Not permitted to receive Eucharist though we are living as brother and sister?

[krissy343]

Wow! Thanks for all the kindness and support!!!

From Slientdeb: I’m not Catholic yet so I’m not in any position to offer advice… I just wanted to say that I admire you both tremendously for returning to the faith, and having the strength to live as brother and sister while you’re sorting it all out. That takes a great deal of love for God, from my perspective, and I think you’re both quite wonderful.

Hang in there, dear - it will be more than worth it!

Thank you so much, you are so VERY kind! This is a tough thing but yes, we know it will be Sooooo worth it in the end. I NEVER want to live in mortal sin again because I know how much it hurts our Lord and I am so thankful that I have a husband that feels the same way I do. Thanks again for all your kind words! :hug1:

From Brooklyn: My husband and I were in exactly the same position as you - both returning Catholics who needed to have their marriage convalidated. I also took communion after confession thinking it was okay, and our priest said, no, we had to wait until the convalidation. My husband and I were also living like brother and sister.

We are not fully received back into the Church until the convalidation of our marriage. Therefore, we are not in a full state of grace and should not be receiving communion. I agree, it was a hard thing to do, but it is something to offer up to God, and as our priest told us, we can take spiritual communion.

BTW, the fact that you have taken communion is not a sin because you were unaware of the law against it.

I hope your convalidation is soon, and that it is as much a time for joy for you as it was for us.

It is so nice to hear from someone who has been through this! It is a hard thing to do but not being able to accept Communion is even harder. But, if that’s what we have to do, we are more than willing to do whatever it takes!
Thanks for your reply!

From KathleenElsie: The few months prior to our convalidation were the longest in my life. We did not have to go to classes (married outside of church 20 years prior) but the paper work had to be filed from my home parish in another state. The old parish was not in a big hurry.

Well worth it. Been back for almost 20 years also. My husband is now in RCIA

Wow that had to be really rough! I’m thankful that I live in the same city that all our records are located in! Thanks for your reply

From OutdnChgoburbs: if the priest who is preparing you for convaldiation said it was OK, it is OK. Don’t collect opinions. All priests are human. Other priests may or may not know the whole story, and may not know what the other priest said, or may just have his own personal opinion on the matter. You have been to confession and are living as brother rand sister with a civilly legal wedding. Please give the priest prepping you the courtesy of the benefit of the doubt.

The priest who is preparing our convalidation is the same priest who we went to confession with and right afterwards I was so happy that asking him about Communion completely slipped my mind. We have an appointment tomorrow with him though so I will definitely ask him! The priest that I asked about it was the one who was at Mass last night so I figured I would just ask him.
thanks for your reply

From Chicago: It would seem to me that the priest who flatly said “No” was probably being overly stringent, considering the circumstances. I would argue that accepting communion would actually help strengthen you to live out a courageous life of grace while awaiting the convalidation ceremony.

I thought so too but I really don’t want to take any chances. Thanks for your reply

From Andreas_Hofer: We should, of course, worry about God’s opinion, but if you want a good authority on the danger of scandal and our duty to avoid it I would suggest the Epistles of St. Paul. I see you’ve gotten some answers that help you understand the danger, so I won’t belabor the point. It should suffice to say that we understand this must be a trying time, but that doesn’t excuse us from preaching accurately through our actions.

That is VERY true, I guess I didn’t really look at it that way I will definitely do the recommended reading. Thanks for the reply

 

[Brooklyn]

I did a little searching and I found this post from 2004 from Father Serpa. The question to the apologist is:

“I commonly encounter this as an adult education catechist: two baptized catholics married by civil ceremony, without previous marriages. Can they receive Holy Communion before convalidation? If they are preparing to receive the sacrament of Confirmation, should they have their marriage convalidated first?”

Father Serpa’s answer was:

"**Dear Nonato,

To not be validly married means that if they have sexual relations with someone they are not married to, they are guilty of the sin of fornication.

As long as they are living as husband and wife without being validly married to each other, they may not receive Holy Communion. If they live as brother and sister, they may.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.
**

The link for this is:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=14820

So you may take comfort from this fact that it does seem that receiving communion before your convalidation is okay, and the priest who advised us was wrong also, unless of course he assumed that my husband and I were living as husband and wife.

Mary

 

[krissy343]

Thanks Brooklyn

 

[Sr_Sally]

However, it still seems wise to clarify with your pastor and follow his advice. Obedience to authority and humility and patience are virtues worth cultivating.

 

[Potato1]

However, it still seems wise to clarify with your pastor and follow his advice. Obedience to authority and humility and patience are virtues worth cultivating.

hear hear. Instead of pitting one priest against another, perhaps it would be wise to (with the proper respect) meet with the priest and discuss church teaching on this manner. It is amazing what a little conversation can accomplish. Why are people so afraid to converse?

 

[krissy343]

Update: We had our meeting with the Priest that is assisting us in convalidating our marriage today. He said we are most definitely free to receive communion and that the Priest I spoke to before must have misunderstood me. He said that by us living together, not having intercourse, we are not committing a mortal sin I feel SOOOOO much better! Woo hoo! I could dance lol

 

[LilyM]

Update: We had our meeting with the Priest that is assisting us in convalidating our marriage today. He said we are most definitely free to receive communion and that the Priest I spoke to before must have misunderstood me. He said that by us living together, not having intercourse, we are not committing a mortal sin I feel SOOOOO much better! Woo hoo! I could dance lol

:extrahappy: God is good!

