Non Catholic in a Catholic family

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AveMaria517

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I am the mom of three children that are being raised Catholic. I’m the organizer of the family and as such am the one who is 95% in charge of their religious experiences/ education…etc. The only issue is that I’m not Catholic, I don’t have any religious affiliation at all besides being Christian and having a grudge against the Lutheran church I was raised in.

I decided to raise my children Catholic because I was always drawn to Catholicism from a young age: the idea of saints, the respect given to women, the beauty and mysticism in mass, the comfort that can come from the rosary…etc and also that my husband was raised Catholic, even though he is kinda lapsed at the moment, and his whole family is Catholic.

Over the summer, my husband and I would like to have our youngest son baptized and also to have our marriage convalidated. We are at a different parish from where our daughters were baptized, but if it is similar, I am guessing the priest will once again ask me about my feelings on converting and I want to have that figured out so I have an answer. I’m not sure what I should do to get there though.

How important is it that I convert to Catholicism? I don’t feel ready, but I also don’t know if it is the best idea for me to be in charge of our families religious interactions when I am not a member of that religion. How am I supposed to show my children how important it is when I can’t do some parts of their religion and haven’t taken the last steps to even be a member of it? I had a bad experience with the church I was raised in and I still 4 years later really don’t feel comfortable with any organized religion. My issues with converting to Catholicism have everything to do with me and nothing to do with the church or its teachings. I’ve already been through RCIA and we have been going to mass weekly for the past few years. I just don’t want to get reconfirmed and it doesn’t bother me to not be able to participate in communion.

Any opinions or ideas would be wonderful.
 
If you believe enough so as to put the spiritual future of your children in the hands of the Church, why should you be any different? You wouldn’t leave them with a relative you wouldn’t stay with yourself, right? You say you have been drawn to the Church from a young age and that you have been through RCIA. I can understand your situation, but I would suggest you make the leap. Sooner or later, your children will find it strange that you aren’t taking part in so many things at the parish that they do, and the questions will begin. I would enter into the Church now 🙂
 
Make an appointment and talk to the Pastor of the parish which you are attending and tell him your concerns and thoughts. Maybe he can make some suggestions. I agree, if you trust your children to the Church and want them to remain (when they get older), you should make a commitment yourself (just my opinion).
 
AveMaria517 said:
I’m the organizer of the family and as such am the one who is 95% in charge of their religious experiences/ education…etc. The only issue is that I’m not Catholic, I don’t have any religious affiliation at all besides being Christian and having a grudge against the Lutheran church I was raised in.
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I have a friend who was raised Catholic by a non-Catholic mother. She was an amazing woman. 🙂
AveMaria517 said:
How important is it that I convert to Catholicism? I don’t feel ready, but I also don’t know if it is the best idea for me to be in charge of our families religious interactions when I am not a member of that religion.
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As my friend’s experience shows, you do not necessarily have to be Catholic in order to raise your children Catholic. But I agree with you that it will be very difficult to raise them to be committed to a faith tradition to which you yourself are not. Actions tend to speak louder than words.
AveMaria517 said:
My issues with converting to Catholicism have everything to do with me and nothing to do with the church or its teachings.
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I won’t ask the nature of your experience, but it sounds like it must have been pretty bad and possibly traumatic. Is it something that counseling (spiritual, psychological, or both) might help?
 
AveMaria517 said:
I I had a bad experience with the church I was raised in and I still 4 years later really don’t feel comfortable with any organized religion. My issues with converting to Catholicism have everything to do with me and nothing to do with the church or its teachings. I’ve already been through RCIA and we have been going to mass weekly for the past few years. I just don’t want to get reconfirmed and it doesn’t bother me to not be able to participate in communion.

Any opinions or ideas would be wonderful.
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congratulations for seeing to the religious education of your children, that is real love, all the more so because it is taken up entirely for their own good, not for any benefit you get out of it. That you also take them, rather than just dropping them off at Mass is outstanding a real act of devotion on your part, to be able to see and do what is best for them. You are quite right, the older they are the more they will raise questions about your own belief and attitudes. Answer them honestly, that you have been studying the faith and praying about this and will ask God to answer your questions in his own good time.

I think you have answered at least part of your question here, in that you refer to your own bad experiences as a child, and at least tacitly acknowledge that you have to work through and deal with that issue. You are obviously taking steps as parents to make sure your own children have a much better experience and I salute you for that. Since that issue is one that rises to the surface when you ask your question, my suggestion would be to spend some time thinking about exactly what it is in that bad experience that has “turned you off”–was it doctrine, people, leadership, hypocrisy, someone in your own family, an event you associate with “church” but not necessarily about the religion itself. That introspection might give you clues on what you ARE looking for at this time in your life, why you are comfortable raising your children Catholic, and what it is about conversion you are resisting. The spiritual exercise of doing this, in prayer, and with guidance from Catholics you trust when you get to that point, will help your growth no matter what you decide.

For some reason my experience with RCIA over the years has included almost every year someone with experience very similar to yours, I guess because I also deal with the children’s RE and we make an effort to be welcoming to the non-Catholic parents. What seems almost always to help is to suggest that they pray, with scripture or whatever way is most comfortable in their faith tradition, and simply ask Jesus to show them the answer to whatever is their question, doubt, barrier, roadblock, anger, or sometimes apathy. I don’t say inevitably they have gone on to be confirmed and make a profession of faith, but they almost all experience significant growth in faith and their relationship with Jesus. I think if your relationship with Jesus is your priority you will find your way.

as a practical matter, no you do not have to become Catholic in order to have your marriage convalidated, but it would be a real act of love for your spouse as it will enable him to return to the sacraments, something vital to Catholics.
 
