Old friend wants money for cigarettes. What should I say?

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Michael98

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So a highschool classmate of mine who I haven’t talked to for a few years just texted me asking if she could borrow some money for cigarettes and pay me back when she gets pain on May 5. I told her I wasn’t comfortable paying for cigarettes for anyone and she said she respects that,but reminded me it would just be a one time thing. I thought that would be the end of it but she just texted me again asking if I’m uncomfortable lending her money in general. I can tell she’s really desperate, but I also don’t want to pay for something that will harm her (cigarettes).

Any suggestions? I also don’t think she’s Catholic, so I would love to try and lead her towards the faith in some way and worry she might lose interest in talking to me if I say no to lending her money.
 
“I’m sorry, I really can’t help you out.”

End of discussion. You do not need to justify your answer to someone you haven’t heard from in years. Honestly, it’s a very odd thing to ask.
 
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Only give her the money if you want to gift her a pack of cigarettes. Don’t make it a loan because you’ll probably be disappointed.
 
If this is someone who has not regularly spoken with you over the last few years, ask yourself, why now, and why just cigarettes. Sounds like someone looking to see if this one small initial request could lead to more and more “freeloading.” Sorry to be harsh, but I’d be careful.
 
She is a highschool classmate that you haven’t talked with for a few years, and now texting you asking for a loan to buy cigarratte. Sorry, I am not good in giving advice on this sort of thing, but on the surface, it seems it is more than meet the eye.

A tale-tell sign for this friend, maybe she is much more in trouble that you would know. Or it could be that she just want to hook up with you perhaps to explore a possibility of a relationship.

If you are interested, probably you can ask how she is getting on. Hopefully it is just about the cigarrette.

God bless.
 
If you really want to help her out, ask her if she needs anything else and then if you want buy it for her yourself. If she still just wants money tell again that you don’t feel comfortable and leave it at that. Pray for her in any case.
 
I would give her a lecture about the dangers of smoking.

But I’m bossy like that
 
It would probably be best to avoid texting her and giving her money.
 
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yeah, agreed with the others, seems quite odd, she may not be telling you the truth about what she really needs the money for. and if she needs money that badly for cigarettes, then there is addiction behaviour going on. If she is getting paid in a couple weeks, she really cab’t wait until then?
 
Maybe she’s texting you because she needs someone like you in her life. If she is of legal age to smoke, offer an exchange. She attends mass with you, then you will buy her the cigarettes after. Maybe that’s how you can bring her to the faith
 
Michael98 said:
Any suggestions? I also don’t think she’s Catholic, so I would love to try and lead her towards the faith in some way and worry she might lose interest in talking to me if I say no to lending her money.
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If someone has not spoken to you in a few years, and out of the blue wants “cigarrette” money, it is most likely not tobacco. This is one of the signs of desperation of people who are misusing mood altering substances. She is trolling through her contacts and grasping at straws.

Don’t fall for it!

If she loses interest in talking to you if you don’t lend her money, then she was not going to be interested anyway.
vallancec said:
If you really want to help her out
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Even though this is not likely to be about cigarettes, you can always text the number for free nicotine patches.
 
If you want to give her a gift, give her a gift.

If you don’t want to give her a gift, fall off the planet, don’t respond to communication, and she’ll leave you alone.
 
ajg said:
Maybe she’s texting you because she needs someone like you in her life. If she is of legal age to smoke, offer an exchange. She attends mass with you, then you will buy her the cigarettes after. Maybe that’s how you can bring her to the faith
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This is your answer OP. Smoking is bad, but one pack of cigarettes is not going to kill her. Offer to go with her to buy them and use the time to talk about Jesus and the Church. Make it a conditional offer that she attends mass in exchange for the smokes.
 
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Blessings
Her urgency is more profound than cigarettes. Though a nicotine fit can get desperate to cigarette addicts. How safe do you feel in her presence? Pray about this! Ask your husband! Take her to lunch?
As you see,”Just one time!!!”” It is one time now. One time the next time…
If your offer to get close and are rejected, protect your heart.
After an accepted lunch, ask her to go to church.
If she doesn’t know where you live, don’t let her know…
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
nightshade said:
This is your answer OP. Smoking is bad, but one pack of cigarettes is not going to kill her. Offer to go with her to buy them and use the time to talk about Jesus and the Church. Make it a conditional offer that she attends mass in exchange for the smokes.
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Do you really think this scenario would work out?
“Make it conditional?”

He has not spoken to this person in years and they call asking for money for cigarettes. That is just weird. You know what is even more weird? Thinking that someone is going to go to mass in exchange for a pack of cigarettes.
 
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If she is texting, she has a cell phone. Tell her to use her cell phone money for her cigarettes. If it isn’t her phone she is using, then she is sponging off someone else to text someone she hasn’t seen or heard from in years for cigarettes money.

Don’t respond to her texts anymore. If you feel guilty, take the equivalent of what a pack of cigarettes cost and put it in the poor box next time you are in church.
 
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Those types of things don’t really work and they will probably resent going to Mass instead.
 
I see your point. I think what the original person was getting at is maybe it’s deeper than just a pack of cigarettes and that was just the conversation initiator that could lead to something good coming out of it … maybe?
 
Say no. And then invite her to church.

Also check out Joe Sikorra’s show on Relevant Radio (they’re all posted on their site). He recently featured an hour-long segment on the importance of setting boundaries. He provides examples that sound very similar to yours. I found it very helpful!
 
Michael98 said:
Any suggestions? I also don’t think she’s Catholic, so I would love to try and lead her towards the faith in some way and worry she might lose interest in talking to me if I say no to lending her money.
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I wouldn’t “lend” for something so small.

I’d gift it. Buy her a pack of smokes if you want and wish her well.
 
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