Not sure how to help my friend

[MJPalomo]

About two months ago I learned a good friend of mine started suffering from depression and anorexia. I’ve tried helping her, at first things were going well, she started eating at least twice a day and things were looking good. Except now she says that her sister is saying bad things about her behind her back, she is afraid that everyone is judging her at school, and she doesn’t want to talk to her mom about it, and wont tell her therapist everything that’s going on. She is basically afraid to ask for help, as much as I try to help I am still about six hours away and I am very busy so I cannot help as much as I can. Any verses? Idea? or just praying for her would be nice too.

 

[InAllThingsLove]

As someone in recovery from anorexia, and who still struggles with depression I have great sympathy for your friend, and I applaud you for being there for her. I know that sometimes people with those issues can be hard to deal with. I’ll be praying for you both.

Encourage her to talk to her therapist. If she isn’t completely honest about things, they can’t help as well as they could otherwise.

What is it that she doesn’t want to talk to her mom about, just her sister, her illness in general, or the kids at school? How aware of her anorexia is her mom? Is she Catholic? (It’s tough to come up with ideas without context)

Honestly, there’s only just so much a friend can do when someone has those issues. Pray for her. Be there to listen.

 

[MJPalomo]

As someone in recovery from anorexia, and who still struggles with depression I have great sympathy for your friend, and I applaud you for being there for her. I know that sometimes people with those issues can be hard to deal with. I’ll be praying for you both.

Encourage her to talk to her therapist. If she isn’t completely honest about things, they can’t help as well as they could otherwise.

What is it that she doesn’t want to talk to her mom about, just her sister, her illness in general, or the kids at school? How aware of her anorexia is her mom? Is she Catholic? (It’s tough to come up with ideas without context)

Honestly, there’s only just so much a friend can do when someone has those issues. Pray for her. Be there to listen.

Well she doesnt want to bring anything up to her mom because she is convinced her mom doesn’t care about her, I am honestly not sure how aware her mom is about the anorexia, and yes she is Catholic.

 

[InAllThingsLove]

If she’s under 18, then I’d try to make sure her mother is aware, because that would hopefully open up more avenues for care. I didn’t want to bring anything up with my mom, and I ended up finding my mom didn’t believe me, and so in that case she didn’t care and I got that unfortunate confirmation. However, part of an eating disorder can be thinking that you are worthless and no one cares about you, so I would encourage her to at least try to talk to her mom about some of the issues. At the very least, her therapist is bound by privilege, and again encourage her to talk about the situation in that safe zone.

Otherwise, I’d remind your friend that she can always offer the suffering up to God and pray about it. God loves her, and God cares. If he didn’t she wouldn’t exist. Luke 12:6-7 is a good one to remind about each person’s worth. Reading about Theology of the Body can also be good, because even if sexuality isn’t important to her at right now, it deals heavily with human dignity and worth, so if that’s something you think she might have interest in, that’s an idea.

 

[NiceMimi]

You can encourage her to speak to her therapist freely…You can also find out her therapists name, where her therapist’s office is (easy just say you have another friend who needs a good therapist), and then call her therapist, and let her therapist know everything you know. Her therapist won’t be able to tell you if this girl is her patient, but she more than likely listen to what you have to say. Just tell her everything you know, and then say goodbye and hang up. The therapist will take care of the rest. The therapist will also never tell her that you called.

I realize that you may feel guilty for tricking your friend into giving you the name of her therapist, but this is a life or death situation.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Seira]

St. Michael the Archangel, please pray for her.
St. Raphael the Archangel, please pray for her.
St. Catherine of Siena, please pray for her.
St. Dymphna, please pray for her.
St. Philomena, please pray for her.

 

[Bill_7154]

and who still struggles with depression I have great sympathy for your friend, and I applaud you for being there for her.

I also struggle with depression and used to struggle a great deal when I was in my late teens and early 20’s with PTSD caused from childhood abuse and neglect. And I trusted NO ONE and would not and did not tell a single soul about my suffering and my situation. It took me time and a lot of learning before I became willing to even share simple things about myself with people (things that other people share about their lives and don’t consider them private at all).

You can be a good friend to her by listening to her on the phone and providing her with empathy, validating her feelings.

You can pray for her obviously as well.

You can also encourage her to tell her therapist but she will only do so when she is ready. When I was 19 I felt very strongly that I needed a psychiatrist because of some of the thoughts I was having but since I trusted no one and believed that if I told a psychiatrist the things going on in my head I would be put in a straight jacket and locked in a rubber room (this was in the mid80’s and I knew nothing about psychiatric treatment) I choose to keep silent and turned to psychology books to try and figure out my family and the way they impacted me. Eventually I accepted that since I was impacted, the problems were IN ME now and I had to be the one to work to try and get them out (prior to that I just hated my parents and the world). I started getting better once I made that change.

I think it’s great your a friend willing to listen to your friend and it’s great she is willing to share what is going on with you and has taken advice from you in the past. This shows she has trust in you. There is no magic pill that will make her decide to fully involve herself in treatment. Change is a process. You can support her by listening to her, showing her empathy, and offering advice. If she starts to get angry at your advice I would re-evaluate as you may be pushing too hard too soon (as far as SHE is concerned) and could potentially jeapordize the relationship you have with her. But you can plant seeds of recovery so to speak while talking/listening to her.

God Bless,
Bill