Non-Catholic attending Mass for the first time

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morningstar829

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I was raised as a protestant non denomination Christian but fell away from church early in life because things never felt right. Recently in my life I have been doing much soul searching and have decided to at least try going to mass. I have done some reading online about the do’s and don’ts of attending mass for the first time. I have no local friends who are Catholic so I don’t have someone to ask the many questions I have.

My biggest concern is offending people because I am a 31 (turning 32 this next sunday) year old disabled retired security specialist. I look very fit but cannot stand for long periods of time nor can I go from the seated position to standing without sounding like I’m dying. How do I respect the faith, church and people while not being able to move adeptly?
 
HI Morningstar,

It is perfectly fine to sit the entire Mass if you cannot stand or kneel. At this point you will not be walking up to take the Eucharist, so just stay seated when others go up.

There are always pews for disabled near the front, where people can sit with walkers and wheel chairs, and there should be pews for those with hearing aides as well.

Have you phoned the Parish office where you intend to go to Mass, it might be nice to do so and have a talk with the office staff or the Priest, they might have some advice about the facilities you might find helpful at that particular church.

I would normally say just do what everyone else does as in sitting , standing, kneeling, but in your case, its not really helpful. It will take a few Masses to work out what is going on. And thats ok.
 
I can pretty much guarantee you that nobody will be offended by your lack of movement. It’s fully understood that:

A.) Not everybody who attends Mass is Catholic and:

B.) People have disabilities preventing them from fully participating in the liturgy.

As GOM mentioned, there is a separate row reserved for disabled folk. If you convert and start receiving communion it will be brought to you if you like.

I have bad knees and wobble on those kneelers so i simply rest my behind on the seat in a crouched position and nobody has ever told me anything.
 
I know you haven’t mentioned using a stick, but to be honest, in your situation I would consider using one at Mass. As a sort of signpost to make it clear that you have mobility issues, you know ?
 
@morningstar829 Hi! Please feel welcome in any Catholic Church that you visit. Only you will know that it’s new for you. Others might notice a new face, but won’t know you’re a first-timer. You may sit throughout, if you wish.

You could go 10-15 minutes early and tell an usher your situation and ask where he thinks you’ll feel the least conspicuous, if you wish. You could also ask for a quick run-through on navigating the missalette, which will be in the back of the church or on the back of the pew in front of you.

Personally, I’d recommend sitting on a center aisle 6 or 8 rows behind the front pew where you can see and hear the best. Just move your knees to the side so that people can get past you in order to get to communion. It may take them a little more time, and might be a tad awkward, but it’s doable: it’s happened before and it will happen again, so don’t worry. Lol! Just smile and look helpless!

You can also sort of lean over to see the page number your seatmate is looking at and that person will probably help you find the right page throughout Mass. BUT, there is no need for you to struggle with the missalette and songbook unless you really want to do that; it’s perfectly okay for you just to sit there and let everything around you soak in.

Best wishes for a wonderful hour with Our Lord! Please come back and tell us how it went for you!😇
 
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@Lenten_ashes Lol! When it’s time to kneel, I call the scootching forward with my wrists on the back of the pew in front of me: “The Hunch!” 😀 I can no longer kneel, either. :cry:
 
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@Minks Thank you for the idea of speaking to an usher. If they have one that stands out I will speak to them. Though I think it best for me to sit with the other disabled folk as I am impossible to get past. Especially if the pews are small as I am 199 cm tall and weigh in at 164 kg.

Thank you everyone for your helpful responses.
 
Hi

So I’m a non-catholic in my 30s who started going to Mass and adoration a few months ago. I know it’s not the same thing but i was really worried about offending people by not doing the right thing at the right time.

After I plucked up the courage to go (mostly thanks to people on this site tbh) I realised that no-one there is even the slightest bit interested in what you’re doing. They’re there for the Mass.

As long as you are respectful (and by the fact you’re asking this question at all I think that you are) then you will be fine. Where I attend Mass there are people who sit when others are kneeling or standing and no one even bats an eyelid.

My advice for what it’s worth is go to Mass, you’ll soon be wanting to go as often as you can.
 
