Never too old for advice and requesting

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DENNYINMI

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I am a devout Catholic, age 53, and annulled through the Archdiocese of Detroit over 16 years ago. I have always hoped if it were Gods’ will to marry again. I am not naive in regards to the possibility of marriage the older one gets becomes slimmer. Regardless, the Lord knows the desires of ones heart, and if its’ not in the cards or ever to be, I trust He, Himself will remove this desire.
Cut to the chase: Requesting mature advise, with thankfulness ahead of time!!!
He’s 60, an intellectual, and yes…it was an online meeting over a year ago. His style of writing is what attracted me at first, and through a series of correspondence, lets just say I ‘fell for him’. He backed off when I further suggested through his own ‘initiation’ of writing to me that would be romantically interested. He suggested he must refrain from such a suggestion due to the fact he has not pursued an anullment, but felt after talking to a Priest he would have no trouble obtaining one.

I’m in a soul ‘tangle’. I am angry at the prospect of feeling as if I have devoted too much ‘heart’ and mind time (for lack of better wording?) on him. I have a hope…and it is making my heart sick. We have stopped correspondence, yet I see him, and he sees me posting regularily within this online forum.

How can one untangle thoughts of someone they have developed a hope for…when the possibility of it becoming a reality is quite slim?

It is interfering with prayer, I feel hurt, I feel somewhat angry at times…as if I was pulled into something that he knew beforehand could never be.

How can one heal a broken heart…?
 
I am about your age, with teen and young adult children. What I see is that long-distance or correspondence relationships have good points and bad points–fewer occasions of sin physically, but more opportunity for our imaginations to dream wildly without the balance of actual reality, sometimes (not saying in your case) leading to a “relationship” with someone one has filled in with the imagination.

Maybe if you get out more and do things irl and less online for a while, kind of like avoiding the places one might run into an old flame…
 
I do not know why God should lead you into a position of having hope to receive the sacrament of marriage and that you have a sense of that call only to disappoint you. If I could answer such things, I would. I can only say that when we feel this, “betrayal,” for lack of a better word, and I do only mean “feel” it, not that it truly exists, what can we do but look to Jesus, whom prayed with blood in his sweat for a cup to pass from him, yet the Father willed that he would not forgo that trial. So if Jesus led the way first, that is a consolation in times of hurt and disappointment. What can we do then, when we don’t understand, but echo Peter’s words amidst his own lack of understanding and say, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” I pray you have a happy ending on this matter.
 
DENNYINMI said:
I’m in a soul ‘tangle’. I am angry at the prospect of feeling as if I have devoted too much ‘heart’ and mind time (for lack of better wording?) on him. I have a hope…and it is making my heart sick. We have stopped correspondence, yet I see him, and he sees me posting regularily within this online forum.

How can one untangle thoughts of someone they have developed a hope for…when the possibility of it becoming a reality is quite slim?

It is interfering with prayer, I feel hurt, I feel somewhat angry at times…as if I was pulled into something that he knew beforehand could never be.

How can one heal a broken heart…?
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I think your anger is a normal response and I’m glad you’ve stopped corresponding with him. But, we have to remember that guys are guys, even old guys, and they just don’t think and react as we do. It seriously might never have occurred to him that your feelings went beyond enjoying the connection you made.

I have been on forums for almost twenty years now and have had several, I guess you’d call them “intimate” relationships with men and women, that is, a real meeting of minds and hearts. I knew one woman who was so much like me, forum members accused of of being the same person because our posts were so much alike.

It sounds to me like you were both seeking some companionship and found each other. Men feed egos with the attention of women but they don’t think of romance with all of them. Women feed their sense of purpose by association with men and most often think of seguing into permanent bonds. It’s a wonder we ever get married.

So, you miss him. There’s a big hole where your interchanges used to be. And if he’s posting here, it’s not like a clean break, is it? I suggest getting offline for a while. Spring is coming, time to get involved in something new. Use the time you used to spend learning something new, rearranging your house, volunteering in a new way, joining a library book club.

And, at least, if you want to stay here, put him on ignore for a while so you don’t have to read his posts. Otherwise it’s like biting on a bad tooth. I’m 63, BTW. BTDT. Fill your life with goodness and interest and activity. This will pass, as we know. Give yourself time.
 
These are some heartfelt responses, I thank you and will offer a special prayer for your intentions at Mass today. These responses meant much to me.

Thank you.
 
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