Oh dear, the sincere and sheer fear of Hell's sear

[Alligator]

I’m in a pickle. I cannot sleep and I cannot work. I took a trip to the depth of my soul looking for answers and I came up empty handed. I went all the way down into disbelief looking for answers. I have not been able to reconcile an idea and it has put the handbrake on my entire life. It is an age old unanswerable question. It has made me question reality itself, and I really mean that. I’ve gotten progressively worse since seriously looking into Catholicism. I no longer listen to music or watch movies. I fast and pray. I can’t even bring myself to exercise for USMC. I am not usually a fearful person. I’ve always been a wildcat. In fact, nothing scares me in comparison to this. I’ve been cooped up for months, almost exclusively alone, and I’ve had nothing to do but think about this.

What is the deal with Hell? Everyone seems to have a different opinion on it. Many religions and sects of religions have one and it is usually exclusive. The eternity of it demands more attention to anything else in this world. Yet most people don’t seem to worry about it. Many Saints say that only a frighteningly small number escape it. Only 8 escaped the flood. Only a couple left Sodom. Moses didn’t even get into the promised land. Jesus talks about Hell quite a lot. He also says to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect. I have a hard time understanding this.

I understand that God is infinitely merciful. What I do not understand is the level we must participate. Is Grace a glass armor, that while perfect, can be broken at any moment? Even Paul was worried about making it until the end. Paul! No one in my family history or any of my friends are Catholic. I don’t know any practicing Catholics in real life outside of my priest. I do not feel any different when I leave the confessional. I fear I misspoke or I left something out. I understand scrupulosity, I think, however I’m more fearful than scrupulous. I don’t know how bad I am. I can’t tell if I am scrupulous because I mean, if the vast majority are doomed, it seems logical to be as scrupulous as possible. Still, this has lead me to utter despair. I don’t know how to live anymore. No career or dreams or activities seem worthwhile anymore. I’m just shaking in absolute fear.

So, please, if anyone has a valuable (name removed by moderator)ut, let me know. I am afraid of going flat out insane. I want to be at peace, but I am just so terrified. John the Baptist makes a lot more sense now. The middle ages make a lot more sense now. I cannot tell if I am deluded or if the vast majority of people are deluded. We seem to commit some sin or another all the time. I know I am not a righteous man by default. My fear has lead me to disbelief, and my disbelief has caused more fear. Any ideas?

 

[Cruciferi]

So, please, if anyone has a valuable (name removed by moderator)ut, let me know. I am afraid of going flat out insane.

You need to speak with your Priest. This Forum will only increase your anxiety. Have you considered seeing a Catholic therapist?

 

[Alligator]

Dude, coming on this forum has increased this like 1000%. There are things I needed to clean up, but goodness I’m afraid of tying my shoes after reading some old threads on here.

I may have to look into a Catholic therapist. I’ve been a normal guy my whole life. Part of me thinks this is a neurosis and is a side effect of doing nothing but studying religion and being isolated at the same time. Still, it seems important. Basically, I just seek orthodoxy so I don’t have to worry as much about it. I feel much better when I get to talk to someone about anything. The weather for example. haha.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

I cannot sleep and I cannot work… It has made me question reality itself, and I really mean that.

If this is true I don’t think any of us can help you. Seek counseling and the help of a trusted priest.

I understand scrupulosity, I think, however I’m more fearful than scrupulous.

Scrupulosity is born of fear and a kind of religious OCD…

I understand that God is infinitely merciful.

To understand it and to TRUST in it are two different things. The former happens in the head and the latter happens in the heart. Work on trusting in God’s mercy.

 

[Fauken]

Part of me thinks this is a neurosis and is a side effect of doing nothing but studying religion and being isolated at the same time.

I’m isolated and would say that Catholicism makes up about 90% of what I read on a daily basis, and I don’t think I gave a neurosis. I echo @Cruciferi’s suggestion: find a Catholic therapist and take a break from this forum.

 

[Alligator]

Alrighty gents, I’m going to take a break. I need to go find a hobby so that I can focus these neurotic tendencies on something else for a while. I’m going to go see my priest today. He is a very helpful guy.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Good luck with your chat with the priest, and God bless.

Remember that Padre Pio, who was intimately aware of Hell, nevertheless told people, “Pray, Hope, and Don’t Worry.”

 

[Beryllos]

doing nothing but studying religion and being isolated at the same time

I think this might be a factor. Spiritual self-direction can get a person into a rut. A good priest could help you out.

Are you able to get out of the house much? Maybe your parish (or another nearby) has some adult faith formation programs where you could be part of the Christian community. Alternatively (or additionally) you could do charity work in your community. That’s living and sharing the Gospel.

Here’s a Bible passage for you:

When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:25-26

And that’s what Jesus came for. He is doing this impossible thing for you. Trust in Him.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Stay in God’s friendship. Go to Confession when you commit a serious sin, not sure if it is serious? There are good, handy examines available from your Diocese or the USCCB. Stay in friendship with God and you do not go to hell.

 

[fhansen]

Here’s the bottom line for man’s judgement according to the Church, quoting St John of the Cross, “At the evening of life we shall be judged on our love.” Persistent mortal sin is a marker of severe lack of love for God and neighbor. But we all start out differently; we all have different backgrounds and experiences and abilities and knowledge, and God desires perfection while accommodating our imperfection, patiently working in us as long as we’re on board, as long as we strive…to love better. And repent if we fail. And He expects more from those who’re given more.

Who can argue with the idea that we should love, even as we must accept the help of grace, of God, in order to achieve it? God wants more for us than we can imagine. And He’s infinitely kind and just and fair and understanding. He’ll do the right thing. And we’ll all be satisfied at the end of the day that He’s done the right thing-perfectly. Quoting another visionary, Julian of Norwich from 14th? century Britain who was burdened by the eternal fate of so many dying around her during the Black Plague, the catechism reports her locution from the God she sought for an answer: simple, without detail, yet satisfactory to her, “All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well”. We, also, can rest on that. While we’re obligated to do the right thing, with His help, Jesus’ burden is light.

 

[puer.dei]

but goodness I’m afraid of tying my shoes after reading some old threads on here.

Then you seriously need to leave the forums. Why stay in something that wrecks your peace?