New to NFP & scared

[pentecostbaby]

It is super scary at first for many women who have been told and told and told that the worst thing that could ever happen to you is to become pregnant. Not lose your virginity but get caught at it- that was the worst that could happen! When you’ve been told this for years, when you’ve internalized it, it’s hard to let to of. I understand.
Especially if you have used contraception, it’s difficult to shake! But learn more. Stay strong and pray. You’ll shake that fear eventually.

 

[DoxieMama]

My circumstances are I have 1 child, and want to wait to have another so I can lose weight first. I did take NFP classes. I have OCD and my thoughts about NFP not working won’t shut off. I’m not Catholic yet, but want to be. My main fear is that NFP won’t work and that we’ll have too many children we can’t afford financially. Sorry I didn’t post my circumstances originally.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

My circumstances are I have 1 child, and want to wait to have another so I can lose weight first. I did take NFP classes. I have OCD and my thoughts about NFP not working won’t shut off. I’m not Catholic yet, but want to be. My main fear is that NFP won’t work and that we’ll have too many children we can’t afford financially. Sorry I didn’t post my circumstances originally.

You really don’t have to explain your circumstances and justify yourself. It is for you and your husband to decide when you are ready for another child, not a bunch of people on the internet. Or in real life for that matter.

My experience of NFP is that it works, but we have to monitor what happens closely and interpret the signs of our bodies correctly. That is why you need a method that you find easy to follow and a good instructor to teach you and help you as you go along.

If you have a regular cycle you could perhaps abstain for a certain period of time, as well as chart your cycle according to a NFP method. This is what I do because my husband and are currently avoiding another pregnancy. For me that is roughly between days 9 and 18 in my cycle and this gives me added assurance that I will not get pregnant.

Hope this helps.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

The Myth of the Contraceptive Mentality

Thank you for this link. I’ve heard the explanation of why NFP is never contraceptive before, and this article makes this point in a short and clear way. I’ll pass it on when I next encounter the ‘contraceptive mentality’ idea.

 

[UbiCaritas]

My circumstances are I have 1 child, and want to wait to have another so I can lose weight first. I did take NFP classes. I have OCD and my thoughts about NFP not working won’t shut off. I’m not Catholic yet, but want to be. My main fear is that NFP won’t work and that we’ll have too many children we can’t afford financially. Sorry I didn’t post my circumstances originally.

You are under no obligation to explain your circumstances to us, though of course if you need support we’re here for you. The decision to use NFP to avoid can only be made by the couple; even the uber-strict FSSP priest who married us made that perfectly clear. He did say that if the couple has a good confessor it’s not a bad idea to run it by him because he might have a point of view or idea that they hadn’t considered, but that isn’t required at all.

Insofar as your concern about whether or not you could be pregnant this month, well, nothing’s ever impossible unless you haven’t had sex at all, but it is highly-to-the-99th-percentile improbable that you could be. As I said, the day before your period you do not have CM of the type that could support sp*rm for more than a few hours, and it is highly unlikely that you could ovulate sooner than at least a week after you had sex in this instance.

That having been said, the time between CD1 (the first day of your period) and ovulation can vary considerably, so if you believe that you have serious reasons to avoid you probably want to stick to Phase 3 (ie, after ovulation has been confirmed) to be sure that you won’t conceive. Once the egg is gone for the month, you cannot get pregnant, while if it could arrive in the next few days, you could, KWIM?

All of this again assumes that you aren’t coming off of hormonal BC, which will almost certainly make the first few cycles (at least) that you’re off of it unpredictable.

 

[1love]

My circumstances are I have 1 child, and want to wait to have another so I can lose weight first. I did take NFP classes. I have OCD and my thoughts about NFP not working won’t shut off. I’m not Catholic yet, but want to be. My main fear is that NFP won’t work and that we’ll have too many children we can’t afford financially. Sorry I didn’t post my circumstances originally.

When used properly, NFP is more effective than most types of birth control.

I have used Sympto-Thermal and Creighton. I strongly prefer Creighton for many many many and will answer more detailed questions via PM if you wish.

If you get pregnant while using NFP, it is usually because (a) you were actively trying to get pregnant, (b) you didn’t care if you got pregnant or not, or (c) you weren’t diligent about charting. Once you recognize your fertile signs it is difficult or impossible to “accidentally” get pregnant.

I can understand that after using contraceptive, you feel like you’re performing without a net, but that fear will probably subside as you grow more confident in your ability to recognize fertile signs and read your charts.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Thank you for this link. I’ve heard the explanation of why NFP is never contraceptive before, and this article makes this point in a short and clear way. I’ll pass it on when I next encounter the ‘contraceptive mentality’ idea.

