Now that I'm Catholic, should I be married?

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OraProNobis

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I am a brand new convert to the Catholic Church. I’m in my late 40s and have never been married. I led a very sinful and selfish life prior to becoming Catholic which is one of the reasons why I have never been married. Currently, I have no prospects for marriage which means I’m not dating. I really have no interest in dating anyone or actively pursing marriage. If someone happened to come my way I wouldn’t mind being married, but they would probably have to fall out of the sky into my lap for me to even take notice. The prospect of remaining a celibate bachelor the rest of my life doesn’t bother me, but I do feel rather odd that I’m the only Catholic male of my age that is not married and has never been married. Now that I’m Catholic, I sometimes wonder, should I be actively seeking a wife?
 
I understand the feeling, as I’m an “older” (mid-50’s) never-married Catholic women (with no prospects for marriage).

I would pray to God to know His will in this matter. Although people like us (never-married mature lay people) are very rare in the Catholic Church, or anywhere in society, not everyone is called to be married.

It can be a hard row to hoe, especially if your parish is virulently “family-oriented” (meaning “singles not welcome”), like my former parish. We also have to deal with misconceptions people have about singles (such as “single people aren’t married because they are selfish”), but please don’t let that force you into seeking a relationship just for the sake of having one, without trying to discern God’s will about it first.

We all have a place in God’s plan – married, single, clergy, religious. 🙂 Let us pray for each other in our discernment!
 
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OraProNobis:
I am a brand new convert to the Catholic Church. I’m in my late 40s and have never been married. I led a very sinful and selfish life prior to becoming Catholic which is one of the reasons why I have never been married. Currently, I have no prospects for marriage which means I’m not dating. I really have no interest in dating anyone or actively pursing marriage. If someone happened to come my way I wouldn’t mind being married, but they would probably have to fall out of the sky into my lap for me to even take notice. The prospect of remaining a celibate bachelor the rest of my life doesn’t bother me, but I do feel rather odd that I’m the only Catholic male of my age that is not married and has never been married. Now that I’m Catholic, I sometimes wonder, should I be actively seeking a wife?
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search for your answer in prayer!
 
I certainly understand the question here.

I am in my thirties and have often wondered what my vocation is to be. All of my dear friends are married, and I often wonder if that is to be my vocation or not.

I have taken comfort in knowing that the single life is just as important a vocation as the others. Sometimes more important, as we often have more time to offer the parish through volunteer activities and other activities beneficial to the parish. I know in our area one of the best youth directors was an older single man. He was able to do all sorts of activities with the young people as he wasn’t attached to a family or pastoral duties.

I guess I have the same ideas about marriage the OP has. If it should happen that I find someone, marriage would be fine. I do not actively seek a spouse though.

I have found it quite hard to be a single Catholic in my current parish. There is a preponderance of married couples in all the committees, and they often ask for “couple” volunteers. I’m sure this is very beneficial for encouraging happy marriages, but it does no service to us single folks.

My parish also has a number of senior citizens who run the study programs and adult education meetings, and I just don’t find much in common with these ladies. I always feel like an outsider.

Too young, too single :cool:
 
Try being a never married late-40’s female who is still as pure as the driven snow! Most Catholic women I know are married, were married or didn’t follow the Church’s teaching regarding sex outside marriage…talk about not being part of the club when they are discussing men and telling me I don’t know how it is with men since I haven’t been involved with one!

I think you should pray about it because singleness is a vocation and if God wants you there and you feel comfortable there then so be it. I always felt I had a vocation to be married and prepared for it but, surprise, things didn’t work out that way. I still don’t know if I did something wrong (like not being more pro-active in meeting men) or if God wanted me to stay this way to help out with my aging parents and stressed out brother and sisters. So I can’t say that you will get an answer if you pray, because I never did, but you may get some confirmation if that’s what God wants to give you. If He doesn’t confirm it in a way that you can understand clearly, He may just want to keep you on your toes and leave you guessing! Anyway, I’ve found that there’s no shame in it…it is sort of a gift.
 
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OraProNobis:
they would probably have to fall out of the sky into my lap for me to even take notice.
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That just may happen, it is what happened to me! 🙂
 
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martino:
That just may happen, it is what happened to me! 🙂
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Same here, my husband fell out of the sky when I was a 43-year-old catechumen… :love:

But I have similar feelings about being childless. It’s all due to my rotten pre-conversion life, and boy do I regret that now. But I have to go on, and it is a little awkward when the ladies start asking about my kids.

Before, I used to be all defensive about being childless, but now I just try to turn it around to talking about their kids instead. I really do admire the women I know who married, raised families and then went to work as teachers, nurses or what have you when the kids were older.

Guess all people like us can do is volunteer a lot & try to stay busy. There really is a vocation to stay single, as long as you’re chaste, and it’s an honorable vocation. If more people understood that I think the world would be a better place. Instead, most of us raced to the bottom because we thought we were missing out on something and didn’t want to be fools.
 
