New Beginnings and In Need of Advice

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I apologize for the long post, but I needed to add some backstory. After Lent I have had a lot of time for introspection and have gotten a little better with my mental health and my Scrupulosity/Religious OCD but I have a few questions…
  1. Because of my OCD I suffer from an extreme amount of guilt. My OCD makes me feel like a monster. I hate myself over every little transgression (sometimes for things that aren’t even sinful or I don’t actually remember doing but my OCD makes me feel like I did). At these moment I become very self-centered, angry (both at myself and/or God), and fall into despair (as you can imagine, it all goes downhill from there). How can I keep my focus on God instead of myself and not become angry/fearful in moments of intense guilt?
  2. I realize that a lot of my OCD comes from me wrongly assuming I can control everything. How can I put my trust in God and stop being self-righteous?
  3. My third question is regarding confession: I really want to go but I’m scared. I’ve been to confession before, but every time I leave feeling like I forgot something (or my OCD will convince me that I have omitted it on purpose). I guess my questions are: how specific do you have to be in confession? I have some awfully distressing and disgusting intrusive thoughts that I don’t know how specific I should be about (for the priest’s sake). It may sound weird, but my OCD will also give me false memories: as in it will tell me that I did something bad or make me feel like I did something bad when I didn’t (or, at least, don’t think that I did). Should I confess things that I don’t know/am not sure if I did or not? Should I start of beforehand telling the priest that I have OCD and that not everything I say will make sense or be rational? This is just a very difficult sacrament for me because my OCD causes me to be very doubtful and second guess everything I do. One of the biggest things that I’m fighting my OCD about is that “If you forget something/don’t give enough information/don’t know if something is important to say (and you don’t say it) then you’re omitting and the confession isn’t valid”.
I apologize again for the lengthy post. Any advice or answers will be helpful. I’m not looking to be perfect in a couple of days. Just better. Just so I don’t feel like the monster that my OCD makes me think I am.
 
I’m really sorry you’re struggling so much. Are you getting help for your OCD? If not, I really, really recommend you talk to a doctor or a therapist, so you can start to deal with it productively. I would also suggest you get a Spiritual Director you can talk to, to help you with all your worries about confession. I’m not Catholic so I can’t tell you how specific you need to be with regards to confession, but I think if you find someone offline to talk to face to face, it will really help you. I hope you feel better soon.
 
The way you deal with all these things is to get professional psychological help.
 
The other posters have told you great advice already, but here are some points
  1. Remember that you are not a thought! A thought you are not! You are much more. Think on Christ Jesus and focus on His Divine Mercy. Bring everything back to God and not you. Think, “I want to be so angry at myself for thinking of x. But, does God want me to treat myself like this for intrusive thoughts that I am not at fault for? Am I the Judge, or is God the Judge?”
  2. Realize everything comes from God and that He can easily take it away. This can help stop pride. If tempted, perhaps pray for Grace from God to avoid sin. Know that without His Grace, we could not go long without mortal sin. This has been declared by a Council.
  3. You don’t have to be very specific, just sins and number. Yes, perhaps mention your OCD to the priest. Know some of the Canon Law. What it takes for a sin to be mortal. What makes a valid confession.
    If you forget a sin, it is still forgiven in confession. Be at peace.
 
almostfound said:
I realize that a lot of my OCD comes from me wrongly assuming I can control everything. How can I put my trust in God and stop being self-righteous?
Click to expand...
My understanding is that OCD is most likely caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, not from wanting to control everything. The desire to control everything is actually just a symptom of the condition.
 
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