ViI
Let me ask you this, if she does return how do I handle that without resentment towards her for leaving me. I can understand what you say about her having a child young and getting ready to turn 30, she didn’t get to live it up with the rest of her friends. Am I supposed to understand this because she’s having a midlife crisis? She’s a grown woman with responsibility’s, and from what I’ve seen from logging into her Facebook account is that she’s going out and playing miniature golf with friends, and taking them out to eat and that hurts me because that should be me with her at her side, and that should be me having dinner with her, when I lay my head to sleep she should be at my side instead of her friends home. It hurts that she’s laughing while I’m sitting at home in an empty house and crying and I bet she’s not thinking twice about my well being. I just don’t know how she went from loving me one day then cold and heartless the next.
First off, quit reading up on her on Facebook. Also, you have to kind of figure that people will use a vehicle like Facebook to paint the picture that they want others (and themselves) to believe.
How could she go from loving you one day to cold and heartless the next? Probably she didn’t. She probably went from affectionate to disaffected by a gradual process that she hid from you, probably because she expected you to be a mind-reader, but unless you did something egregious that you were oblivious to–like say, “oh, well, that’s a bummer, hope it goes well for you” while letting her fly off alone to her mother’s funeral or something like that–the only other reason besides an affair that she’d turn you off in a day is that she has a crush on somebody or something she can’t have, and she blames the pain of her frustrating sense of covetousness on you. But those are the ways self-inflicted heart-poisonings usually work: a) someone else fails a series of secret tests or b) someone else has continued to be what he is instead of what one has decided to covet.
If you are in the first case, then communication could turn things around. If you are in the second case, then she might wake up, but it might be far, far, too late. She could wake up, though (and you could realize the ways in which you needed to wake up that you don’t realize now) and if you get through the gratitude and work required to do that, it could make your relationship better than ever. That does happen, believe it or not. I’ve seen it happen. It doesn’t happen automatically, it takes work and help and grace, it is scary and sometimes exhausting beyond belief to go through, but it can happen, really it can. It isn’t the straying that makes the relationship better, but the work that the rift forces on the couple in order for their relationship to survive, but relationships can be far better after a rift than before.
How do you keep from being too resentful to take her back? Take the cue of the father in the Prodigal Son. That requires prayer! Look for signs of her return, but do not try to drag her back by force. She has to “come to her senses” before her return will be achieved, and a change of heart is brought about by the force of grace, not by the force argument. (And no, people of lukewarm or non-existent religious leanings are not immune from that sort of grace.)
Also, do not expect that you ought to have to take her back without having her regain trust or without any guidance about how to handle your emotions about it. Get some professional help; you are in a place that requires a local pilot to get boats through who are strangers to the waters. Seek that guidance, don’t feel you need to restrict that to one person, and avail yourself of the guidance you can find.