The article also links a Janet Smith article. Also very good. Here’s the link.

lifeissues.net/writers/smith/smith_24moralusenfp.html

 

[Allegra]

I have always debated the truth of the statement that ovulation occurs so many days AFTER a period starts.

In my personal experience, ovulation ALWAYS occurred 14 days BEFORE my period started.

I had killer cramps on ovulation day, and a wildly erratic cycle of anything from 24 to 154 days between menstruations. Once I had twigged what the cramps indicated, I used ovulation day to accurately forecast when my next period would be. Never failed. But it was 14 days before, not after, and I used this for 28 years till menopause.

It would have been useless for me to use 14 days after my last period started as an indicator for NFP.

That is correct. Most women have very consistant number of days between ovulation and menses, but inconsistant number of days from the start of menses to ovulation. Mine varied from 7 to 16 days, but my post-peak days were always 13 or 14. That quite normal and it was explained during our introductory class of NFP, so I’m not sure why anyone would expect accurate results by counting 14 days after their period starts. (except for if they never actually recieved training and are just trying to “wing it” based on someone’s conception of a “normal menstrual cycle.”)

 

[Allegra]

It is incredible that people have the nerve to say such things. What the heck do you know about the OP’s circumstances?

Actually, if one looks at the question as a serious question, it could be helpful. I was brought up to believe that even thinking about sex without the pill was immature, irresponsible, and devastating to the survival of the human race. Combating such irrational brain-washing takes more than a little of, “Okay, really what’s the worse that could happen?” I personally resolved that the worst that could happen to me was that I’d have to buy a crib on credit and my relatives would start calling me The Bunny Rabbit. This made the decision to use NFP seem a lot let intimidating.

On the other hand, the OP might already have several things on credit that she needs to pay off first or she’ll lose her house. Or she might have a terrible disease which could threaten her life if she got pregnant. Or she might be at the full occupancy of her dwelling and facing eviction. Or her house may be undergoing asbestos abatement for the next four moths. Or she might already have quadruplets and she’s out of car seats. Or her husband may be training to go on a mission to the moon. There are any number of good reasons why she and her husband may want to avoid a new baby in the immediate future.

But for some women, myself included, it’s just a question of getting over an irrational fear that they started implanting in early childhood. So, I think it’s a fair question to pose.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

But for some women, myself included, it’s just a question of getting over an irrational fear that they started implanting in early childhood. So, I think it’s a fair question to pose.

Well, to start with, it did not answer the question, the poster caught the OP on another matter. And I certainly don’t understand the attitude of ‘you’re married, so what’s the big deal?’ Children are a big deal. Of course it can be a scary thing.

 

[Allegra]

Well, to start with, it did not answer the question, the poster caught the OP on another matter. And I certainly don’t understand the attitude of ‘you’re married, so what’s the big deal?’ Children are a big deal. Of course it can be a scary thing.

It actually did answer the question, if the question is understood as “How can I get over my fear of using NFP?” While children may be a “big deal”, they are not a catastrophic life sentence that will suck the life out of you, destroy your future, and ruin you financially. (Unless there is something else going on.)

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

While children may be a “big deal”, they are not a catastrophic life sentence that will suck the life out of you, destroy your future, and ruin you financially. (Unless there is something else going on.)

Nobody has suggested that. But of course, this is always brought into the NFP threads because someone out there probably thinks like that.

 

[Allegra]

Nobody has suggested that. But of course, this is always brought into the NFP threads because someone out there probably thinks like that.

There are lots of people who think like that. I’m not saying that anyone on this thread thinks like that, but that lots of women who are now of child-baring age, where systematically trained to believe that from a very young age. (Most likely by people who loved them and were concerned about their well being.) Even if a woman knows in her heart that this is simply not true, those old worries can still creep up from time to time and cause anxiety about using NFP.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

There are lots of people who think like that. I’m not saying that anyone on this thread thinks like that, but that lots of women who are now of child-baring age, where systematically trained to believe that from a very young age. (Most likely by people who loved them and were concerned about their well being.) Even if a woman knows in her heart that this is simply not true, those old worries can still creep up from time to time and cause anxiety about using NFP.

I know and I completely agree with you. It is very sad. I’ve had friends express their shock and concern when I announced my 2nd pregnancy.

