Newlywed Question: What constitutes a "serious reason" for postponing a pregnancy?

[ac_claire]

I hate to say this, but I can’t believe that you guys are actually having a conversation like this. It has been years since I left the Catholic church. Even at that time, I never realized that the church had so much control over what a married couple does within the privacy of their marriage.

One other thing too, pets. The Church actually doesn’t exert any control whatsoever. We choose to believe and follow and obey the laws of God and his Church of our own free will.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

To the OP, I think that taking some time to settle into marriage is a valid reason to postpone. In a way it’s kind of like buying a computer, though, as once you finally take the plunge you realize that you didn’t necessarily gain much by waiting and simply missed out on the benefits of having it sooner (although the kids usually aren’t obsolete by the time you get them home).

A large number of my friends felt that giving themselves some time to travel, party and continue to act like they’re in college was a valid reason to postpone. As their 20’s became their 30’s, they fell into the depression that seems to hit some at 30 and decided they needed to hold onto their immaturity a bit longer, thus putting kids off even further. Now they’re rushing towards 40 and either don’t have kids (but do get blitzed every weekend and travel 5-6 times per year), are finally trying for kids and not having much success, or have finally had their first and are realizing that it’s a lot harder at 38-40 than it would have been at 20-25.

 

[2HunnyBuns]

My dh and I didn’t wait to have children. About 6 weeks after our wedding we conceived our first child. I’m not going to lie to you and say it wasn’t tough. In less than a year we were married, became pregnant (I had complications early on that caused me to be on bed rest for two months and ultimately lead to me leaving my job), brought a house and became parents. We had some financial issues that were unexpected that made our first year of marriage even tougher. Sometimes I wonder how different things would have been if we had waited a little bit to become parents, but then I wouldn’t have the beautiful child that God blessed us with.

 

[jilly4ski]

To the OP, I think that taking some time to settle into marriage is a valid reason to postpone. In a way it’s kind of like buying a computer, though, as once you finally take the plunge you realize that you didn’t necessarily gain much by waiting and simply missed out on the benefits of having it sooner **(although the kids usually **aren’t obsolete by the time you get them home).QUOTE]

Hahahaha “not usually obsolete”

Anyways my DH and I did not wait, because I was fertile during our wedding/honeymoon and we did not want to wait any more than we had. It has been a wonderful adventure, as I was a first year law student pregnant 1000 miles from home. We are not financially seccure, but I believe that our marriage is stronger because we had a child and have to deal with things like finances. I would not trade our son for money, degree, travel, or anything. His birth was the most amazing thing ever, and even now he is sitting and looking, smiling, and “talking” at me right now. I always thought that we would wait the 3 years while I was in law school, and I didn’t feel like I was ready for children, but I got married and DH and I chose to not wait any longer, but I think it was the right choice.

 

[Kit15]

DH and I agreed before we got engaged that we would wait until he was done with his actuarial exams before having children. We’re fortunate enough to not be too concerned about finances. Rather we’re concerned about how much TIME we can dedicate to being parents. DH needs to study and even if I was on full time mom duty, it would be a distraction (I’m enough of a distraction). At the rate he passes them, we will be TTC in about 2 years. Then hopefully I can become a full-time mom and he can be a father to our kids. If we had a kid right now, we’d need to put him/her in daycare in order to provide…which is not how I was hoping to raise a child

However it seemed senseless for us to wait until we were 28 years old to get married just so we could start having children right away when we knew we could start a life together NOW. Honestly…we were both just done with being single. There was nothing else left for us to do. Especially since we weren’t allowed to live together or travel together beforehand (the traveling bit caused quite a bit of frustration since our families had no desire to go to the places we wanted to visit). Now we can get all of that pent up frustration out of our systems while we wait for the agreed time.

 

[Ljrm18]

Looking for some feedback:

As newlyweds, my husband and I are thinking about the timing of starting a family. We are practicing NFP and we LOVE it…what a beautiful testament of love to give to each other.

For those who have been married/discerned starting a family… do you think that simply needing time to settle into marriage and figure out finances is a “serious reason” to postpone? What made you decide to begin having children?

Thanks!

My husband and I have been married for 1 year and 1 month and have used NFP the whole time. We discussed before whether we wanted to postpone pregnancy, and both decided that we wouldn’t because we felt secure enough at the time. Well, it’s been 13 months and still no pregnancy, so you can see that God has his hand in somewhere.