 

[palmas85]

While not casting any doubts on this poster and his her motives, I think the post itself is a good example of why people should not parish shop or priest shop especially those in analogous situations to this one. Stick with your Priest, Pastor or Bishop unless they are really way off the mark theologically.

I know personally several Priests and have an ongoing social relationship with them. One I know would definitely tell them not to receive while others would probably tell them to receive. Those views reflect in my opinion the personal; beliefs of the Priest and if you are dealing with that particular Priest you should respect his views as he is your spiritual adviser in essence. He may very well have reasons for his actions that are specifically tailored to the individuals in question.

The lives of many of the Saints bear eloquent witness to the fact that their spiritual advisers often had them not engage in activity that was outside of the norms but was appropriate for them personally as either penitentional or instructional in nature.

 

[Steve40]

While not casting any doubts on this poster and his her motives, I think the post itself is a good example of why people should not parish shop or priest shop especially those in analogous situations to this one. Stick with your Priest, Pastor or Bishop unless they are really way off the mark theologically.

I know personally several Priests and have an ongoing social relationship with them. One I know would definitely tell them not to receive while others would probably tell them to receive. Those views reflect in my opinion the personal; beliefs of the Priest and if you are dealing with that particular Priest you should respect his views as he is your spiritual adviser in essence. He may very well have reasons for his actions that are specifically tailored to the individuals in question.

The lives of many of the Saints bear eloquent witness to the fact that their spiritual advisers often had them not engage in activity that was outside of the norms but was appropriate for them personally as either penitentional or instructional in nature.

On the surface I was going to disagree, but I admit I am not familiar enough with the dynamic of spiritual direction. When I did go for spiritual direction I was often too full of pride to listen to them. To some extent today I still may be to full of pride to listen. Thanks for the comments. I’ll think differently of spiriual direction in the future.

 

[LilyM]

The lives of many of the Saints bear eloquent witness to the fact that their spiritual advisers often had them not engage in activity that was outside of the norms but was appropriate for them personally as either penitentional or instructional in nature.

Yes but for the most part people choose from more than one option who will be their spiritual director to begin with. Did not St Teresa of Avila choose St John of the Cross? And St Jane Frances St Francis de Sales? And St Clare of Assisi St Francis (even though he was initially reluctant)?

So it’s only once that relationship and ‘good fit’ has been established to start with that the directee will then place themselves entirely in the director’s hands. Don’t think this couple were quite at that stage yet!

 

[palmas85]

Yes but for the most part people choose from more than one option who will be their spiritual director to begin with. Did not St Teresa of Avila choose St John of the Cross? And St Jane Frances St Francis de Sales? And St Clare of Assisi St Francis (even though he was initially reluctant)?

So it’s only once that relationship and ‘good fit’ has been established to start with that the directee will then place themselves entirely in the director’s hands. Don’t think this couple were quite at that stage yet!

I thought the Priest was preparing them for convalidation and sacramental marriage. Not exactly a minor undertaking.

 

[LilyM]

I thought the Priest was preparing them for convalidation and sacramental marriage. Not exactly a minor undertaking.

We don’t know how far along they are in their preparations. Besides which, sometimes it takes a while to determine whether a person will be a suitable spiritual director for you or not.

 

[krissy343]

Wow! Ok, to clear things up… Not sure if this fact is understood by everyone posting; the Priest that told me that we should not be receiving Communion is not the same priest that is preparing our convalidation, he was just the first available when the question arose in my mind. I had talked to him briefly about our situation while we were seeking originally to get our marriage convalidated but I didn’t get a good vibe from him. I was seeking someone who would guide us in a friendly manner, he seemed to lack this quality. Before that, I had never spoken to him as he is a new Priest in the area. Now maybe I misread him, not sure. All I shared with him was the fact that we were seeking convalidation. He didn’t know (either did we) that we were going to choose to live as bro and sis until the convalidation had taken place. When I spoke to him after Mass about receiving Communion since we had both been to confession and were living as brother and sister. Now, I didn’t clarify that we weren’t being intimate, I figured he would know what living as bro and sis meant. He flat out said no, no explanation, nothing. Just no. It was when I went back and thought about his “unfriendliness” during our meeting that I started questioning his answer. That’s when I got on here and asked you wonderful people and then today, asked the Priest that IS prepaing our convalidation and he said that we are commiting no sin by living as we are; as bro and sis. And he also stated that the Priest that “denied” us must not have understood what I was telling him.
I guess I shouldn’t have put that part in my original post about “getting a second opinion” I didnt’ mean that I was going to look around until I found an answer that suited me. I just seriously felt he was wrong. Thanks for the concerns though

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

See Krissy, it was all mixed up!!! Aren’t you glad you went to the priest who is handling your convalidation in the first place?:extrahappy:

 

[Semper_Fi_1]

Krissy, until your marriage is convalidated in the Church, you are not technically in full communion with Her as you were married outside of Her. You and your husband can still go up and receive a blessing from the Priest when Communion is offered, simply cross your arms and he will bless you and your husband. Offer this up as your sacrifice on the path to full communion! God bless you.

BTW simply changing parishes would not solve the matter and receiving under these circumstances could bring mortal sin onto the soul, I would advise against it as it is grave matter.