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theStudentAD2018

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(This is if the moderators will allow it. If not, they can take the thread down if they want to. I personally wanted to see how this thread would go)

I’ve wanted to make my own funny thread story. I’m a bit of a writer in real life. So,I always wanted to start a story with the phrase down below.

Here are the rules: You say one, two or even three sentences. At the very least, try to keep it clean. Try to make it as funny as possible, too. You may make pop culture references and quotes and you can change them if they are profane or vulgar.

Anyways, let me begin:

If anybody asks me what I did- don’t ask. Not even I know what I did.
 
She bellowed, “wake up you lazy-bones, we’ll be having a visitor in five minutes. Mr. Spock is coming!”
 
At that moment captain Kirk came screaming into the house saying “I don’t want my pain taken way, it’s what makes us who we are”.
 
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A fire-breathing dragon ran into the house close on Kirk’s heels, but he stopped when he saw all the freshly made pancakes and sat down on the porch steps to start gobbling them all up.
 
The dragon began changing colors. A look of shock embraced its face. It was as if the dragon had been presented with the meaning of all things. Flames protruded from it’s nostrils, and an Einstein–Rosen bridge open up in it’s stomach.
 
I yelped, and quickly got up. The pancakes flying everywhere, and I frisbeed one straight into the dragon’s mouth. I yelled for my grandmother “Where is Mr Spock?”
 
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Mr. Spock? I presume you meant Doctor Spock. I am here to warn you of projectile vomiting. If the dragon exhibits such symptoms after swallowing the pancake then rub his tummy and call me in the morning.
 
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My mother,practical as always,sprinkled rat bait on the lawn for the dragon and that was that.
Together we dragged then winched the stiffening carcas into the back yard,rolled it into the disused pool and filled it in .My mother took a quick trip to the plant nursery ,selected swiftly and we planted a Flame tree on
the backyard mound…
 
…almost immediately, the snow began…the Flame tree froze…leprechauns appeared, and sledded down the backyard mound…
 
“This can’t be good…” mumbled my mum,and went to make coffee and find the block of chilli flavoured chocolate she’d hidden for emergencies .We settled down on old deck chairs,blankets over shoulders and watched while munching and sipping.
 
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An even larger dragon lumbered into the yard.
“Have any of youse seen my baby bruddah?”
 
My mom and I both spilled our coffee in our scramble to get into the house.
“What do we do now,” I asked in a panic, “that dragon will eat us for killing his brother!”
 
‘Well, mom said, there’s only one thing to do’ and with that she started humming that old chestnut ‘puff the magic dragon’. I then joined in with the lyric and lo and behold we looked out the window and the dragon was dancing! I said boy what a great song and my mom said 'yes it is…who would’ve thought it really isn’t about a dragon! With that the dragon stopped dancing and said ‘oh really, what is it about pray tell?’
 
“Well,” said my mom, "now that the dragon’s gone, let’s go plant some flowers outside. I cheerfully agreed, but the moment we stepped out, we were confronted by an awful reek.
“It must be the decaying dead body of the dragon you stuck in the pond,” I choked, with my hand to my nose.
 
My mother sighed and muttered “I knew I shouldn’t have done that. We should’ve at least gave the thing a burial!”
“What about we hire a few contractors to do it?” I asked.
 
Five hours later,with masks over our mouths standing beside the excavator we and the workmen,plus thirty Odd people from ’ hire-a-crowd ’ sang a mournful
“For he’s a jolly good fellow” before once again burying the giant lizard of a thing once and for all.
Quite a rowdy party that one wouldn’t normally associate with a Wake went into the wee hours…till there was a hammering of fists at the front door and…
 
I opened the door to see a couple of cops standing at the door.
“Hey, how’s it going?” An officer said.
“We’re here about a noise complaint,”
 
Mum quickly appeared smiling her winning smile ,and distracted the officers with a lovely platter of jugged meat on crackers and a glass of home brewed cider as she ushered them into the warm lounge room .The shorter of the policemen sniffed the meat layden cracker
as he went to take a bite.“That’s different,what kind of meat did you say it was?”
 
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