Not cohabiting and personality disorders

[EasterJoy]

No, the fact that the abuse stems from an illness does not mean you have to just sit tight and endure it. You should do what you can to help your spouse deal with their sickness but that does not mean continuing to live with them and accepting their abuse. In fact, often doing this only ends up enabling the abusing spouse which does the exact opposite of actually help them. And sometimes, there really is nothing you can do but pray for them from a safe distance.

What the Church has to say about when a married couple may morally separate.

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P45.HTM

There are no exceptions for the spouse causing mental or physical danger or even simply making common life too difficult being sick. If such harm is occurring to either the spouse or the children then there is a legitimate reason for the spouses to separate. This is true even if the marriage is clearly valid. Do not believe the lie that since your spouse’s behaviour stems from an illness you are obliged to suffer abuse. That is not at all Catholic teaching on the matter.

Exactly. It is enough that the spouse suffering abuse or infidelity deserves to escape the harm. The spouse does not have the right nor does the spouse need to decide if the offending spouse is at fault or not. That the infidelity or danger is real is sufficient; the spouse does not have to judge guilt, but can leave that up to God.

A tribunal can investigate whether the capacity for a lifelong marriage existed, however. If a person made a promise in good faith but in the end did not prove to have the capacity to do what was promised, then that attempt at marriage was not valid, even if that spouse had a capacity to fulfill marriage vows for a limited time or under narrow circumstances.

 

[EasterJoy]

My 2 biggest struggles are this.

I have been told by several priest(s) I can get a annulment, but being told if I get a divorce I can get an annulment is tough for me. Should I just quit my marriage? I am sure there are many successful\happy marriages that may qualify for an annulments. So if you find something out worthy of annulment does that mean should you just quit, I so NO.

Yes, abuse is a different thing, but “In sickness and health” if the illness causes you to act out does justify it? Something I think it does…

The problem is that you are describing making yourself a near occasion of sin for your wife on a daily basis. Even if you could take her abuse–would it be good for her to be tempted to give it out? You are talking about serious damage, a serious matter, far beyond the “wear and tear” of living with another human being who sins from time to time. You are describing someone who cannot fulfill the requirements of marriage and who has suffered this incapacity from the beginning. You are not alone in this attempt at marriage. She is in it, too, and she is doomed to fail at it every day. Is that what you want for* her*?

If she were my sister, I’d say “get off of her radar.” This passes the “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” test. You would not ask her to allow you to abuse her. You’d try to get her out of harm’s way, even if you were doing the harm. As Dr. Jekyll, you’d make sure she was out of Mr. Hyde’s reach, right? This would even be true if you had a valid marriage and you had to go without remarriage or a wife: that is, you would not want to be in a situation where you are harming your wife every day. If she cannot do better, why force her to fail every day, over and over? How is that good for her?