, and something will be lost. It’s like they say: “No pain, no gain”.

The choices are all yours, and you have already made them (long before you posted here).

God be with you!
 
Dear Smarogers,

I’m so sorry to hear about your step-father’s porn addiction and activity outside his marriage.

For sure, porn is rotten to the core. The Western media usually has this to say, “Porn? What about it? Everyone does it!! And no-one gets hurt. And if you feel hurt by someone close to you viewing porn, you’re immature.” The Western media either doesn’t get it or, more likely, is subversive, immoral, and itself immature on this issue (and many others).

I think you are right not to approach your mother for now, at least. I would say that if you and all your siblings testified together then that would be evidence enough…but maybe that’s just me, so don’t take my word for it…see what others have to say. Perhaps, if you’re able, you could go to another town and ask a priest who doesn’t know your family for advice.

You will all be in my thoughts and my prayers.

God Bless,
Siobhán.
 
This is a very sad situation. Ideally, your step father should own up to his actions and do the right thing, but that will probably not happen. This is a grave scandel in the Church, and the pastor and bishop should be made aware of it immediately. Your mother may or may not know, but she should be told. Better she hear it from you or another family member, than from some stranger, or worse. Addiction to porn is our silent, national shame. 😦
 
This is a very, very ugly situation.

What’s ahead is a lot of pain. I do not see any other choice in this than to go to your mother, your priest, and your bishop about this. To allow it to continue is wrong. To act is to show the kind of love Jesus showed in His sorrowful passion.

Your mother is in danger. Do you want her to get HIV or herpes? For her safety, she needs to know that she must not be intimate with your father, and that she must be tested for STDs. Her safety trumps her feelings. This will be hard. Ask for the help of the Holy Family.

Your priest needs to know. Your father is abusing his ministry to sexual offenders. He is a sexual offender, and is in need of counseling himself. What he is doing may be legal according to civil law, but it is a terrible violation of God’s law.

Your bishop needs to know. Sexual scandal in the Church needs to be dealt with by the church before the scandal breaks, not afterward. We don’t want the media to say the Church swept it under the rug.

Your father is in danger of burning in hell for eternity! What is more important than that?

I’ll pray for you and him. You are having your own Agony in the Garden. Jesus knows all about that, and He will help you and strengthen you. God bless you and your family in this time of trouble.

Ruthie
 
lives and relationshps are runied by sin-- even if the sin is secret-- not by truth.

tell his bishop. immediately.
 
smarogers said:
I am seeking both advise and prayer here and don’t know where else to turn. PLEASE HELP.

I am the eldest of my families children and my Mother remarried some 21 years ago. My Step Father recently became a Catholic Deacon 5 years ago and we, the children had some concerns at the time that his addictions to internet porn were still in place but we had not discussed this with our Mother as we did not want to cause trouble as it is her marriage and surely she knew about it or did she? Anyway it was never brought to the churches attention by myself or my siblings as we did not know how to bring it up and especially without proof.

My Brother has recently found that not only has the interest in online porn is not gone but found photos of him partaking in sexual acts as well with various partners non of which are our mother and some are men. He did not know how to handle this other than being angrered and full of rage but did not obtain proof to take to the church or our mother. Our step father was made aware that he had been found out before anyone could get these images off the computer so I again have no proof to take to the church or my mother.

I am concerned for two reasons, not only is he subjecting my mother to the possibility of diseases as he might be safe but who is to say these partners are but he is also now in a position that could be criminally neglagent as his outside ministry is working with recovering sexual offenders.

How can I go about informing the right people without destroying lives, relationships and the possibility of this being swept under the rug. I am sruggling with this issue and need to know what I can do with limited to no proof other than my word and the word of my brother.
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As long as you and your brother have both seen the images, you both need to confront your step father. This needs to be done right away. If he doesn’t tell your mother (and the church) about this… YOU WILL!

You need to be loving toward him because he is a very sick man who needs help. But your number one priority is to protect your mother!
:cool:
 
I would talk to a priest about it. It doesn’t have to be your step-father’s priest. A priest would be able to guide you on the best approach to reporting this to the right church authorities.
 
if you have certain knowledge that someone connected with the church is doing this it is your obligation to report it to the person the bishop of the diocese has designated. your diocesan website will list that person, who is usually the vicar general. you have no choice in the matter, it must be reported now that it is known, and should have been reported the instant there was substantive evidence. You must also report to his pastor, as parish computers may have been involved in this.
 
Smarogers, how are things going if you don’t mind me asking? If things are the same, I think you should tell the Bishop right away. I remembered you and your family at Sunday Mass.
 
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