Not-yet-married couple with kids converting to Catholicism: First Mass

[TabbyLilac]

Hi there,

My fiance and I have a 2-year old and a 5-month old. We were both raised in atheist families but decided to be baptized as Christians together along with our oldest child when she was a newborn. We were baptized Methodist which we chose really just because my grandparents were Methodist. After MUCH prayer, discussion, and research, we have decided to convert to Catholicism as a family.

We would like to attend our first Mass together this coming Sunday morning. My question is this… since we are unmarried with children and also not Catholic yet, will we be welcome in Mass??

I do realize that we may not take Communion. And we do plan to be married in the Catholic Church once we are fully within the Church. But as of right now we are only engaged and we do have children together. I am concerned that we will be asked to leave… or something similarly awful. I love the Catholic faith and believe fully in all of the Church’s teachings, including those of premarital sex (obviously this didn’t use to be something I was worried about, but I am now that I’ve learned about Catholicism and its doctrines). We have agreed to live as brother and sister (an idea I found on this website actually!) until then, and we both work and our children are very young, so living separately is not an option. We need each other to make this family and household work. But no one will know that except us, and God.

Ideas, (name removed by moderator)ut, advice??

Thank you!

 

[1ke]

We would like to attend our first Mass together this coming Sunday morning. My question is this… since we are unmarried with children and also not Catholic yet, will we be welcome in Mass??

Well I certainly hope so.

All people are welcome at mass. And if anyone is less than charitable, that is wrong of them. There are all sorts of people at mass-- married, divorced, single. I can’t imagine that anyone would actually be rude to you. It is likely they wouldn’t even know whether you are married or not just by looking at you! Also, you won’t be wearing signs on your backs that say “we are an unmarried couple with children”.

I am concerned that we will be asked to leave… or something similarly awful.

Oh gosh no!

Just go in, sit in your pew, and worship. NO ONE is going to ask you to leave!!!

our children are very young, so living separately is not an option. We need each other to make this family and household work. But no one will know that except us, and God.

And it’s no one’s business either. So don’t worry about it. The Church doesn’t ask people in your situation to separate due to an irregular situation. I would encourage you to talk to the pastor in private to give him the full picture of your situation.

Ideas, (name removed by moderator)ut, advice??

If it’s a small parish people might stare because you are new people! We had three young men (20s) come to mass last weekend-- those are the first “new” people we’ve had in a year so obviously people were curious. But, curious was all.

When it’s a big parish, no one will know that you are new let alone anything else about you. There is a lot of anonymity in a big parish.

 

[TabbyLilac]

Oh THANK YOU 1ke!!! I am so relieved to hear you say that! I have been looking forward to going so much, as has my fiance, so I can’t tell you how glad I am to know that we can. I can’t remember looking forward to something this much, maybe ever… we really feel as though we are following God’s call and starting a whole new life as Catholics.

A little side story about us and this decision… after a long time of feeling that the Catholic Church was where I belonged I finally felt a strong call to stop thinking about it and make it happen! But I decided I needed to learn everything I could about it just to make sure I wasn’t misunderstanding the calling I felt I was receiving. Reading and learning about Catholicism only deepened my love and passion and conviction that it was where I belonged, so I finally got all my courage together to approach my fiance about it. With such young children, quiet time alone to talk is rare, so I had to wait until my recent birthday when my parents babysat and we went out to dinner. He knew I had had something important to tell him for awhile, and when I finally came out with it at dinner he said “You aren’t going to believe this, but I’VE been thinking the exact same thing and was going to talk to YOU about it!”. He had been secretly considering Catholicism as well at the same time I was, which is very unexpected as we have few Christian family members, and no Catholic ones at all. I thank God many times a day for the gift of His Church and opening our eyes and our hearts to it at the same time!

Anyway, we can’t wait for Sunday, and I thank you for your reply.

 

[jmjZelie]

Wow!

This is such a lovely story of personal conversion.

My husband and I converted at the same time, and had to get properly married in the Church, too. Our situation was complicated, because it turned out I had been baptized as a baby into the Catholic Church but my parents did not raise me Catholic. So, since we were converting to the Faith, and I was already a baptized Catholic, our marriage by a justice of the peace was not valid. So our situation was much the same externally as yours.

We had a wonderful experience working with our priest and RCIA team to come into the Church, along with our then 4yo and 2yo children. We have been Catholic for 6 years now and have had 3 more children.

I hope you have a wonderful experience at your first Mass. Like you, I investigated the teachings and culture of the Catholic Church before we went to our first Mass. I had already discerned that I was experiencing a call to the Catholic Faith, so a lot was riding on those first few Masses.

It didn’t take long for us to realize that we were home. Luckily for us, our first parish was the right fit for us for all of our needs. I still miss that parish and all its good people. But we had to move across the country and had to find a new parish. But God has led us once again straight to the one that was right for us.

God bless you and your family!!! Oh, and feel free to PM me if you want!

 

[frizzgrig]

Since no one else has said it yet - Welcome Home!

May God continue to bless you as you seek to know and love Him.

 

[phil19034]

Welcome and God Bless!

As 1ke has mentioned, no one will ask you to leave.

The Catholic Church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum of Saints.

If you haven’t yet, talk to the priest about your path to becoming fully initiated members of the Church. I’m not sure which Father would prefer you to do first (after your first Sacarment of Reconciliation - aka Confession), the Sacarment of Matrimony or the Sacarment of Confirmation? Your First Communion will most likely take place on the same day as your Confirmation, but depending on a number of factors, it might be best to receive Matrimony first.

However, I wonder if it’s possible for you to receive Confirmation & Matrimony on the same day? If so, that would be very special

 

[Aggie414]

Welcome!

No one’s even going to know that you’re not yet married – unless you go to the altar and announce it before Mass

I would say relax and enjoy! I would maybe read up a little on the order of the Mass – if this is your first time attending a Mass. The complete order of the mass is in the misselets, but some churches don’t have them in the pews. So unless you know for sure the church you’re attending does, I would look at one ahead of time. I think there’s an app for that.

This is a great resource for all of your questions. There are some very knowledgeable people on this forum!!!

 

[Lily_Bernans]

You certainly won’t be asked to leave, nor should you be asked. You will almost certainly be welcomed. As someone has said, if the church is big, no one will say anything.

I hope you do realize that once you and your fiance begin RCIA to convert to Catholicism and begin preparation in the church for your wedding, you will have to maintain a non-sexual relationship until you are validly married in the church.

You should inform the RCIA director of your family situation as soon as you being classes. You will still be welcome, but he or she needs to know that your living situation is a bit non-traditional so he or she can best advise you.

And, when you make your first confession, you will have to be sincerely sorry for fornication, even though it produced two beautiful and loved children. Don’t worry about it; priests and deacons and RCIA directors understand. They will accept you. You will just have to be chaste for a time.

 

[TabbyLilac]

Yes we realize that (living chastely until marriage and confessing) is part of our conversion, and as such we are feeling very positive about all of it.

 

[suezette]

welcome, welcome, welcome.