New and Confused, Marriage Changing

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Soccer mom,

I think your overwhelmed feeling is one that is widely shared. I agree with the posters who say that the activities should be cut back. We have two kids, and we did that, to some extent, although the kids are still busy enough - karate, dancing softball, robotics, etc. Always something going on.

That said, my wife and I often do these things together. For instance, we now have evening softball games, and I try to meet my wife at these games so we we can watch the second half of it together. We often go grocery shopping together. If we need a new trashcan, we go to get it together. Yes, sometimes we bring the kids. I like to be with her, and she with me. We don’t need to be doing something as purposeful as a candlelit dinner to enjoy each other. We can feel the love in Aisle 36 at Wal-Mart; it doesn’t matter what we’re doing, but we try to be together whatever it is.

That’s what works for us, if it helps. The sexual stuff just follows because daily life grows the love.
 
One other thing. Again speaking for my wife and I, one of our most important parental tasks is to model a good marriage for our children. My parents were married for 56 years, and truth be told their skills at building up the resumes of us kids were negligible. But my 6 brothers and I saw them fight through whatever adversity came along to keep their marriage going no matter what. Amongst those six brothers, and me there has been only one divorce (not mine, btw).

Kids will not see marriage modelling anywhere else, certainly not on TV. I would not fight to the death to keep my kid’s status as top soccer goal scorer in the 10 and 11 year old league, but I would fight to the death to keep our marriage alive. Your kids are watching your struggles; why not let them see how hard you and your husband will fight to save the marriage?
 
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