Novenas

[goodeman]

What is everyones thoughts on novenas to get into a relationship with a particular person or that a particular person may break up with somebody else, etc? My thought is it is difficult to see that such as thing is bad because it is important to keep in mind that a person doing such a thing is turning to God with their request and it is through consistant prayer, but at the same time I have read on another Catholic site that novenas for such intentions are not really recommended. I guess it is because the person doing the novena is praying for something so specific, but I am reminded of St. Rita of Cascia who prayed that her sons would die before being able to avenge their father’s death rather than praying that the hardness of their hearts would be broken. In other words, there were many alternatives to her children dying so as to avoid commiting any revengefull sin, but her request was rather specific. Is such a thought coherent with a person who prays specificaly that God may grant them the grace to date a particular person rather than that they may find someone else or that they may not be attracted to that person anymore, etc or not?

Cheers

 

[Servulus]

I often pray for very specific things (many of which might seem odd to others, if they knew), but I try to conclude each prayer with “. . .yet not my will, but Thine be done.”

Hope that helps.

 

[LilyM]

The particular intentions seem to be a little odd. God has a specific partner (or a definite life of celibacy) planned for each of us - and those plans may not include you dating the particular person you’re praying about.

In any event I wouldn’t pray for anything as awful as a relationship break up Pray rather that God will either lead you to the right life partner for you or grant you the grace to be happy as a single if that is his will for you.

 

[Jeanette_L]

I believe we are supposed to take everything to God in prayer. That doesn’t mean that the answer to that prayer is going to be “yes”. Or that it will happen when and where and how we want. But the important thing is to be open with God about our perceived needs and desires and give them over to Him for His will to be worked out in our lives.

I suppose an individual praying with specific intentions of this nature may or may not understand these things, depending upon their spiritual maturity, but everyone needs to start down that road and begin to learn these lessons.

And I suppose that includes Novenas.

 

[goodeman]

The particular intentions seem to be a little odd. God has a specific partner (or a definite life of celibacy) planned for each of us - and those plans may not include you dating the particular person you’re praying about.

In any event I wouldn’t pray for anything as awful as a relationship break up Pray rather that God will either lead you to the right life partner for you or grant you the grace to be happy as a single if that is his will for you.

LilyM…thanks for the reply but I guess this is directly what I was referring to. You make the comment something as awful as a relationship break up and my train of thought leads me to ask this - How bad is a breakup compared to the death of two sons? Yet that is exactly what happened in St. Rita’s case! Additionally, why is praying for a breakup a bad thing, especially if the relationship that the person is in is not a fruitful one anyway?

JeanetteL - I’m with you when you say that just because we are doing the novena doesn’t mean that God will necessarily say yes to our request, but I suppose my inquiry is more into the nature of whether such a thing is really good or not to pray for? I mean is it better to say, God I am leaving myself completely open to you and whatever you throw my way I accept or is it better to say, God this is really really what I want, I understand if it is not your will I should have it and I trust you more than myself, but let it be know that I am doing my very best to achieve this. After all it was Moses who prayed to God to sway his wrath. I mean I think this might be similar to what a person who is called to the priesthood might think. I mean people who are called to be priests also WANT to be priests. A calling that is fulfilled is fulfilled also because it is something that the person wants for themselves. And is this what a person who prays a novena that they may enter into a relationship with another person/ or that a person may breakup with another so that they may enter into a relationship with them is doing? Praying for something that they want but also may feel is their calling?

 

[Jeanette_L]

JeanetteL - I’m with you when you say that just because we are doing the novena doesn’t mean that God will necessarily say yes to our request, but I suppose my inquiry is more into the nature of whether such a thing is really good or not to pray for? I mean is it better to say, God I am leaving myself completely open to you and whatever you throw my way I accept or is it better to say, God this is really really what I want, I understand if it is not your will I should have it and I trust you more than myself, but let it be know that I am doing my very best to achieve this. After all it was Moses who prayed to God to sway his wrath. I mean I think this might be similar to what a person who is called to the priesthood might think. I mean people who are called to be priests also WANT to be priests. A calling that is fulfilled is fulfilled also because it is something that the person wants for themselves. And is this what a person who prays a novena that they may enter into a relationship with another person/ or that a person may breakup with another so that they may enter into a relationship with them is doing? Praying for something that they want but also may feel is their calling?

I think the point is this. A person is only going to be able to pray according to their level of maturity and/or how their depth of relationship with God allows. What I mean is this: a child will pray as a child prays, an adolescent as they do, an adult as they do. I don’t think God would not listen to a prayer because of it’s level of depth or insight or maturity. He will use the way in which He answers these prayers to draw that person into a deeper level of relationship and trust and holiness as that person progresses on his/her journey, and will always work out His will in the situation if the person allows.

So, let’s say, if a person is consummed at a time in their life with a particular relationship, the good thing is that they are taking this to God in their prayers, it doesn’t necessarily matter in what way they are praying for God to help them, He will deal with them according to their level of understanding.

And if a person is at a point in their relationship with God that he can say, “whatever your will”, even if he is passionate about the nature of the request, all the more the better in that he can more readily accept God’s answer with peace. Even Christ in the Garden was passionate about his petitions, to the point of sweating blood, but he submitted to the will of the Father. This is our goal, not very often where we currently are.

Does this make sense?

 

[LilyM]

St Rita may have prayed for her sons to die - firstly her prayer WASN’T granted, instead they made peace with the killers of their father, at least according to this site. Secondly even the best of saints don’t get everything 100% right. Rita obviously was wrong to pray as she did, hence her prayer not being granted in the way she wished.

 

[LilyM]

St Rita didn’t specifically pray for her sons to die - and can you imagine any mother worth the name praying for such a thing! She prayed simply that they wouldn’t take revenge on their father’s killers and left the method up to God.

Likewise we should only ever pray for the good of others. You don’t know, for example, if it is God’s will for someone else who is in a bad relationship to tough it out and mend the relationship or not. Therefore you shouldn’t be praying for a breakup, but simply for their happiness.