Never to be seen again?

[english_guy]

Hello everyone,
I went to Mass last night, it was First Holy Communions, there were people there who I had never seen there before. They were I suppose extended family members, they talked all through Mass, kept turning around and talking to people, did not know when to stand or sit, did not pray, sing, and then went up to receive!!. WHY?.
I could not help observing these people as they were directly in front of me, I just find it so pointless these people being there, they might seem to be supporting their family but I just think they are so hypocritical. Sorry for the rant but I have seen this so many times it just makes me despair.I just hope and pray the children keep up with their faith,
God Bless,
Mick.

 

[puzzleannie]

because the rest of the family and guests a) may not be Catholic at all b)never have been inside a church of any denomination and simply were never taught how to behave c)are Catholics who have rejected all or part of the Church teaching and discipline and are there “for” the first communicant and just waiting for the party to start.

In any case, we do not and cannot know the reasons, so useless to speculate. All we can do, and I am speaking to those of use directly responsible for preparing children and their parents and sponsors for sacraments, is do our best to educate them on the faith and sacraments, their meaning, and on the Mass. We can’t teach or reach people who don’t come to us. so forgive us if on first communion day you witness scenes that defy explanation.

 

[english_guy]

Hi puzzleannie,
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate what you are saying, I do try and look at all the options before I make a judgement, it’s just that it is so obvious what is going on. Anyway I suppose I should really not judge lest I should be judged!. Thanks again and also to anyone else who replies,
God Bless,
Mick.

 

[Sr_Sally]

You will see this kind of behavior at all ‘special’ Masses–Christmas (midnight Mass), Easter, First Holy Communion, Confirmation etc.

I usually try to avoid the Masses that will be most crowded unless my son is serving or we need/want to be there for some other reason. I do love Midnight Mass and the Easter vigil, but often find myself so distracted by the kind of behavior you witnessed that it becomes self-defeating. So are a family we try to attend the early morning Mass on Christmas Day and Easter Sunday.

Our parish is very large so there are special Masses for First Holy Communion and Confirmation. Again, we simply avoid those whenever possible.

 

[dachsiemom]

I recently went to a mass - not knowing ahead it was the confirmation mass. Same thing! Talking, kids acting out of order. Church was packed and some were running up and down the main aisle taking pics. Clapping. Half I doubt had ever been to a church. Also many inappropriately dressed. My tolerance wore thin and I am embarressed to say, but I got up and left during confirmation and before the eucharist. Missed mass this particular week. From now on I am reading the bulliten a bit more thoroughly.

 

[puzzleannie]

Hi puzzleannie,
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate what you are saying, I do try and look at all the options before I make a judgement, it’s just that it is so obvious what is going on. Anyway I suppose I should really not judge lest I should be judged!. Thanks again and also to anyone else who replies,
God Bless,
Mick.

I thought of another way to look at it, because your thread title is exactly what I start thinking–maybe we evangelize simply by welcoming these people to Mass on these special occasions, on the holy days, Christmas etc., and our example and of course the grace of the Eucharist will plant the seed. I do have to say that every year their are cousins or other relatives of the first communion and confirmation candidates who come to use because now they too want to receive their sacraments, and through them hopefully we will reach the parents.

 

[StrawberryJam]

Hello everyone,
I went to Mass last night, it was First Holy Communions, there were people there who I had never seen there before. They were I suppose extended family members, they talked all through Mass, kept turning around and talking to people, did not know when to stand or sit, did not pray, sing, and then went up to receive!!. WHY?.
I could not help observing these people as they were directly in front of me, I just find it so pointless these people being there, **they might seem to be supporting their family but **I just think they are so hypocritical. Sorry for the rant but I have seen this so many times it just makes me despair.I just hope and pray the children keep up with their faith,
God Bless,
Mick.

 

[Hesychios]

These events serve a social community function.

I think that most of these people (“guests”) are probably former Catholics or people that will still identify themselves as Catholic but don’t really believe in it. You may find that a significant number of the First Communicants will not be around for very long either.

