Number of Kids?

[Susanm]

HI
My Husband and I have six children (same husband with all kids)
we are in our early 40s - latest child is 7 month old. At Sunday Mass it is easy to note that we are not the average Catholic family, most it appears have one or two children. I had a conversation with a lady after Mass that suggested that most Catholics think contraception
is widely accepted and more of a personal choice. I wanted to smack her! How could this be a current mind set among Cathoics??

 

[Dr.Colossus]

How could this be a current mind set among Cathoics??

Unfortunately, from my experience it is a current mindset. The reason it got this way is because of how few priests are actually willing to condem contraception from the pulpit. However, remember that NFP is approved by the Church as a legitimate means of spacing children, so for a couple to have only one or two does not automatically place them at odds with the Church.

 

[Trinitatem]

I think there is much “salad-bar” Catholicism in the Church. I have been shocked to find beliefs even in my own family that feel birth control is fine. (Same with sterilization). I suddenly found myself in heated debates with family members, arguing on why NFP and not “birth control.” (They didn’t know WHY the church is against it, they just didn’t agree with the church’s teacings on it.)

What I ended up with, dazed and confused, was that they didn’t really believe in the Catechism of the Church. (The “rules” and such - “It doesn’t say anything in the bible about birth control…”) Same thing for confession. I found myself defending the faith with renewed vigor, but also driving a wedge between myself and family members. A priest gave me advice:

" the struggle in the Church has been and always will be part of the life of the Church. The basic reason for that is that we are all sinful to some degree, reacting with pride, selfishness, anger and all the other capital sins. It is also often the history of individuals that they wander from total commitment to Church teachings to being selective or “salad barring” so to speak. It has been said that “Catholics don’t leave the Church; they just stray and wander. In fact it’s hard to get them OUT of the church. They don’t want to leave.” People know fornication is wrong and condemned, but it still goes on even among believing Catholics. Couples more and more live together prior to marriage. People divorce out of terrible marriage and remarry and try to raise their families in a good atmosphere. Priests are not always perfectly obedient or loyal to their vows as we witnessed in the sex abuse scandal. All of this is not new. Take any sin and you will find it “alive and well” all through the history of the Church."

“But the important thing is that God is ultimately in charge, God is compassionate and merciful and he alone knows what people are capable of in sin. For that reason, Jesus said that we should not judge. It doesn’t mean that we approve of evil or sin. Yet, at the same time, we know that if we are honest, we too can sin and we may not yet have face our “crisis” in our lives. If we are in a position to be faithful, we have to remember our fidelity is just a response to God’s grace; we never are faithful just on our own”

Turned out, it was great advice.

 

[thisnthat]

I love what you said about judging…we just cannot do it, hard as it may be. I just went to confession and, yes, being judgemental was one thing I confessed. The priest told me that, because all humans are created by God in His image, people are like God’s artwork. When we assume the position to judge people (which isn’t ours to assume in the first place) we are judging God’s work. Kind of gave me a new image to ponder when I’m feeling that old habit creeping in.

 

[Sheen]

I work in a Catholic school; almost everyone who works there is also Catholic.

What annoys me is the way children are talked about as if they were anything but a joy. After the birth of a child, for example, it is common to hear it expressed that the couple is “done!” having children. It also angers me greatly to hear people ask a newly-married Catholic couple if they “plan to have any children.” It makes me even angrier to hear them respond, “Not for awhile,” or “Maybe a couple.” The woman I work with has said on a few occasions that her daughter and her husband don’t ever want to have any children. Their dog is their child. How very, very sad.

Or – when someone brings in their baby and lets others hold it who gurgle and coo at the baby but are eager to let you know they don’t want any more children and are all to happy to give Baby back to Mom.

Do you know the type of conversation I mean?

 

[Susanm]

Yes

Have been in a few of those conversations , even lost some friends over it. guess they were not really good friends -
as far as this judging thing goes…had a lady tell me that when they go on vacation that they do not go to Sunday Mass, I told her that to miss Mass on purpose (without trying to find a Church) is a mortal sin…she quickly shot back with --thats being judgemental and not christian…so you see where this don’t be judgemental thing has gotten us -people use it against us!!!

 

[Trinitatem]

I think some people don’t understand that to have children is not just a choice, it’s a gift from God. Love is abundant with one child, and just multiplies with each additional one. Many times the largest families are the ones with the most love. I see God each time I see a new baby. How wonderful to experience the richness of this gift.

Many people see children as burdens of money, and limit them as such, but I say, God provides! Jesus said for us not to worry about these things, as the Father will provide. Many people see children as challenge and hard work, but I say, the narrow path reaps the greatest rewards!

As for people’s criticisms, well, offer this up too. St. Therese, the little flower, said it was in the small things we do that will create a path to heaven. Oh, how many times people can annoy us! For me, it is the greatest temptation to resist, a good angry debate. But blessed are those who believe and follow God.