Yes, finances can be a serious reason to postpone pregnancy, but we jiggled our budget to see how things would look, and we would’ve been fine.

And as a friend once randomly told me (not catholic, she has 1 daughter and that’s all she wanted to have), “There is no good time to get pregnant.” A surprisingly true statement.

God bless you both!

 

[dashso40]

Maybe this will also make sense. The people in this discussion are Cathoilcs who are looking at their lives and marriages through Catholic eyes, from a Catholic perspective. It may not make any sense to you, but you decided to chime in and deride them and the way they look at life. You are in a different space.

They are thinking and talking about the way they will live their private lives. Suppose they took it upon themselves to tell you the way you look at your sex life was ridiculous and you should change your ways?

Very well put, grandfather,…pets sounds very bitter…Ex-Catholics seem very bitter and mad at the church(I know some)…For some reason they think the church is forcing people a way to live…I actually used to think this way…than I came to my senses…we all have free will and people can follow the Catholic religion if they choose to…Since I used to be angry at the church, I know why people are bitter…They don’t like rules, they want to live how they want and do whatever they want to do, right or wrong…

 

[tardybaby]

I’m a 35 woman, and I’ve been married 7 years, together with my husband for 15 years, and have found out over the past few months, that between the two of us we have the number 1 and 2 reasons for both female and male infertility. We waited until we we’re done school, until we had paid for school, until we had saved up for a home and now that we have done “everything” we are supposed to do, it might be too late. We both can live with that, you need to think about whether or not you can live with it if you "wait’ “too long”. We as Christians are supposed to be open to what God wants, and not what we want, all I can say is what the world says is important, is not what God says is important. Therefore, being open to what God wants of you is what you are called to do and if you are doing that, leave the choice in God’s hands. And if you not ready or can’t afford it, etc. don’t have sex. It’s not an easy way to live but nobody ever said it would be. I hope this helps. God bless!

 

[PrairieMom]

What? Plan kids? Being ready? Where’s the fun in that? Don’t babies just “happen”?

Seriously, however, there are grave reasons to delay having children.

Our oldest was born within the first year of our marriage, but was diagnosed with a serious form of epilepsy when she was only seven months old. This was just around the time my fertility returned and we were trying to decide if we wanted to follow NFP or just let things come as they may.

God, I supposed, answered and told us to wait. So we did. We spent the next nine months dealing with our child’s condition, financial concerns, actually living in two different cities for awhile due to medical needs and employment.

We hit a lull in the epilepsy department, and we decided that there will never be a good time to have another child, so let’s just let it happen.

We tried to let it happen for 4 months, and nothing happened!

Then the epilepsy came back with a vengence, just when my youngest “happened”. LOL

It’s all God’s timing, not ours.

And seriously, don’t babies just “happen”?

 

[Bengoshi]

The beautiful wife of Makati Councilor Jun-Jun Binay died on Tuesday due to complications arising from a difficult pregnancy.

She gave birth to a premature baby girl (7 months) who is now under observation in an incubator.

“The family of Mayor Jejomar C. Binay and the city government of Makati announce with sadness the passing of Mrs. Kennely Ann Lacia-Binay, wife of City Councilor Jejomar Erwin S. Binay, Jr.,” a statement from the Makati City government said.

“Mrs. Binay, 29, passed away at 12:06 p.m. today at the Makati Medical Center , where she had been confined for more than a month due to a difficult pregnancy,” it stated.

“Ken-ken”, as she was fondly called by her loved ones and friends, is survived by her children - Jejomarie Alexi, 6, Maria Isabel, 3, and Jejomar III, 1, the statement said.

The statement added that the wake will be held at 8776 Banuyo cor. Santol St., San Antonio Village, Makati City.

 

[ac_claire]

I’m a 35 woman, and I’ve been married 7 years, together with my husband for 15 years, and have found out over the past few months, that between the two of us we have the number 1 and 2 reasons for both female and male infertility. We waited until we we’re done school, until we had paid for school, until we had saved up for a home and now that we have done “everything” we are supposed to do, it might be too late. We both can live with that, you need to think about whether or not you can live with it if you "wait’ “too long”. We as Christians are supposed to be open to what God wants, and not what we want, all I can say is what the world says is important, is not what God says is important. Therefore, being open to what God wants of you is what you are called to do and if you are doing that, leave the choice in God’s hands. And if you not ready or can’t afford it, etc. don’t have sex. It’s not an easy way to live but nobody ever said it would be. I hope this helps. God bless!

Great post, thank you.