Also, this event symbolizes the end of their catechesis, and many of these children will not progress in their knowledge of the Faith from this point on, about a third grade level. Their parents are not likely to see a problem with that.

Statistics are hard to come by, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there are tens of millions of these people out there in the USA alone, most are not registered in any parish. I suppose it should not be a surprise to find this happening in Britain too.

 

[Thomas63116]

Hello everyone,
I went to Mass last night, it was First Holy Communions, there were people there who I had never seen there before. They were I suppose extended family members, they talked all through Mass, kept turning around and talking to people, did not know when to stand or sit, did not pray, sing, and then went up to receive!!. WHY?.
I could not help observing these people as they were directly in front of me, I just find it so pointless these people being there, they might seem to be supporting their family but I just think they are so hypocritical. Sorry for the rant but I have seen this so many times it just makes me despair.I just hope and pray the children keep up with their faith,
God Bless,
Mick.

I sympathize with what you are saying, but as I pointed out on another thread earlier today, let’s try to remember not to judge people’s actions more harshly than necessary, and to interpret them in the most charitable light possible, rather than the most negative light possibble.

Yes, we have all witnessed people behaving inappropriately at Mass and you witnessed it last night. Yes, the incidence of this behavior probably increases exponentially at “special” Masses, including first communions, confirmations, weddings. Christmas, Easter, etc. Some of this is probably due to people who don’t set foot in Church except for special occassions and simply don’t know (or care) how to behave.

However, let’s also remember that people who may attend regularly and behave appropriately under “normal” circumstances (i.e. in their own parish on any given Sunday) may not model that behavior at a “special” Mass. Some of the reasons for this may include:

1. They are reuinted with friends and family they have not seen for a long time and find it hard to wait to start “visiting” until the party afterwards.
2. They are confused by some of the changes in the cermeony that come with the “special event” and therefore miss some of the usual cues for when to stand, sit, and kneel.
3. They are unfamiliar with some of the hymns in this parish, and therefore do not participate as fully as they normally would.
4. They are distracted with thoughts about the party afterwards, their travel plans and accomodations if visiting from out of town, etc. and do not focus their attention the way they should on the Mass.
5. They are hot, tired and/or grumpy about being crammed into an unfamiliar and unusually crowded church where they are jostling about with strangers and therefore do not focus their attention or participate as fully as they should.

None of these are excuses for the behavior you witnessed, but they are explanations which are plausible and more charitable than an assumption that they are all hippocrites who never set foot in a church before and will be a bad influence on the first communicants.

Surely some of them are not regular attendees, and if on those occassions they do attend they are greeted with hostility and scorn (which seems to be the dominant response here)rather than understanding and patience, they will be that much less likely to return.

 

[mlouise007]

Church was packed and some were running up and down the main aisle taking pics.

I was scheduled to be a EMHC at a recent First Holy Communion in my parish. A priest from the Chancery presided. He graciously and appropriately welcomed all and mentioned some etiquette, including re taking photos. The second time a photographer, appeared to be a professional, popped up next to the front pew Father turned to him and said not to do it again or he, photographer, would need to leave. He did begin to run up the aisle again, Father shot him a glance and the photographer slunk back. I was on the edge of my seat quite prepared to go up to the guy myself had he not backed up.

At the end of Mass when the photos were beginning in earnest, which the priest had made clear would be a time for photos, I quickly told him how much I appreciated his taking control of the photographer during the Mass. He said he had sadly had to kick someone out at another time and was prepared to do so again.

The other part of that Mass I clearly remember was the children gathered around the priest at his feet as he spoke so beautifully, at length, to them.

 

[Frosty]

Surely some of them are not regular attendees, and if on those occassions they do attend they are greeted with hostility and scorn (which seems to be the dominant response here)rather than understanding and patience, they will be that much less likely to return.