I just don’t think that someone who is new to NFP should be practically assaulted like this with our beliefs about sex and children. This is all baby steps for converts and reverts and requires courage, for the reasons you describe above. If the question in the OP is about assurance that she will not get pregnant when using NFP I think it is important we answer that question to the best of our abilities. Going straight into the reasons for her concern and fear and talking about the contraceptive mentality is not always helpful. Yes, the bigger picture matters, and it matters a lot, but that can be overwhelming to a woman who is at the beginning of this journey. We don’t want people to get scared and give up, do we?

 

[Allegra]

I know and I completely agree with you. It is very sad. I’ve had friends express their shock and concern when I announced my 2nd pregnancy.

I just don’t think that someone who is new to NFP should be practically assaulted like this with our beliefs about sex and children. This is all baby steps for converts and reverts and requires courage, for the reasons you describe above. If the question in the OP is about assurance that she will not get pregnant when using NFP I think it is important we answer that question to the best of our abilities. Going straight into the reasons for her concern and fear and talking about the contraceptive mentality is not always helpful. Yes, the bigger picture matters, and it matters a lot, but that can be overwhelming to a woman who is at the beginning of this journey. We don’t want people to get scared and give up, do we?

I think you may have missed my point. If a person gets on here and decrees that the OP will not get pregnant while using NFP correctly in order to calm the OP’s fears, then that would be a lie.

The truth is that while NFP IS effective and is generally more effective than ABC, God may just want a couple to have another baby. This of course happens with ABC as well. I doubt there is anyone out there who doesn’t know at least woman who concieved while on the pill. Sometimes that is just God’s plan.

The easiest way to prevent oneself from being scared is to realize that the fear is irrational in the first place. Surely, you’ve gone through a scary situation before and said, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Well, in this case, the worst that could happen really wouldn’t be that bad at all. Even if the OP is in a situation that is more difficult than most where she simply can not afford to raise another child, then that means that somewhere there is a woman who is yearning to be a mama who is about to get her wish.

In other words, the idea of “let go and let God”, really can help someone assuage their fears. I know it’s gotten me though tough times before. So, I don’t think there’s any need to get offended or defensive here. Certainly, there is no way for strangers to know what’s going on in someone else’s life, but Jesus knows, and He’s got it under control.

 

[UbiCaritas]

I think you may have missed my point. **If a person gets on here and decrees that the OP will not get pregnant while using NFP correctly in order to calm the OP’s fears, then that would be a lie. **

The truth is that while NFP IS effective and is generally more effective than ABC, God may just want a couple to have another baby. This of course happens with ABC as well. I doubt there is anyone out there who doesn’t know at least woman who concieved while on the pill. Sometimes that is just God’s plan.

The easiest way to prevent oneself from being scared is to realize that the fear is irrational in the first place. Surely, you’ve gone through a scary situation before and said, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Well, in this case, the worst that could happen really wouldn’t be that bad at all. Even if the OP is in a situation that is more difficult than most where she simply can not afford to raise another child, then that means that somewhere there is a woman who is yearning to be a mama who is about to get her wish.

In other words, the idea of “let go and let God”, really can help someone assuage their fears. I know it’s gotten me though tough times before. So, I don’t think there’s any need to get offended or defensive here. Certainly, there is no way for strangers to know what’s going on in someone else’s life, but Jesus knows, and He’s got it under control.

I agree with everything you’ve said here except the bolded. I honestly do not understand how that can be a lie. If a couple only has intercourse during Phase III after ovulation has been confirmed via 2 separate signs which confirmed that it happened four days before they have intercourse again, it is physically impossible for the woman to get pregnant. An egg can only live about 12 hours after ovulation if it isn’t fertilized. If a woman has ovulated 4 days before they even have intercourse that month, it just isn’t physically possible for her to get pregnant. If double ovulation occurs (rare, but that’s how fraternal twins are conceived) then the second ovulation happens within 24 hours of the first, and again, there is too long a time (3-5 days) in between ovulation and intercourse for the egg to be fertilized.

Understandably, a woman new to this method with a serious reason to avoid may be scared and may decide with her husband to abstain until they are both quite certain that they’ve mastered the method. Many couples find it difficult to stick only to Phase III and only to have sex for about ten days per month, but that isn’t method failure.

As I’ve mentioned before, it’s different if the woman has been on hormonal birth control, as her cycles will not be regularized for some time (varying from type to type of hormonal birth control) after she stops.

(Note: everything I’ve said here relates to the sympto-thermal method as taught in Taking Charge of Your Fertility, a secular but scientifically excellent book. I have heard that the Creighton method of NFP is quite effective for both conceiving and avoiding, but I know that its method is quite different and can’t comment on it beyond that as I’ve never learned it. )