OCD & dating discernment

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augustinegirl

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So…as the title suggests, I’m a Catholic dating with OCD - and I don’t know if I need to “re-discern” or if I’ve been discerning in a healthy way. (I would ask that if you respond to this, you have some knowledge of mental illness, particularly anxiety illnesses). I have been in a relationship for about 2.5 years with a great man. We talk openly, we pray and go to Mass together, we share the same values, etc. - but it is very hard for me to discern marriage with my OCD (hence the length of the relationship . I know people suggest for Catholics to get married sooner). Oftentimes I’ll also wonder “is this really my OCD?” and…that’s another part of OCD. Ugh.

The OCD will fade in and out. One reason for this is that I don’t know if we’ve discerned “correctly.” We both say that we’ve given it to God, but I don’t know if we really have, or that he really has. He’s always wanted to marry me, and I’m not sure. Some days that’s all I want, and other days I’m so scared and get into obsessive thoughts. I don’t necessarily need advice on the relationship, but perhaps on discernment with OCD. I have a very tight-knit, intense Lebanese family who also doesn’t help. They believe that since it’s taken me so long, it’s wrong, and since he’s had family issues, it’s wrong. My one family member criticizes him for everything, saying he’s clingy. My therapist says my OCD is real and can be hard for others to understand, but families are families. I never know who to believe, and I don’t know how to trust myself. There are legitimate concerns, but we’ve talked about them - and everyone is going to have legitimate concerns because no one is perfect. I’m conflicted - and I don’t know how to discern properly. I then become obsessed with the idea of fruits of a relationship, because I often feel anxiety and don’t know how to distinguish things in my condition. Any advice on discernment with OCD from a Catholic, informed perspective?

Oh yeah, and while you’re here, please send up a prayer for him and for me - and for anyone with OCD. It sucks.
 
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Will pray and please talk to a priest who understands your situation op,God bless.
 
@Greenfields - Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I’ll be looking for that. I’m not sure how to find a priest based on something like that because I’ve been told by a priest that it could get confusing in spiritual direction, but that would be great.
 
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@Cloisters thank you! I had heard that the “knowing” thing isn’t a proven thing. With my type of OCD it’s actually known to be a part of the problem, but still tempting to think about, I would say. Also I know the OCD would be amplified in marriage if untreated, but it’s also hard to get rid of even with the treatment I’ve been doing. Discernment becomes hard because of it. Ah well, I know that a discussion board won’t fix a mental illness haha but I appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut!
 
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From not only my own experience, but also from that of others, from a Student Manager on Duty at my alma mater’s hotel, to Geraldo Rivera and Randy Mantooth. As for the latter, his now-wife when she met Randy said to a friend, “Oh, my God! I’ve just met my husband!” Then there’s the process of getting to know each other, but they usually turn into whirlwind romances.

Think deeply about what kind of experience you want your kids to have. Do you want them fighting OCD because they picked it up from you? Do you want your husband always on your case about being OCD? Kids are supposed to be compassionate, but if we can get ourselves under control, it’s more edifying. “I used to be that way, but, by the grace of God, I don’t do that anymore.”
 
augustinegirl said:
I would ask that if you respond to this, you have some knowledge of mental illness, particularly anxiety illnesses)
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augustinegirl said:
Any advice on discernment with OCD from a Catholic, informed perspective?
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Sorry, but we’re not permitted to offer psychiatric or psychological advice here on CAF. However, here are some resources provided by Moderation that you might find useful:
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Bad luck . broken mirror Catholic Living
We are sincerely sorry to hear of your struggles. However, the CA Forums are unfortunately not set up to provide intensive spiritual counseling. Our best advice is for you to seek out a good priest on the local level who knows you or can get to know you because he’ll be treating you in the most fruitful counseling environment: a three-dimensional one. You may also wish to consider getting other support on the local level from a licensed counselor who is respectful of your Catholic Faith. Regard…
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As @Cloisters suggested, see if your Diocese can get you in contact with a Priest who has a background in Psychology. If this is possible, you and your boyfriend should meet with him and discuss the possibility of Marriage.

Otherwise, I would suggest consulting a Catholic Counselor or Therapist who could guide you and your boyfriend from a Catholic perspective.
 
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