"Now it's EX-'gays' getting pummeled"

[deb1]

This is a good thread. Think of all the young people who struggle with SSA but wish to follow their faith. How difficult it must be for them.

 

[Kolbe300]

Personally, I think Courage is a good group. I know it has helped and is helping many people. It’s too bad that the group itself isn’t more widespread. I’ve had some wonderful spiritual directors, none of which knew anything about Courage.

As for the ex-gay ministries, I tend to steer well clear. I have no doubt that the ministries have helped some people but they have been shown on many occasions to do some serious damage. It’s also interesting to see that most of them make it clear that their mission is to help people leave the gay “lifestyle”. Rarely do they speak of actually making someone’s orientation change. Every interview I have ever seen with ex-gay ministry leaders, if asked if they still have homosexual desires, they have said yes. (It is actually uncomfortable to watch how uncomfortable they are with the question.) In my opinion, there is a huge difference between ex-gay and ex-gay-lifestyle.

I can’t help but wonder how many ex-gays are currently married to someone they are not physically attracted to. In my opinion, that would be more of a tragedy than a healing. I say that because it would be an awful situation for them and even more so for their wife/husband. Like I said, I’m sure the groups are helpful to some people. How helpful can only be known by the person who says they are ex-gay.

Peace!

 

[Kolbe300]

Think of all the young people who struggle with SSA but wish to follow their faith. How difficult it must be for them.

Amen, Amen, Amen! There are so many young people living an absolute nightmare right now because of this issue. There are so few places for them to go for help and understanding, there are so few role-models for them. Unfortunately, there are an abundance of reasons why they may be hating themselves. And may God forgive the parents out there that are unknowingly destroying their children through the very words they speak. These kids and their families are in such need of prayers.

Peace!

 

[Fitswimmer]

Amen, Amen, Amen! There are so many young people living an absolute nightmare right now because of this issue. There are so few places for them to go for help and understanding, there are so few role-models for them. Unfortunately, there are an abundance of reasons why they may be hating themselves. And may God forgive the parents out there that are unknowingly destroying their children through the very words they speak. These kids and their families are in such need of prayers.

Peace!

True. It’s better now than it was 30 years ago, but it’s still no picnic being gay and a teenager. Think about how being a teenager felt-all you wanted was to be like everyone else and while everyone else was starting to notice the opposite sex-you’re only noticing your own. Then, to hear things from well meaning folks about how they need to be cured, how they are disordered or mentally ill just makes it even harder. I was lucky-I had good Priests and a good family to help me understand the difference between the act and my identity. There are still far too many in today’s society that are either unwilling or unable to make that differentiation and it is the young people that suffer. I’ve heard horror stories from gay friends about things that were said in their churches by clergy and parishioners. I know more than one person who was banned from their family.

I don’t have kids, but I can’t imagine banishing your child and I can’t imagine going to a Church that preaches from the pulpit that people like me are “of Satan” no matter how we live our lives.

I pray for these kids and their families every day.

 

[manualman]

I always like analogies and have been looking for one for quite a while to help other escape the false dilemma of “Gay pride vs. Gay Basher.”

It seems to me that SSA is very similar to alcoholism (though certainly not in the way it comes to be in the first place). The alcoholic who recognizes that his behavior is self-destrictive needs help, not condemnation. He CAN have hope of gaining control over his impulses, but he may never be free of having those impulses.

Our society has come a long way in welcoming and supporting ‘recovering alcoholics.’ Why can’t we get to a point where we are similarly supportive of those who need to fight a long fight against their SSA?

 

[Fitswimmer]

I always like analogies and have been looking for one for quite a while to help other escape the false dilemma of “Gay pride vs. Gay Basher.”

It seems to me that SSA is very similar to alcoholism (though certainly not in the way it comes to be in the first place). The alcoholic who recognizes that his behavior is self-destrictive needs help, not condemnation. He CAN have hope of gaining control over his impulses, but he may never be free of having those impulses.

Our society has come a long way in welcoming and supporting ‘recovering alcoholics.’ Why can’t we get to a point where we are similarly supportive of those who need to fight a long fight against their SSA?

Probably because of the lack of definitive proof that it is genetic. If there comes a day when science can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that we are born with our sexual orientation, there will always be some that want gays to “just change” and think that they are sinning because they can’t.

One of my dearest friends is an alcoholic, very good Catholic-he’s been sober for 20 years but he still calls himself an alcoholic. The orientation to become addicted to alcohol is always with him, he chooses whether to act on it. He believes he was born an alcoholic, that it was part of his genetic makeup. Interestingly, he is the only alcoholic out of 4 children in his family.

Whether I choose to act on my homosexuality or not doesn’t change the fact that I am indeed homosexual. I also feel strongly that this inclination was something I was born with, so in that sense it is similar to his struggle.

 

[IMAbeliever]

Thanks Courage Married for sharing your story. It will help many others here who face similar struggles.

Several posters have noted that attending a Courage group is not feasible. What advice do you have to “keep on track” without the support group?

This forum is valuable in today’s society where homosexuality is moving from tolerence to celebration.

 

[Courage_Married]

Several posters have noted that attending a Courage group is not feasible. What advice do you have to “keep on track” without the support group?

Sorry I haven’t been on a lot over the last few days. The best way for those that are totally unable to attend a face-to-face group is to join the Courage listserv. Information can be found on the couragerc.org page. It is a poor subsitute for the face-to-face group but it is something.

If someone can’t attend Courage meetings and has a sexual addiction then I highly suggest Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). Several people have been helped by them.

 

[truagape]

Amen, Amen, Amen! There are so many young people living an absolute nightmare right now because of this issue. There are so few places for them to go for help and understanding, there are so few role-models for them. Unfortunately, there are an abundance of reasons why they may be hating themselves. And may God forgive the parents out there that are unknowingly destroying their children through the very words they speak. These kids and their families are in such need of prayers.

Peace!

I couldn’t agree more!

 

[truagape]

I always like analogies and have been looking for one for quite a while to help other escape the false dilemma of “Gay pride vs. Gay Basher.”

It seems to me that SSA is very similar to alcoholism (though certainly not in the way it comes to be in the first place). The alcoholic who recognizes that his behavior is self-destrictive needs help, not condemnation. He CAN have hope of gaining control over his impulses, but he may never be free of having those impulses.

Our society has come a long way in welcoming and supporting ‘recovering alcoholics.’ Why can’t we get to a point where we are similarly supportive of those who need to fight a long fight against their SSA?

SSA and alcoholicism? Synonymous? Attacking one of the these two also attacks one’s ability to love and be loved. Also, one of these dosent rely on “impulses”. When was the last time you referred to your love for your spouse as merely an impulse?
How dare you trivialize all of the physical and emotional elements that account for one human being wholeheartly in love with their soulmate! Your analogy insults me and disgusts me to the fulllest!