I love my husband very dearly and believe that God has sent me many of my life experiences so that I would be a better wife and mother than I otherwise would have been. However, before marriage I also felt very strongly called to the religious life, especially the Carmelite way. Before I met my husband, I’d been quite sure I was called to the religious life, and that sureness was only shaken by my attraction to him in particular. Other would-be suitors just didn’t cut it!
After I met and got to know my future husband, it began to feel more like a toss up, really, between a religious vocation and a vocation to be a wife and mother. I kept praying for God to give me a sign and nuns kept appearing in my life all over the place… but one day I felt like the Holy Spirit gave me a great peace inside and told me it was up to me, and being a wife would also be a beautiful way to serve the Lord.
So, it’s a difficult question… in the end it felt like God was putting the choice completely in my hands, not making His preference for me entirely obvious. If I had become a nun, I know I would be very happy to spend my life perfecting my soul and praying for mercy from within the cloister. I think that is a very important job, and that we lay people should be very grateful to those souls who dedicate their lives to our service in prayer.
But I am pregnant and I love this little life growing inside of me so much, I couldn’t wish away his existence by thinking I’d chose not to create him if I could do my life over. I would still marry my husband.