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snowgarden:
Anyway, I’ve found that there’s no shame in it…it is sort of a gift.
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There’s definitely no shame in being single! We may not be “average”, but we’re not freaks! It is possible to find a place within the Church – if not in one parish, then in another. I sing in the choir, where there are all kinds and ages of people, and nobody cares if you’re not part of a couple. My Secular Franciscan Fraternity is also very welcoming, no matter what your state in life.

On the other hand, I avoid like the plague “Women’s” anything (retreats, prayer groups, etc.) because the theme eventually gets around to (and stays on) the “our roles as wives and mothers” thing, which is totally irrelevant to my life.

I never felt particularly called to the single life, but it appears to be what God has chosen for me, so I try to make the best of it, while continuing to be open to other possibilities. I think it’s perfectly OK not to get into that desparate-dating scene. God is all-powerful, and if He wants you to be married, he will make the lucky person known to you – just help Him out a bit by not being too much of a hermit!

Just one more thing, it’s another misconception about single people that they all have loads of free time – some do, and some don’t. Just a small example from my own life – when all the married people leave at 5:30 PM to pick up their children at day care, guess who gets to stay late to deal with the emergency requests from clients calling at 7:00 PM (4:00 their time, on the west coast)? That’s right, the unmarried folks! So your “involvement” at times may be just be prayers tucked in wherever you can fit them – just do your best, and keep asking God to make His will known to you!
 
I’m in my mid 30s, and was in a relationship for 15 years. Its been ended for awhile now, and I dont let my faith get in the way of me thinking that somehow maybe I should be married. Even if I am single the rest of my life, I dont care. I guess my outlook is easier for someone who has had the sinful pleasure. For me it would be harder if I never had sex or a relationship…I would constantly be bothered by thinking I was missing something. It just doesnt bug me. I dont miss the give and take and compromise of a relationship, I dont miss the good times and I also dont miss the bad times; and I have no desire for children. I’m a confirmed single guy and love it. 🙂

Now let a good looking woman with a fat bank account come my way, and I may change my mind. 😃
 
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CarolAnnSFO:
There’s definitely no shame in being single! We may not be “average”, but we’re not freaks!
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I guess in the back of my mind, I was thinking that my sister’s mother-in-law actually said to her daughter that maybe I was gay! I’ve heard of this being said of older, single men, but what happened to the dignity of being a quiet shy spinster who doesn’t leave the family fold! Come to think of it the only time this lady was interested in my love life is when in my late 30’s I was smitten with a guy I worked with and we actually after three years of awkward attempts to connect went to lunch (for me it meant potential relationship finally; for him, it was to discuss his job situation:( and he quit a few weeks later!) Anyway, in the mother-in-law’s eyes, I was finally somebody and once she heard it came to nothing she thought I was hopeless. I don’t care about that type of person…but the nerve! That’s how rumors get started…hum, maybe that’s why God kept me single, to teach her grandchildren, my nephews, not to judge people based on what country club they belong to since that’s so important to her and her side of their family. (The little guys do ask me why I’m not married sometimes and I tell them so I can help take care of them because I love them more than anything!)
 
I just got married in October 2004 at the ripe old age of 38. This is the first marriage for both me and my husband.

I spent so many years “single”, that I really thought God had no one out there for me. Then, when I least expected it, God brought my wonderful husband into my life.

It is hard being single and having people “judge” you all of the time. People treat “single” people like they are cursed. It is like everyone is thinking " What is wrong with them that no one has wanted to marry them?" What they don’t realize is that maybe nothing is wrong with them. Maybe they aren’t ready to “settle” for just anyone so they can be married. I waited a lifetime to find a guy who met all of my requirements, and I am so happy that God blessed me with this wonderful gift.

Best of luck to all of you other single people out there!

Karen
 
It’s so funny to hear a 38-year old say that she waited a lifetime to find her husband. I’m 49!!! Can you believe it? My story is that I became pregnant at 34, and now have a 14 year old. The father wanted me to have an abortion, and I wouldn’t. He’s never been involved and has never wanted to see her. I’ve carried this cross for her, and now that she’s growing into a young lady, I can see how she may beginning to carry it for herself. I’ve tried so hard to meet guys in the faith. As I’ve matured, I’ve even grown stronger in my faith. I’ve met guys running the full gamut of not practicing their faith to going to Calvary or the hottest non-denominational to practicing and making up their own Catholicism. As a committed and faithful Catholic, I must be open to life. I can’t practice contraception. I look in my early 40’s and would love to meet a man in his mid to late 40’s who would be open to me. I have met some solid guys, but they have annullment issues. It’s been one disappointment after another. My heart so desires to meet a man who can be a father image, too late to be a father, who is a solid Catholic who I want to kiss and he wants to kiss me and who wants to wait for physical expression and make our marriage holy,holy, holy. I feel like it’s a dream.

Hoping for Hope…
 
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