Exactly! We never know if a spark is kindled during these special occassions that may induce people to embrace or re-embrace the faith. It could be something as simple as a welcoming smile or a nod of the head from a regular parishoner. Perhaps it could be the obvious reverence and humility of the pastor as he celebrates the Mass or something in his homily that reaches deep into a person’s heart.
The First Communion Mass at my parish was a couple of weeks ago. Fourty-nine children received First Communion so there was an enormous number of people at church who were not regular parishoners. Yes, there were some who chatted with their neighbours before Mass began and some who didn’t seem to know when to stand or kneel but on the whole, during Mass it was amazingly quiet. Our pastor made it very clear that no pictures were to be taken during the childrens’ reception of Communion and that pictures would be allowed at the end of Mass for only two minutes. He had the children line up in rows on the steps in front of the altar, and stood in their midst. When he had everyone arranged properly, he invited those who wished to take pictures to come up and do so. He meant two minutes and stuck to it! As the children left the altar steps , Father said that he was pleased as always to see so many unfamiliar faces in the pews but he just wanted to remind them that we are always there at the same time every single Sunday of the year and the doors are always open.
Now, to get back to the notion of a “spark”. Our Daily Mass on Tuesdays is at 7pm. This past Tuesday after Mass, I was standing outside on the church steps chatting with a couple of the other parishoners when a woman we didn’t know came out the doors and joined us. We asked her if she was a new parishoner and if so. could we help her with any questions she might have. Her reply was that she had been a member of this parish as a child over thirty years ago but had stopped practicing the faith once she finished high school. To make a long story short, she had been at the First Communion Mass at the invitation of a niece. She had been very impressed by the warmth of the regular parishoners and what she described as the evident joy on so many faces, not just parents and relatives, as those children went up to receive their First Communion. Mostly though, it was the pastor’s rapport with the children and his saying that the doors are always open that lit the fire in her to want to return to the Church. She said that she had been told by other people who had basically stopped attending Mass that regular Mass attendees were not friendly to them, were very disdainful and had somewhat of a superior attitude. This made her very nervous and hesitant so she had made an appointment with the pastor a few days after the First Communion Mass. Apparently this meeting went swimmingly and her other first contacts with the regulars have been positive as well. One just never knows what it will take to bring someone back into the fold.

 

[puzzleannie]

some of our best evangelizers are the first communicants and confirmands themselves, and as I say, every year a few of them bring me cousins and friends who now want to participate, to receive the sacraments, and to share the joy this child has found. Fully half or more of our adult confirmation and RCIA classes come to us this way, through a child in the family or among friends who is preparing for sacraments, with a spark ignited at the first communion, confirmation or baptism Mass and rite. The Easter Vigil is very potent for this. I have 3 of our neophytes, now in mystagogy, who have brought and will sponsor friends or relatives in RCIA.

 

[Sarabande]

Hello everyone,
I went to Mass last night, it was First Holy Communions, there were people there who I had never seen there before. They were I suppose extended family members, they talked all through Mass, kept turning around and talking to people, did not know when to stand or sit, did not pray, sing, and then went up to receive!!. WHY?.
I could not help observing these people as they were directly in front of me, I just find it so pointless these people being there, they might seem to be supporting their family but I just think they are so hypocritical. Sorry for the rant but I have seen this so many times it just makes me despair.I just hope and pray the children keep up with their faith,

I think sometimes, for special masses like these, many of the people in attendance may not be Catholic or not really practicing. That all said, I recently attended my cousin’s Confirmation. The people who you thought would know better and are well-behaved at a regular Sunday mass, were actually the worst “offenders”. They start it, and then the people around them begin to think it’s ok to socialize - throughout the entire mass. Before the mass began, they even had a person come up to remind everyone that we were in a house of God and that this was to be a mass, so we should show reverence and quiet during the mass. The people were quiet for like 5 minutes, then a little drone began, which got louder and louder and louder until it became a social hall. And this would happen in spurts during the mass. It’s all because family members (members who actually were Catholic and attended mass weekly) would start talking about their girl or boy making the confirmation and it just escalates. Actually, in our group, the ones who weren’t really practicing were actually better behaved than one of the family members who actually was practicing.