S
Sling_Shot
Guest
Hello,
Less than two months ago, I married a wonderful, smart, funny, stubborn man. We have known each other for about five years now, and are very happy to have finally started our life together.
However, I am having a really hard time adjusting. Adjusting to being married makes sense, I can see where I need to improve, my husband and I are very clear with each other and whatnot. But it’s adjusting to being three entire states away from my lifelong home, my family and friends that causes me to tear up just thinking about it.
My husband was here in this state (we’ll call it New State) where he lived half the year in one city, and now has been in our current city for the last few month of our engagement. In the meantime, I worked for a year at home (Home State) at a small private school where I taught several subjects regardless of not having the on-paper credentials. I knew it would be hard to leave home, but I figured I would get a job and start making friends through our parish, etc, etc.
Fast-forward two months, and we have yet to settle on a parish, and I have a job for a few hours a week (possibly getting more hours very soon) working as a respite provider for a child with autism (something I have done part-time for over ten years). I didn’t want to begin at a school again, since my husband may not stay at his job or may move closer to work. I had been focused on moving in, trying to save money by getting our home put together through Goodwill and Freecycle (we had nothing, hardly any dishes or furniture). I have made friends with a local family and we hung out once a week, but now that school is starting they are more busy and I am lonely during the day. I have signed up for a class that will begin in a week, which will be crazy with my evening work hours, so I feel guilty about inconveniencing my employer. Basically, for two months, I was trying to keep as busy as possible because I’ve been mourning leaving home and moving to New State.
I just… I feel lonely, and I feel guilty. I have nightmares about my grandmothers dying while I’m away, I feel like the family I babysat for since I was a teen feels like I’ve ditched them (they’ve given *no *indication of feeling that way), I miss my co-workers and just the feeling of sitting in my Home State backyard, talking with my friends and family. I go to daily Mass and my husband and I pray morning prayer together, but I still feel like I’m not doing enough, not moving in the right direction.
I have to work because my husband’s wage isn’t enough to support us and pay off our combined student debt. We are using NFP to avoid a pregnancy for now - until some of my debt is gone, and we can afford the medication I need to sustain a pregnancy, we have to wait. But I’m terrified of having a child with no support system, with only young moms who talk about… young mom things. If I were near my brothers or my friends, we would talk about politics, philosophy, history… I’m trying to make friends while I can so I don’t get stuck with only mom’s play dates as my social life.
I’ve been so focused on moving in that I haven’t thought about what direction my life is going. I want to work on my art, not for any reason other than I love it, and I would love to have a small homestead. As I steady myself, I am looking for farms and artists to connect with, as I expand my own modest freelance business. But I am still reeling from leaving home, the loneliness and guilt weigh on my heart throughout the day.
My husband is understanding, but he’s also going through a similar grieving, though for different personal reasons.
I am pretty sure of my next few steps, but I guess I’m just feeling very discouraged, like I’ve wasted time. I don’t hear about any other young newly married wives being so lonely to the point of weeping. What am I doing wrong?
Thank you,
~Sling Shot
Less than two months ago, I married a wonderful, smart, funny, stubborn man. We have known each other for about five years now, and are very happy to have finally started our life together.
However, I am having a really hard time adjusting. Adjusting to being married makes sense, I can see where I need to improve, my husband and I are very clear with each other and whatnot. But it’s adjusting to being three entire states away from my lifelong home, my family and friends that causes me to tear up just thinking about it.
My husband was here in this state (we’ll call it New State) where he lived half the year in one city, and now has been in our current city for the last few month of our engagement. In the meantime, I worked for a year at home (Home State) at a small private school where I taught several subjects regardless of not having the on-paper credentials. I knew it would be hard to leave home, but I figured I would get a job and start making friends through our parish, etc, etc.
Fast-forward two months, and we have yet to settle on a parish, and I have a job for a few hours a week (possibly getting more hours very soon) working as a respite provider for a child with autism (something I have done part-time for over ten years). I didn’t want to begin at a school again, since my husband may not stay at his job or may move closer to work. I had been focused on moving in, trying to save money by getting our home put together through Goodwill and Freecycle (we had nothing, hardly any dishes or furniture). I have made friends with a local family and we hung out once a week, but now that school is starting they are more busy and I am lonely during the day. I have signed up for a class that will begin in a week, which will be crazy with my evening work hours, so I feel guilty about inconveniencing my employer. Basically, for two months, I was trying to keep as busy as possible because I’ve been mourning leaving home and moving to New State.
I just… I feel lonely, and I feel guilty. I have nightmares about my grandmothers dying while I’m away, I feel like the family I babysat for since I was a teen feels like I’ve ditched them (they’ve given *no *indication of feeling that way), I miss my co-workers and just the feeling of sitting in my Home State backyard, talking with my friends and family. I go to daily Mass and my husband and I pray morning prayer together, but I still feel like I’m not doing enough, not moving in the right direction.
I have to work because my husband’s wage isn’t enough to support us and pay off our combined student debt. We are using NFP to avoid a pregnancy for now - until some of my debt is gone, and we can afford the medication I need to sustain a pregnancy, we have to wait. But I’m terrified of having a child with no support system, with only young moms who talk about… young mom things. If I were near my brothers or my friends, we would talk about politics, philosophy, history… I’m trying to make friends while I can so I don’t get stuck with only mom’s play dates as my social life.
I’ve been so focused on moving in that I haven’t thought about what direction my life is going. I want to work on my art, not for any reason other than I love it, and I would love to have a small homestead. As I steady myself, I am looking for farms and artists to connect with, as I expand my own modest freelance business. But I am still reeling from leaving home, the loneliness and guilt weigh on my heart throughout the day.
My husband is understanding, but he’s also going through a similar grieving, though for different personal reasons.
I am pretty sure of my next few steps, but I guess I’m just feeling very discouraged, like I’ve wasted time. I don’t hear about any other young newly married wives being so lonely to the point of weeping. What am I doing wrong?
Thank you,
~Sling Shot
Live your life now, where you are, not where you were, and not where you are going to go.