OCDS Formation Q

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Tis_Bearself

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I have a question about OCDS formation that I am hoping people here can help with, as we seem to still have several OCDS left on the forum (I’m aware one or two more left a while ago).

I know when in formation it is very important to attend the regular (monthly?) meetings. I am a bit concerned about that because while I can usually prioritize and arrange meetings and events so I’m there when I’m committed to be, I occasionally will have some kind of travel or other family/ personal situation come up that might result in my having to miss a meeting. I am concerned that, unless the request to miss is due to something absolutely crucial like a sudden family funeral, this will get me thrown out of any formation program I might try to undertake. And of course, once thrown out, I probably wouldn’t be allowed to try again later. This is a major reason why I haven’t looked into it further up till now.

Can someone who has been through the formation give me some idea of how the formation programs deal with this sort of thing? I am talking about missing maybe one meeting a year, not every other month.

Also, how are the meetings/ gatherings being handled in times of social distancing?

Sorry if these are dumb questions. I don’t know anyone in real life to ask. Thanks for any charitable help one can provide.
 
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Like so many answers on this forum, the answer is… it depends. Really, each group is so different. I have known some that are really lax, really strict, but most of the time, they are somewhere in between. Missing one meeting a year is probably not going to be a big deal. The best answer to this question is from the particular group you are hoping to join.

Locally, our OCDS group is spreading themselves out and wearing masks for their meetings. Again, this probably varies from group to group. I do not belong to OCDS, but I have a SIL that does.
 
We were never that strict !

If a person misses continually, then yes they’re asked to review their desire to become members of the community.
 
Missing one meeting a year shouldn’t be an issue. You would be expected to make up any instruction you missed, of course.

It would be a good idea to ask the formation director of the community you are interested in joining about this.

The first few times you attend community meetings you are counted as a visitor and that gives you and members of the community time to get to know each other. It’s a great time to ask questions and discuss any concerns you may have.

Some communities are more strict than others. Mine tends toward the lax end.

We have not met since March and I do not know when we will meet again.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I am talking about missing maybe one meeting a year, not every other month.
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What we ask is that, when a member will miss a meeting, they notify someone on the council ahead of time (obviously, sudden illness or emergency is an exception to that), with the reason. It’s usually not a problem; we’re not friars/nuns, and we have secular lives, jobs, and families to care for.
Now, if you were repeatedly missing meetings, the Council would meet with you to discuss why. Sometimes people don’t realize the importance of the community aspect of the Order, and really thought it would be more like joining the Altar Society, or something similar.
And sometimes there are valid reasons, but it causes too many absences. God can speak to us in the circumstances of our lives, and this might not be the time for a particular person to join the Order.

Also, it’s not necessarily true that you wouldn’t be allowed to try again later. It would depend on the circumstances.
 
Thanks all. I thought I remembered a thread from several years ago where someone in one of the third order Carmelite formations had asked something about whether it would be appropriate to miss a meeting for a family trip or event, and had gotten some really negative responses on here. I don’t remember the rest of the details of the person’s situation, but the responses kind of scared me. I also don’t really want the first questions I ask in formation to be all about “how many meetings can I skip?” That’s like when you go on a job interview and your first question is “how much vacation time do I get?” It just leaves a bad impression.

I have been thinking of putting off trying to join until I’m retired and have more time, but to be honest I feel called for a while now and since we never know how much longer we’re going to live, I’m feeling like I don’t want to wait that long.
 
Dearest Tis,
I was elected Novice Mistress by the Council, and as such, I gave the formation talks to new novices prior to our regular meeting. I never ran into anything like people missing meetings, and I believe if they did miss, my notes were always available so they could catch up on that meeting’s instruction. We are not that strict, and welcome vocations. After all, it is Mary who calls aspirants, and even if they would happen to leave for a valid reason, once they make their final profession, they are still OCDS Carmelites, providing they still keep the Rule as “isolates.”
Follow your heart, and don’t be concerned about this. :hugs:
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I have been thinking of putting off trying to join until I’m retired and have more time, but to be honest I feel called for a while now and since we never know how much longer we’re going to live, I’m feeling like I don’t want to wait that long.
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If you feel called, my suggestion would be to go ahead. Many of our members work full-time. But whatever your work and family situations, it takes some balancing. The great thing is, you won’t be doing this discernment alone.
I’ve been on the council of my community, served a term as Formation Director, and have accompanied several classes of aspirants. There will be some differences from community to community, but feel free to ask away.
 
K, here’s the silly question of the day on this thread, what does “OCDS” stand for? I’m not familiar with the acronym…
Thx!!
 
Ordo Carmelitarum Discalceatorum Saecularis ( OCDS )

In English, “Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites”.

It’s the third order of the Carmelite branch founded by St. Teresa of Avila.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Thanks all. I thought I remembered a thread from several years ago where someone in one of the third order Carmelite formations had asked something about whether it would be appropriate to miss a meeting for a family trip or event, and had gotten some really negative responses on here.
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I remember that, too. She was going to miss one meeting after attending meetings for a year without missing one, and if I remember correctly, she was told she couldn’t advance because of that.
 
Glad someone else remembers. I can’t find the thread and thought I was imagining things for a minute. I did find some threads from 2016 (which was before I joined here) where someone asked a similar question to mine and several posters, including Don Ruggero, who used to be my favorite priest on here before he left, said essentially the same things that folks are saying on this thread.

Edited to add, I found it, it was going to be her first meeting entering as an aspirant and it was the funeral of a family member, albeit somewhat distant, she was told she had to miss. Mrs. Cloisters and others expressed some shock at that.
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Permission denied to attend funeral Vocations
I have been visiting and next week will be entering as an aspirant in the secular order of discalced carmelites next week. The day I would be welcomed is the day of a family funeral. How does one explain not attending the funeral to the family who is a different faith? Backround she was 93 and my husbands mother in law by his first (deceased) wife. The only family that will be there is her son, and 3 of her grandchildren. I have not maintained close contact with them after the death of my husb…
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I remember that thread, too and I think it was resolved when the community and the OP realized there had been some miscommunication.

I cannot imagine a formation director telling someone they couldn’t attend a funeral.
 
Anne1964 said:
I cannot imagine a formation director telling someone they couldn’t attend a funeral.
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I may not have read it thoroughly, but my impression was that it wasn’t even the Director of Formation. Just the person in charge of that group of aspirants.

It should be the community’s Council making the determination on whether an absence is approved.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Ordo Carmelitarum Discalceatorum Saecularis ( OCDS )

In English, “Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites”.

It’s the third order of the Carmelite branch founded by St. Teresa of Avila.
Click to expand...
Ahhhh, ok, that I understand, amazingly enough 🙂
Thx!
 
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