Non climaxing foreplay between marital acts?

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prolifewife

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I have read that foreplay as long as it is not overly stimulating and does not lead to a climax outside of the marital act is permissible. So, then, are non climaxing acts of genital foreplay allowed in between marital acts? Meaning could I touch/pinch/grab my husband briefly “down there” in the shower (no climax/orgasm) but not have relations until that night? How about if we are having to abstain for a few days, could we do the same? Thanks.
 
prolifewife said:
I have read that foreplay as long as it is not overly stimulating and does not lead to a climax outside of the marital act is permissible. So, then, are non climaxing acts of genital foreplay allowed in between marital acts? Meaning could I touch/pinch/grab my husband briefly “down there” in the shower (no climax/orgasm) but not have relations until that night? How about if we are having to abstain for a few days, could we do the same? Thanks.
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Here are my thoughts on this topic based upon my understanding of TOtB and those that have more concrete examples can feel free to correct me.

I think that you are walking a fine line here with these acts. First and foremost it is going to come down to the intention of the act. If you both are in the shower and you start to do something “down there” what is the intention. If it is a mere touch or something playful like that then I think that you are okay. If you both know that you have some place to be or there is a reason to not end the act in the marital embrace then you must be aware of what the limits are with regards to any touching that is sexual in nature.

If you are completely sure and you have every intention of having sex that night, I think that you still must be careful with the extent of the act that you perform in the shower early in the day. You need to also be aware of what you are doing, physically, to your spouse with regards to any sexual activity. If you start to “play” with something that will get the hormones going and place that strong drive or desire for having sex then you will be walking into the area that I am sure that you do not want to go.

Also, you must always look at how you are respecting your spouses’ body and not using it as a mere object for your pleasure. While just being playful with your husband “down there” my be something that you view as “no harm, no foul” it may be putting him in a position that he is “ready” to have sex, but cannot (for some reason).

Alright so I am rattling on and my have not gotten to the core answer here, but I would be sure that before performing any act to look at the intention. I think that some playful touching and all of that is not something that is crossing the line as long as it is not a prolonged activity and both partners understand the intent and both are being respected. Just be sure not to cross that thin line that you are walking. Better yet, take the extra time to engage in the act.

When you are fertile, trying to avoid I think that activities like this should be avoided.
 
prolifewife said:
I have read that foreplay as long as it is not overly stimulating and does not lead to a climax outside of the marital act is permissible. So, then, are non climaxing acts of genital foreplay allowed in between marital acts? Meaning could I touch/pinch/grab my husband briefly “down there” in the shower (no climax/orgasm) but not have relations until that night? How about if we are having to abstain for a few days, could we do the same? Thanks.
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As you have described it. Yes.

as long as it is not getting one vehementy aroused.

or danger of climax…

and it is not a near occasion for them…

(and of course as long as it is not in some other way sinful…treating one as a object…etc)

one has to be of course prudent. for the virtue of prudence is what needs to govern our actions…among other virtues…each spouse needs to know the other and themselve.

however the 2nd part of the question …raises more issues… for there ‘can’ be a problem of putting ones spouse in a near occasion of sin…when one has to abstain for a few days (nfp with serious reasons)…so this is more often to be avoided…

and it can be sinful…for one should not put the other into a near occasion to mortal sin…

but one has to judge this…for each person has differing constitutions…

However i should note there can be differing opinions among good Catholic Moral Theologians…but what I have said here is within the realm of solid orthodox Catholic Moral theology
 
PS: remember too women and men are different in this respect…what would not be a problem for you can be for him…so be open in your communication…before this could happen again…
 
In this area, when there is ambiguity, I think you should err on the side of allowing loving interaction between spouses. What you describe has not been clearly proscribed, and being overly scrupulous holds particular danger for a couple who is already trying to be holy.

Frankly, I see this kind of thing as being intrinsic to the marital act. That it occurs several hours or days before the act makes no difference. As you describe it, your interaction is not for itself, but a precursor–you’re expressing how much you are looking forward to the act, no? It neither causes nor is intended to cause significant pleasure which could stand alone, thus isolating pleasure from the unifying nature of the act.
 
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