New EMHC-will I stop being so nervous once I serve more often?

[disciple198]

Before typing the rest of this, I am not intending for this to be a heated discussion on the use of EMHCs. So if you disagree with the use of them, that’s fine, but this post is not the place for it.

I am a university student (22M) who just became an EMHC at my home parish. Due to being at school, I have only served twice since my training in October (the Sunday before Columbus Day and this morning). I was fully confident in my training, but the first time I served I was extremely nervous and my hand was visibly shaking as I was distributing the Precious Body. Luckily I did not make any mistakes and I felt a little better as I made my way through the line. This morning I figured it would be fine, but I became extremely nervous again as the time got closer for me to go up to the altar. Due to Thanksgiving, the church was fairly empty, and it was only myself and one other EMHC giving out Communion, as well as the priest and deacon. I couldn’t sing when I was up at the altar due to my throat and stomach tensing up, and my hands were shaking once again, even though I had the chalice this time so it was not as noticeable. Once again, I did everything perfectly and I did feel better as I gave out the Precious Blood to more people. But my stomach was still in knots for a while even after Mass.
So long story short, I have no idea why I got so nervous when it was not my first time serving anymore. I thought that was a first time thing that wouldn’t happen this time but it did. I think part of it may be “stage fright” from standing on the altar in front of the rest of the congregation and then standing in front of a line of people, more so than thinking I will actually mess up, because I do know what I am doing. There are also many people I know in the parish, so serving in front of them also makes me feel pressured for some reason. I very much enjoy being an EMHC and serving the congregation in this way, and I want to continue. But I cannot be getting this degree of anxiety, sometimes almost to the point of puking, every time I serve. So please don’t say “stop doing it” because that isn’t what I want. I want to be able to just get past the anxiety and fully enjoy the moment.

 

[disciple198]

I’m hoping that “eventually” will be when I serve my 3rd time in a couple of weeks. I will be scheduled every Sunday when I am home for break, so I’m hoping that will help. There’s absolutely no reason for me to be getting nervous but telling myself that just doesn’t work. It was almost more nerve-wracking today because I was one of only 2 EMHCs.

 

[disciple198]

I have some pretty bad anxiety issues outside of Mass from growing up and living with a severely disabled sibling. So that might not necessarily help matters either. I wasn’t even nervous when I woke up this morning. Only as it got closer to my time to serve did the nerves pile on, then I randomly thought about my brother during Mass as well and that I would be dealing with his behaviors at least occasionally for the rest of my life, so that turned what probably would’ve been slight nervousness into a major panic mode by the time I went up.

 

[disciple198]

@(name removed by moderator) I do try but anxiety like mine gets very hard to control, especially about that. The first time was simply first time anxiety, but this time was sort of a combination of my brother and serving. I see other EMHC’s smiling and relaxed when giving out Communion, and I want (and hope) to get to that level.

 

[Titivillus]

It’s like anything.
You think thats anxiety creating, try serving your first TLM alone.
Eventually you don’t think anything of it.

Respectfully, while I hope the OP becomes more at ease in this ministry, I hope it does not become something to not think anything of.
Remain mindful of Him Who you serve.

 

[Horton]

When I started I was nervous for several weeks of serving. The more I served, the less anxious I was. It will be the same for you I’m sure. I think we should all feel a bit of anxiety holding a vessel with our Lord in it, but not so much that it difficult to serve.

What I do feel is incredible joy when I do serve. The thought that I get to share that moment when others receive our Lord is an incredible feeling.

 

[disciple198]

@Horton I feel like what it mainly is is a sort of “stage fright.” Standing on the altar in front of the entire congregation (and singing the Lamb of God), even though it’s only for a minute or two while I’m receiving Communion myself before giving it to everyone else, makes me irrationally feel that everyone in the pews is staring at me. It’s not at all true, but I almost feel like I am up on stage, even though people’s attention probably isn’t on me or the other EMHC’s. But hopefully it gets better the more times I do it.

 

[Horton]

It will, trust me.

 

[littlekitten]

Unless you have anxiety disorder or social anxiety or some sort of mental problem, you will stop feeling nervous once you got used to it. The night before I serve for the first time, I was so scared that I thought of backing out and just disappear and just go to a different church from now on so I don’t have to admit to them that I’m scared and want to back out. That was so silly now…

 

[ProVobis]

There are also surgeries to overcome tremors.

 

[Convert3]

There are also surgeries to overcome tremors.

Yeah…not good advice. It’s very risky.

I feel like what it mainly is is a sort of “stage fright.” Standing on the altar in front of the entire congregation (and singing the Lamb of God), even though it’s only for a minute or two while I’m receiving Communion myself before giving it to everyone else, makes me irrationally feel that everyone in the pews is staring at me. It’s not at all true, but I almost feel like I am up on stage, even though people’s attention probably isn’t on me or the other EMHC’s. But hopefully it gets better the more times I do it.

You’ll be fine. I have essential tremors where my hands frequently shake, sometimes uncontrollably. I did spill some of the precious blood on my shoe once when the cup was more full than usual. I cleaned it up properly and quickly, then continued serving. My wife had a parishioner drop the host on her first day, but the parishioner picked it up and consumed it. Mistakes will be made. Just don’t you panic or let the parishioner panic. Keep the lines moving smoothly. You’ll be fine.