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Flavius_Aetius
Guest
Hello forum, it’s Flavius_Aetius dumping more of my pathetic life upon strangers…
My head is split with a headache so I probably can’t describe everything I’ve felt with detail but here we go! I suppose the first sign of the inevitable breakdown that I experienced was at my father’s house, sitting alone in my room I thought about those around me who loved their sin and flaunted it proudly, and even the reluctant sinners who later on come back and beg for forgiveness from God. That was when my teeth clenched, I thought “Why does God love humans? We come always begging for forgiveness with only him knowing if we mean it or not. Not only that but why does he forgive us without so much as a grudge but instead with open arms like a prodical child; he accepts people who killed in desperation and years later wish to have his forgiveness.”
I hate with a total blackness the humanity that I must bear to view around me, piety is the minority and that seems to be always true. I look toward my family; both parents divorced and neither planning to recieve an annulment…A two year old half-sister who I know will never get a good Catholic education; to be surrounded by my step-family who all act like leeches who have their own reasons to despise the Church but refuse to leave and shut the door behind them! When I gave any consern for my soul I was the only thing bringing myself to mass; and I’d attend the mass with only my younger brother due to my mother constantly being busy and step-father not having a single good thing to say about the Catholic faith.
Moving on to Today, I get a late start on my homework listening to Matt Maher because I find his voice moving. Soon my mind comes to terms at what an endless ring my life is! Constantly the same things happen in perhaps a different way, I see the same people doing the same thing in the same D*mn place. The same obvious sin and expressions of ‘freedom’ that I know will drive Absolute Moralities like the Catholic faith into obsurity among the majority. To make this trench of Deja Vu worse is that now I’m failing in this life rutt; the only thing I have to do and I’m miserably failing it!
My life started to seem like nothing changed, life seems to be repeating and it makes me feel like it’s pointless…not only that but then i ask why follow this trench of deja vu when I don’t even like this world! My own soul seems pointless to, I’d much rather have a vengeful god dealing with sinners, myself included instead of this loving God I have that simply watches most of his creations worship different false gods, the other part not believe in God at all, and the Catholic part have more corrupt and misguided believers than true ones.
Despite all these claims I don’t intend on doing anything…I suppose I love myself enough to hate the world more; and self-flaggelation is no longer an option I take since it’s obvious God does not view whiping with a belt with joy. So here I stand, surrounded by a decaying world with rotten morality and continue to serve the educational system of the United States which I’ll have to do for another seven or eight years if I wish to do anything of Earthly importance in my life…that is if my lethargic feeling and low spirit don’t leave me with a scoring that is so pathetic that no University will accept me.
Well at the moment my headache is still going strong. One of the stranger feeings though is that after the bout I feel like my mind represses these wrathful feelings about the world, though I know their there just waiting for a dozen or so examples of the filth around me to show up again.
My head is split with a headache so I probably can’t describe everything I’ve felt with detail but here we go! I suppose the first sign of the inevitable breakdown that I experienced was at my father’s house, sitting alone in my room I thought about those around me who loved their sin and flaunted it proudly, and even the reluctant sinners who later on come back and beg for forgiveness from God. That was when my teeth clenched, I thought “Why does God love humans? We come always begging for forgiveness with only him knowing if we mean it or not. Not only that but why does he forgive us without so much as a grudge but instead with open arms like a prodical child; he accepts people who killed in desperation and years later wish to have his forgiveness.”
I hate with a total blackness the humanity that I must bear to view around me, piety is the minority and that seems to be always true. I look toward my family; both parents divorced and neither planning to recieve an annulment…A two year old half-sister who I know will never get a good Catholic education; to be surrounded by my step-family who all act like leeches who have their own reasons to despise the Church but refuse to leave and shut the door behind them! When I gave any consern for my soul I was the only thing bringing myself to mass; and I’d attend the mass with only my younger brother due to my mother constantly being busy and step-father not having a single good thing to say about the Catholic faith.
Moving on to Today, I get a late start on my homework listening to Matt Maher because I find his voice moving. Soon my mind comes to terms at what an endless ring my life is! Constantly the same things happen in perhaps a different way, I see the same people doing the same thing in the same D*mn place. The same obvious sin and expressions of ‘freedom’ that I know will drive Absolute Moralities like the Catholic faith into obsurity among the majority. To make this trench of Deja Vu worse is that now I’m failing in this life rutt; the only thing I have to do and I’m miserably failing it!
My life started to seem like nothing changed, life seems to be repeating and it makes me feel like it’s pointless…not only that but then i ask why follow this trench of deja vu when I don’t even like this world! My own soul seems pointless to, I’d much rather have a vengeful god dealing with sinners, myself included instead of this loving God I have that simply watches most of his creations worship different false gods, the other part not believe in God at all, and the Catholic part have more corrupt and misguided believers than true ones.
Despite all these claims I don’t intend on doing anything…I suppose I love myself enough to hate the world more; and self-flaggelation is no longer an option I take since it’s obvious God does not view whiping with a belt with joy. So here I stand, surrounded by a decaying world with rotten morality and continue to serve the educational system of the United States which I’ll have to do for another seven or eight years if I wish to do anything of Earthly importance in my life…that is if my lethargic feeling and low spirit don’t leave me with a scoring that is so pathetic that no University will accept me.
Well at the moment my headache is still going strong. One of the stranger feeings though is that after the bout I feel like my mind represses these wrathful feelings about the world, though I know their there just waiting for a dozen or so examples of the filth around me to show up again.
