Both parties need to be seeking God’s will in this. When there is a disareement, this often is at the haaert of the matter. Often; as sometimes it is fear or misinformation, rather than a deliberate (or semi deliberate) attempt to avoid the question of what is God’s will.
You sound a bit upset - the term grave means serious. It is possible for people to emphasize the word grave to the point where we dind sin in any thought that we might not have a child “every rainy Tuesday”.
Note, I am not dispariging couples with large families, but they are susceptible to a “holier than thou” attitude towards those who don’t have large families.
And as to the issue of putting off children while the spouses “get to know each other”, evidence seems to the contrary, that those who have children soon are often in better marriages than those who delay.
The reason, I once heard was somewhat as follows: You have had that fight that was devastating; to cool off and get some space, you get in the car and drive off. If there is a child back home, you are much more likely to return, due to not only the responsiblity of that child, but the love bond you have formed (How could I live without seeing {enter name}?), than if there is only the spouse back there with whom you have had the fight.
When, and how many children to have is at best a difficult question. You need to ask your spouse a lot of questions (not argumentative, but probing), and you both need to have a serious discussion - or several. And if you can’t do it on your own, get professional help. Questions that run this deep need to come to resolution; better that the resolution is one that leads to closer committment, rather than the first step towards the ending of the marriage, or a long marriage which amounts to mere tolerance.
