Not Catholic enough

[Haru]

A little background: I grew up as a Catholic but it was hard because my parents are pretty lukewarm and selective about the doctrines that they want to accept/ reject. Their beliefs are heavily influenced by protestantism and I feel like they don’t fully believe in the sacraments. (It’s been years since they went for confession and if they don’t feel like going to church on Sunday they don’t and say “I’ll just read my Bible and say a personal prayer and Jesus will understand”). Due to their attitude, I found myself falling prey to a lot of misinformation and mininterpreted/twisted teachings about Catholicism growing up, to the extent where I even considered leaving the Catholic church and it took me years and lots of rosaries to unlearn and relearn the Catechism. A lot of what I know now is what I had to teach myself.

Due to this, I really want my future children to grow up in a good Catholic household. So that they learn the right doctrines and teachings from a young age and see their parents live out their faith on a daily basis.

And so, I want to date and marry a devout catholic but I fear that I’d be rejected by a good Catholic man because my family is not very “catholic” in their speech and actions. Some of you might say that such a man isn’t a good Catholic either but at the end of the day I feel like he isn’t really wrong, because marriage is also the union of two families and as a practicing Catholic you’d want your children to grow up in the right environment.

Does that mean that I can never date and marry a devout Catholic man?

 

[Lou2U]

Of course you can!

And so, I want to date and marry a devout catholic but I fear that I’d be rejected by a good Catholic man because my family is not very “catholic” in their speech and actions. Some of you might say that such a man isn’t a good Catholic either but at the end of the day I feel like he isn’t really wrong, because marriage is also the union of two families and as a practicing Catholic you’d want your children to grow up in the right environment.

The primary caregivers of your children will be you and your future husband’s. It’s your beliefs that are the most important to your children. And it’s very easy to explain to children that although their grandparents think X, you believe Y. Millions of families do just that.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I never heard a Practicing Catholic man say “I like her but… Her family is not very devout so it can never work” I would not worry about being rejected in the least bit due how religious or not your family is. You are really worrying over nothing. My wife has a brother who is a atheist and my entire family is protestant. Nobody comes from a perfect family.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

You’ll be fine. If he loves you enough to marry you he will be willing to accept your family for who they are. No ones family is perfect no matter how it appears from the outside.

 

[DIERM]

I fear that I’d be rejected by a good Catholic man because my family is not very “catholic” in their speech and actions.

If this is the belief of a prospective suitor, he is not particularly a good Catholic himself.

 

[Welshrabbit]

I fear that I’d be rejected by a good Catholic man because my family is not very “catholic” in their speech and actions.

You won’t.

99.99% of good Catholic men just want a good Catholic woman. I highly doubt he will care about your family’s practices, only yours.

 

[Irishmom2]

because marriage is also the union of two families

I get what you are saying, but no. Marriage is the union of two people, not two families. Your future spouse falls in love with you. He may have to accept who your family is, or may find he even likes them, but he only has to love you. He only marries you. As the saying goes, don’t borrow trouble. Don’t worry about your family because you are leaving that family behind to start your own new family. You do not need to make excuses or apologize for your family, you are “stand alone.” Your future spouse will choose you despite how or who your family is or he isn’t the right Catholic for you.

 

[1ke]

And so, I want to date and marry a devout catholic but I fear that I’d be rejected by a good Catholic man because my family is not very “catholic” in their speech and actions.

Any man who rejects you because of this isn’t a good man.

You are you, and your family is your family. You can’t control them or who they are or what they do. Any good man knows this.

In my own case, my husband is the best man and he is from a devout family that are like Holy Family level of devout.

I am an adult convert with divorced parents, who was raised by her grandparents. I have half and step siblings, a dad who’s been married 4 times and is currently living with a “lady friend” plus one step brother is bipolar and crazy town. Mom is a practicing Catholic. Dad is a nothing, raised Episcopalian. Brothers on dad’s side are all nothings, and sister in law is Jewish.

My husband didn’t care one bit that my family is messy. Because he loves ME and married ME, not them.

Now if in-laws are meddlesome or abusive to you or your significant other, that’s a different issue. My family is all very nice, just messy.

and as a practicing Catholic you’d want your children to grow up in the right environment.

You are barking up the wrong tree if you think you can control the environment of your kids to the level they are never exposed to non-ideal family circumstances. And sheltering them isn’t the answer either.

Even in my husband’s very devout nuclear family of origin, if you look below the surface there’s plenty of dysfunction and non practicing cousins and uncles and aunts.

Oh did I mention my gay uncle and lesbian aunt?

Look you can’t control the rest of the world. Don’t take that on yourself.

A good man isn’t going to judge your family.

 

[Haru]

Thank you
I had been disheartened about this for a while and I realised I had been thinking about this in the wrong way. And hearing everyone’s stories and answers cheered me up

 

[ASC]

No, just let him know that your parent’s attitude is not the same as yours. My mom has siblings who have left the faith, but I know that she herself is very Catholic.

 

[tomo_pomo]

No, if I remember correctly Jesus said that exaggerated anxiety is not good.