No Hope for Single Mothers in Catholic/Christian faith

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*ahollars, I don’t disagree that our roles as spouses are to help one another to heaven. We can however, only do so much, if a person is not willing to change his/her ways.

But, to each’s own. You married someone who already had a child, it’s not for everyone, and if that is something that another person isn’t interested in doing, that is his/her right, too. Doesn’t mean they are selfish, or not willing to be a sacrificial spouse. I see it from both angles, I guess. I think that you and your wife are blessed to have found one another, and it works for you. But, there are many who just don’t want to date someone with kids–it happens, and it doesn’t make that person ‘less than’ in God’s eyes. Just my thoughts.*
 
This is a strange thread. I’ve been in many churches and never once heard a priest announce the virginity status of anyone, engaged or otherwise.

While I certainly hope the poster with the lovely child finds a good mate and happiness in life, the Church isn’t really a dating service and the other women attending aren’t ‘competition’ - all the people there are (hopefully) people communing with, praising or seeking help from God.
 
I’m glad I found this thread because as an unwed single mother, that has only come back to the faith this year, I am really not sure whether I have any place in the Church. I was brought up in the Catholic faith, but strayed from it quite early on in my life but it truly has been like a light switched on in the darkness to have found Christ’s love again. However, I am well aware of the Church’s perspective on premarital sex, and therefore, I do not feel I can fully involve myself in the Church and I usually go to mass in a neighbouring town rather than my own parish. I would also be very hesitant to get involved in any prayer groups although I did do a life in the spirit course (amazing experience!!!) and did feel drawn to the charismatic renewal. I would be interested if there are any members out there what your viewpoint would be on unwed single mams joinging the group. I suppose ultmately I would be afraid that people would perceive me a bad influence on younger members. I could never envisage finding a Catholic husband although deep down that is ultimately what I want for myself and my now teenage daughter. I find it extremely bizarre how the weddings in the OP’s church are announced. I have never come across anything like that in my life. Marriages are not even announced here in our churches. Previously I would have been very anxious about finding a husbanad and father figure for my daughter because believe me it is a very dark and lonely road, but now I am able to say ‘Thy will be done’ and mean it…most of the time! And being able to do that has been an enormous blessing. I am now 35 and am really facing a reality of being unmarried and hence celibate for the rest of my life. I did make a promise to Christ earlier this year that I would remain celibate untill marriage.
Anyway, from what I’ve read I am Ok to receive the sacraments. Even though I went back receiving communion before I went to confession, I didn’t realise at the time that it was a mortal sin, until I read up on it. I did go to confession since but it was my first time in about 10 years so I just generalised a bit and said I was disrespectful and abusive to myself, others and to God,as I did genuinely think at the time that covered it and the priest said that was fine. Now I dont think he gave me any penance, because I am sure I would have remembered,( Is this very unusual?) But I am not sure any of my sins have been forgiven. I did not feel like any great weight was lifted from my shoulders and even now strangely enough I don’t really feel like my sins have been forgiven or atoned for.
 
KatherineG said:
I’m glad I found this thread because as an unwed single mother, that has only come back to the faith this year, I am really not sure whether I have any place in the Church. I was brought up in the Catholic faith, but strayed from it quite early on in my life but it truly has been like a light switched on in the darkness to have found Christ’s love again. However, I am well aware of the Church’s perspective on premarital sex, and therefore, I do not feel I can fully involve myself in the Church and I usually go to mass in a neighbouring town rather than my own parish. I would also be very hesitant to get involved in any prayer groups although I did do a life in the spirit course (amazing experience!!!) and did feel drawn to the charismatic renewal. I would be interested if there are any members out there what your viewpoint would be on unwed single mams joinging the group. I suppose ultmately I would be afraid that people would perceive me a bad influence on younger members. I could never envisage finding a Catholic husband although deep down that is ultimately what I want for myself and my now teenage daughter. I find it extremely bizarre how the weddings in the OP’s church are announced. I have never come across anything like that in my life. Marriages are not even announced here in our churches. Previously I would have been very anxious about finding a husbanad and father figure for my daughter because believe me it is a very dark and lonely road, but now I am able to say ‘Thy will be done’ and mean it…most of the time! And being able to do that has been an enormous blessing. I am now 35 and am really facing a reality of being unmarried and hence celibate for the rest of my life. I did make a promise to Christ earlier this year that I would remain celibate untill marriage.
Anyway, from what I’ve read I am Ok to receive the sacraments. Even though I went back receiving communion before I went to confession, I didn’t realise at the time that it was a mortal sin, until I read up on it. I did go to confession since but it was my first time in about 10 years so I just generalised a bit and said I was disrespectful and abusive to myself, others and to God,as I did genuinely think at the time that covered it and the priest said that was fine. Now I dont think he gave me any penance, because I am sure I would have remembered,( Is this very unusual?) But I am not sure any of my sins have been forgiven. I did not feel like any great weight was lifted from my shoulders and even now strangely enough I don’t really feel like my sins have been forgiven or atoned for.
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Congratulations and welcome back! Do not be afraid. We all have our sins. Let him who is without sin throw the first stone was not empty rhetoric. We are also reminded in the Gospel that he who has been forgiven much is more capable of love. It sounds like you have a real desire to come back into the fullness of the Church, you are doing your research. Do not let others’ opinions keep you back.

About Confession though, for all serious sins, we are required to confess with specificity, including the number of times we have fallen into each one. About joining Church groups, I wouldn’t worry too much. The Church is for sinners. Christ did not come for the self-righteous. You need to find somewhere where you feel welcome, but at the same time where you will be nourished to be able to grow in the faith. Keep the faith! 👍
 
Many thanks for your kind and encouraging words cephas. Looks like I will have to get myself off to confession again. I often wish there was online confession but unfortunately there isn’t!
 
flyingfish said:
…

It may help you to know that almost all people have had premarital sex.

95% of respondents (94% of women, 96% of men, and 97% of those who had ever had sex) had had premarital sex.
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The problem is that these statistics don’t tell the entire story. What percentage of these women had premarital sex with a man that wasn’t the man they married? It is not just premarital sex that makes it difficult for a woman to find a husband, but sex previously with another man or men. Some men find it difficult to overcome a woman’s romantic past if it involved sex with other men; that she may always be comparing him to other partners. But most men that love a woman can overcome that.

Single mother’s are in an entirely different category. The child is a constant reminder of the prior sexual relationship. The mother, as expected, places the needs of the child over that of her new husband, and expects him to do so as well. Further, many times the child’s father is in the picture and a source of anything from an annoyance to an embarrassment to an actual physical threat. The question is, from an objective viewpoint, what does the single mother offer to a single man?
 
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