Thank you everyone for your replies! You all gave me some things to think about. I will have to spend some time actively thinking about all the things that gave me a negative perspective on organized religion and why they still bother me, even though they aren’t factors in Catholicism. I believe it is mostly a trust issue and I feel that members of churches are more vulnerable to those in positions of power within their churches. Having quite a few bad experiences makes me not want to put myself in a situation that makes me feel vulnerable in that way again. It all just makes me uncomfortable and being confirmed and becoming an actual member brings up bad memories. Unfortunately, nothing having to do with the Catholic church and still all my problems to work through. Hopefully time will help!
 
*Hello. You’re doing a wonderful thing for your children. You’re ensuring they have the best spiritually and you’re an excellent mother because of it.

Please keep a few things in mind when deciding what to do next . . .

Your experience as a Lutheran will not be the same as your experience as a Catholic. You’re drawn to Catholicism for a reason. Perhaps this is the place you should have always been. Perhaps your “home” is in the Catholic Church.

If your children see you not practicing, as they get older they may feel as though they shouldn’t practice either. That could cause confusion and conflict for them. Many times children say, “if you’re not doing it, why do I have to?” I think seeing you as a Catholic will give them the security they need to always be strong in the Church.

Christ loves you no matter what you decide. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Celtic_Catholic said:
If your children see you not practicing
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It sounds like she might, though, at least to a much larger extent than other non-Catholics. If she takes the kids to Mass at least weekly, for example, and attends the liturgy with them, the kids could not grumble that they have to go while she doesn’t.
 
aspirant said:
It sounds like she might, though, at least to a much larger extent than other non-Catholics. If she takes the kids to Mass at least weekly, for example, and attends the liturgy with them, the kids could not grumble that they have to go while she doesn’t.
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You have a point. 😃
 
Hi and Welcome!

For some reason, as I was reading your post, Sr. Rosalind Moss popped into my head. She was an apologist here at Catholic Answers, and then she founded a religious order based in St. Louis (where I live) (Sisters of Mary, Daughter of Israel’s Glory? Or something like that?). She was raised Jewish, was an atheist for awhile, then an Evangelical (and antiCatholic) Christian for many years before coming into the Catholic Church. She’s a guest on Catholic Answers Live on Wednesdays, in a segment called “From the Heart”. I find it to be kind of a combination of apologetics and spiritual advice. It seems (again, I’m not sure why) that she may be able to give you some advice and counsel. Is there a Catholic radio station and/or EWTN affiliate in your area (or do you have Sirius XM satellite radio)? Catholic Answers Live comes on at 5:00 p.m. Central Time (not sure where you are and how it would translate). It’s 2 hours, though, and I can’t remember if Sr. Rosalind is the first or second hour (I believe Fr. Vincent Serpa has the other hour). If you can’t call her on the radio, maybe she can be reached through this website, I’m not sure though.

Blessings to you though, and I’ll pray for your family (especially your husband, that he’ll “unlapse” :))

In Christ,

Ellen
 
My first thoughts to you are to be a Catholic. Not just for your family, but for yourself. God gives many graces when you attend mass and receive Him in the Holy Eucharist. He is standing there with an armful for you. Why wait? The graces will help you in your every day living and to know God better.

My prayers are with you! 😉
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. Dorothy Day
 
ALLGIRLS said:
Hi and Welcome!

For some reason, as I was reading your post, Sr. Rosalind Moss popped into my head. She was an apologist here at Catholic Answers, and then she founded a religious order based in St. Louis (where I live) (Sisters of Mary, Daughter of Israel’s Glory? Or something like that?). She was raised Jewish, was an atheist for awhile, then an Evangelical (and antiCatholic) Christian for many years before coming into the Catholic Church. She’s a guest on Catholic Answers Live on Wednesdays, in a segment called “From the Heart”. I find it to be kind of a combination of apologetics and spiritual advice. It seems (again, I’m not sure why) that she may be able to give you some advice and counsel. Is there a Catholic radio station and/or EWTN affiliate in your area (or do you have Sirius XM satellite radio)? Catholic Answers Live comes on at 5:00 p.m. Central Time (not sure where you are and how it would translate). It’s 2 hours, though, and I can’t remember if Sr. Rosalind is the first or second hour (I believe Fr. Vincent Serpa has the other hour). If you can’t call her on the radio, maybe she can be reached through this website, I’m not sure though.

Blessings to you though, and I’ll pray for your family (especially your husband, that he’ll “unlapse” :))

In Christ,

Ellen
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Thank you! I will listen for her and look for her website!
 
It looks like the Holy Spirit is pulling you toward the Church. Although you have many questions, sooner or later all of them will be answered. Prayers will help alot. The Mass will definitely illuminate your mind and give you the much needed encouragement specially during the Liturgy of the Word. Open your heart and pay attention during this time and you will discover that God will speak to you directly. You are walking in the right direction. God bless and live Jesus in our hearts.
 
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