Not stopping to say hi?

[Crown_of_Stars]

I was at church with someone, and it was just the two of us sitting together at the end closest to the aisle. A lady I work with, and am friends with, walked past us, keeping her eyes straight ahead, and going right to her seat. She knows both me and this other lady I was with. I didn’t see anything wrong with the lady I’m friends with walking past and going right to her seat. In fact, I hadn’t thought anything of it at all, until a whole day later, the other lady I was with told me she thought that was a little “strange” and that she should have stopped to say hi to us, since she knows us and sees us just about every week in church. Then she said that this other lady was maybe “unfriendly” for not having stopped on her way to her seat, and that she would have seen us because she went right past us. So what do you think? Should people who know eachother stop to say hi on their way to their seat? I really don’t think so. In my own personal opinion, it doesn’t at all mean that this lady was being “strange” or “unfriendly.” It’s just nagging at me and really bothers me.
IndianLady

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Some people think it’s wrong to socialize in the church and she could be one of them. It’s also possible that she had something on her mind or was already deep in prayer.

From the Catechism:
2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

This is going to vary by local practice. In some parishes, people greet those they know if they pass them on to way to their seats. In others, silence is maintained in the church prior to Mass and one only speaks (softly) if it’s absolutely necessary. There is no one right way to behave in these circumstances always and everywhere.

 

[1ke]

So what do you think?

I think people need to try not to project onto other people. Your friend has no idea why the lady didn’t stop or greet you two. She is assuming and she is being uncharitable.

Should people who know eachother stop to say hi on their way to their seat?

That really isn’t appropriate in the sanctuary of the church. Meet and greet outside after mass.

 

[aroosi]

I would say… let it go. You don’t know what is going on in the lady’s life. Maybe she was worried about something, maybe she didn’t feel like talking that day, maybe she was just tired.

 

[Crown_of_Stars]

You know, that’s what I thought, that it’s unfairly assuming and harsh on this lady for not stopping. I thought, why should she, really? She’s a good friend of mine, I know she’s a nice lady, and she’s always approachable and friendly enough. Not everyone is the same, some are just more demonstrative than others, and it doesn’t mean you’re “not very friendly” if you’re not. I, myself, am more calm and quiet and tend to keep to myself. This lady didn’t at all have to feel obligated or that we were expecting her to stop. I agree, as all of you probably will, that this was a bit out of line and that she didn’t deserve to be talked about like this when she did nothing wrong. I just needed to vent. I get that way sometimes, if something is especially bothering me. What I need to do, I know you’ll tell me, is that I need to talk to the person who upset me by saying this about her, and that’s what I’ll do. Thankyou for your thoughts.

IndianLady

Oh, and by the way, our church is very casual, but reverent, and there is a lot of visiting before and after among a lot of the parishioners there. But I don’t feel it’s disrespectful. I don’t know if there’s anything seriously wrong with it or not, but I could just be used to it. Jesus Himself was very relaxed and thought (correct me if I’m wrong) that the Pharisees were too rigid and needed to just relax a little.

 

[PetraG]

You cannot possibly be “up” enough at all times to always greet everyone you’re friends every single time your group meets.
She was preoccupied. Let it go.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Some people are inordinately concerned with whether others say hello or notice them or not. It may also be that your friend already has some previous interaction with the lady that left a bad impression and is now just looking for more things to dislike about her.

I would probably just assume the lady who didn’t say Hi was focused on mentally preparing herself for Mass, or else was distracted/ inattentive thinking about a personal issue, such as something she was worried or upset or sad about, wanted to pray for, needed to do after church, was feeling tired or ill, etc. I have often gone to Mass when not at my best and not been rushing to socialize with people.

Finally, if one is bothered by another we know not saying “Hello”, how hard is it to go up to the person and say “Hello, good to see you here” yourself? Rather than sit and complain that the other person is unfriendly?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Oh, and by the way, our church is very casual, but reverent, and there is a lot of visiting before and after among a lot of the parishioners there. But I don’t feel it’s disrespectful. I don’t know if there’s anything seriously wrong with it or not, but I could just be used to it.

As long as it’s not happening during the Mass itself, it’s not a problem in my mind.

There are some people who like to have an absolutely quiet church space in order to prepare themselves before Mass and give thanks after. They are the ones who get bothered by “church chatters”. It’s largely an individual parish and cultural thing, and people don’t always get the environment they want. If your parish and culture are generally okay with the socializing, then as long as it’s not happening during Mass itself, don’t worry about it.

At the same time, if someone does not wish to partake of the socializing in church, then they should not be criticized for it. Perhaps as I said they wish to pray instead of chat.

 

[Shorter_name]

So what do you think?

Growing up, my dad taught us that socializing was done after Mass, not before, not during. Perhaps, she was coming into church in a prayerful manner of preparation. Not at all intending to be unfriendly. Perhaps she is an introvert too.

 

[Rob2]

I was brought up to see the church as a place where one didn’t chat with other people .

One remained silent .

It is a place for prayer .

Before Mass one prepares through prayer .

After Mass one gives thanks through prayer .

I see no reason why I should change the habits of a lifetime .

I am pleased the Holy Father has made known his views on the matter .

Mass is a time of silence and prayer, not idle chitchat, pope says

Mass is the highest form of prayer and not an appropriate moment for small talk, Pope Francis said.

www.ncronline.org