Depending on the pew arrangements, it might just be easier to sit at the end (if the end is up against a wall), then no one will have to scoot around you. I am a convert myself and had dozens of experiences going to Mass before I was Catholic, and feeling like an imposter! 😆 Truly, no one will notice or mind you kneeling, not kneeling, etc.
Best wishes to you!! Maybe you could watch a Mass on YouTube or something to prepare somehow?
 
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paperwight said:
I know you haven’t mentioned using a stick, but to be honest, in your situation I would consider using one at Mass. As a sort of signpost to make it clear that you have mobility issues, you know ?
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I was thinking the same thing. Think of it as a favor to those who might otherwise have uncharitable thoughts.
 
Depends on where you live. If you live in the southwest where it’s 150 degrees this time of year, many people wear shorts. And it’s accepted.
 
Unfortunately at our parish many wear shorts to mass on Sundays. Things are getting too casual. This is southeastern Pennsylvania where it is hot and humid, but I agree I think people should dress up a little for the Lord’s day.
 
I’m anon Christian that went to Mass a few months ago. I am able to stand but if I ever knelt, the neighbors would have to assist me getting back up!

All the advice above is great. I’ll add one more thing that helped me. I read about the order of the Mass and the Missal ahead of time so I wouldn’t have to have my nose buried in the thing. I wanted to watch and see as much as possible, not be reading. That way I pretty much knew what was happening.

I don’t know any of the prayers or hymns so I just bowed my head. I don’t think even the person right next to me knew or cared that I wasn’t actually participating. Overall, it was a wonderful experience. Next on my list is an hour of Adoration! I can’t say what I’ll think of it until I do it.

Enjoy it…Soak it all in…Don’t worry that you won’t understandeverything the first time…maybe even after several times. Knowing the reading for the day was a big help as the Homily will usually revolve around the readings. It was all interesting, fun and I loved the smiles at the end.

If you have questions afterwords, come here and ask…I did.
 
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Don’t worry about it. The only people who even notice that stuff are the miniscule proportion of “liturgy police” who post on this and similar forums.

90 percent of the people in church aren’t paying attention to you and won’t be bothered if you sit. If somebody questions you, simply tell them you have a disability and they should back off.

The only suggestion I’d make is that if you have mobility issues and you’re not going to receive Communion (since you’re not qualified to do so yet), you need to sit somewhere that won’t block people trying to go to Communion, or else be prepared to get up and let people out and back into the pew. You might want to either sit towards the middle of a pew, or sit in a pew where other people aren’t sitting if that’s possible at your church, just so you don’t block people by sitting.

As someone mentioned, you can also sit in the pews for the disabled. Be sure you don’t receive Communion if you sit there, as the priest or EMHC will likely bring it to the pew. I also think carrying a cane or something would make it clear that you are meant to be sitting there and aren’t an able-bodied person taking up a disabled person’s seat.
 
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Do you think that could just be regional habits? Florida is noted for being layed back and wearing shorts is so normal, no one would question it but maybe in your area, the normal is everyone dresses up a bit more?

I’m just curious. When I was a child living in Ohio, no one would go downtown shopping without dressing up. It’s just what everyone did. We moved to Florida and almost no one wore anything other than shorts! It took my mom a while before she would even wear shorts to grocery store! Just different normals…

I could no more walk into a place of worship in shorts than I would walk in buck naked. It’s just how I am and how I was raised…but if one were raised different?
 
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I’ll read it but just so you know…I’m a hopeless case! Though many are still holding out hope and praying for me…nothing yet! While I’m still culturally Jewish, I lost my faith many moons ago. But you’all can keep trying! 😇
 
Pattylt said:
I’ll read it but just so you know…I’m a hopeless case! Though many are still holding out hope and praying for me…nothing yet! While I’m still culturally Jewish, I lost my faith many moons ago. But you’all can keep trying! 😇
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And yet you remain here! The Holy Spirit is working on you! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
 
IDK…for me in the summer it’s nice sandals, khaki golf shorts and a polo for church. My wife doesn’t even blink. I’ve always thought it was accepted… The priest has complained about what people have worn to Mass once…maybe twice. It’s a farming community, jeans and a collared shirt is dressing up for some people here.
 
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