Newly Engaged--Questions about Retreat, Wedding, Marriage Process Etc

[Phemie]

In Ireland you must notify the priest 6 months before the date of the wedding. Then you can set a date to book the church. Often though the priest doesn’t do the pre-nuptial inquiry til a month or so before the wedding. Also you don’t have to have your marriage prep done to set the date. My wife and I got engaged in April 2015. We set a date and booked the church in July. The priest only asked us to bring our pre-marriage cert to the pre-nuptial inquiry along with the other documentation.

I don’t understand leaving the pre-nuptial investigation that late. What if something cropped up that forced the wedding to be delayed after all the wedding preparations are done?

 

[AdamP88]

I don’t understand leaving the pre-nuptial investigation that late. What if something cropped up that forced the wedding to be delayed after all the wedding preparations are done?

Like what?

 

[Phemie]

Like what?

Impotence, close kinship, previous bond, etc.

 

[AdamP88]

Impotence, close kinship, previous bond, etc.

If those are present though, there’s not much the Church can do if they aren’t declared. Most marriages don’t have those.

 

[Phemie]

If those are present though, there’s not much the Church can do if they aren’t declared. Most marriages don’t have those.

I know, but better to get that stuff out of the way before the couple does anything further. The very first thing Fr. did with us was do the prenuptial investigation. Once that was done he said “OK, you can go ahead with your plans.”

Back then I needed a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic and we were separated by about 700 miles so I did the pre-nup in my parish and he did the pre-nup with the Catholic Padre at that Base where he was posted. This was July and we wanted to get married at the end of October. It all worked out. Luckily he had been born and grown up near my parish and his parents still lived there so getting the necessary documents was not a problem.

 

[zea_maize]

I know, but better to get that stuff out of the way before the couple does anything further. The very first thing Fr. did with us was do the prenuptial investigation. Once that was done he said “OK, you can go ahead with your plans.”

Back then I needed a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic and we were separated by about 700 miles so I did the pre-nup in my parish and he did the pre-nup with the Catholic Padre at that Base where he was posted. This was July and we wanted to get married at the end of October. It all worked out. Luckily he had been born and grown up near my parish and his parents still lived there so getting the necessary documents was not a problem.

Count yourself very, very lucky. When we got married I called the parish I belonged to and the secretary wouldn’t even let me TALK to the priest because we wanted to be married in 4 months instead of 6. Nevermind that we lived 1500 miles away from our family and friends and would have leases expiring and wanted to be married before we cohabited. If I had already been pregnant he would have talked to me but otherwise no exceptions; no discussions. We called many other parishes to see if we could find a priest that would even talk to us about it. None would. Later, through some study I found out there would have been options for us to cohabit the two months that were such a problem for the Church. I was heartbroken that I had been denied a sacrament due to man’s law and not God’s.

We ended up getting married outside of the Church and just convalidated our marriage this past May. The way I was refused pastoral care in that situation caused a rift between myself and the Church for many years. I was young and needed assistance but I was turned away. I’m so happy for you that they recognized an out of the ordinary situation and allowed you the sacrament.

 

[Phemie]

Count yourself very, very lucky. When we got married I called the parish I belonged to and the secretary wouldn’t even let me TALK to the priest because we wanted to be married in 4 months instead of 6. Nevermind that we lived 1500 miles away from our family and friends and would have leases expiring and wanted to be married before we cohabited. If I had already been pregnant he would have talked to me but otherwise no exceptions; no discussions. We called many other parishes to see if we could find a priest that would even talk to us about it. None would. Later, through some study I found out there would have been options for us to cohabit the two months that were such a problem for the Church. I was heartbroken that I had been denied a sacrament due to man’s law and not God’s.

We ended up getting married outside of the Church and just convalidated our marriage this past May. The way I was refused pastoral care in that situation caused a rift between myself and the Church for many years. I was young and needed assistance but I was turned away. I’m so happy for you that they recognized an out of the ordinary situation and allowed you the sacrament.

I lived in a small village so there wasn’t a large number of weddings each year. It was years later that I discovered how far ahead you normally had to contact the parish to get married.

We’d been engaged for 2 years but had never made any formal plans for a wedding since we’d gotten formally engaged just before he left for basic training and I headed to nursing school. Now nursing school was over and he’d finished his officer training so he decided that it was time to set a date.

It was Sunday July 13/75 and I was starting my first job as a nurse the next day when the phone rang.

“Hello, this is Padre Stack from CFB Downsview.”

My first thought? Fiancé is dead. Why else would I be getting a call from the Base Chaplain?

“I have Donald with me.”

My brain: “Who the heck is Donald??” Then I remembered that that’s fiancé’s first name but, since it’s also his father’s name, he goes by his second name. Relief! Since he’s with the Padre he must still be alive.

Padre: “You’re getting married.”

Me: “We are?”

Padre: “You’re going to go see your parish priest and get things organized.”

Me: “I am?”

Padre: “I’ll let you talk to Donald.”

Fiancé: “Hi Honey.”

Me: “When is this happening?”

Fiancé: “I think I can be home for a wedding on October 24. So you have to go see Fr. Chiasson and get things organized.”

Me: “OK”

When Fr. asked me when fiancé would be coming home I had to say “I don’t know.”
“Well, when are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know.”
With a smile: “Is he going to be here for the wedding?”
“I don’t know that either.”

 

[zea_maize]

I lived in a small village so there wasn’t a large number of weddings each year. It was years later that I discovered how far ahead you normally had to contact the parish to get married.

We’d been engaged for 2 years but had never made any formal plans for a wedding since we’d gotten formally engaged just before he left for basic training and I headed to nursing school. Now nursing school was over and he’d finished his officer training so he decided that it was time to set a date.

It was Sunday July 13/75 and I was starting my first job as a nurse the next day when the phone rang.

“Hello, this is Padre Stack from CFB Downsview.”

My first thought? Fiancé is dead. Why else would I be getting a call from the Base Chaplain?

“I have Donald with me.”

My brain: “Who the heck is Donald??” Then I remembered that that’s fiancé’s first name but, since it’s also his father’s name, he goes by his second name. Relief! Since he’s with the Padre he must still be alive.

Padre: “You’re getting married.”

Me: “We are?”

Padre: “You’re going to go see your parish priest and get things organized.”

Me: “I am?”

Padre: “I’ll let you talk to Donald.”

Fiancé: “Hi Honey.”

Me: “When is this happening?”

Fiancé: “I think I can be home for a wedding on October 24. So you have to go see Fr. Chiasson and get things organized.”

Me: “OK”

When Fr. asked me when fiancé would be coming home I had to say “I don’t know.”
“Well, when are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know.”
With a smile: “Is he going to be here for the wedding?”
“I don’t know that either.”

This is a great story! That was the worst part about it - the average age in our Parish was about 60. There were very few weddings. The Church was beautiful and lots wanted to use it and were turned away, so I understood they had to have a process, but to not even TALK to me was so hurtful.

My DH (then boyfriend) was freshly out of the Navy so I completely understand how foreign to others yet common to you the idea of not knowing when you’d see someone would be.

Thank you for sharing