On Being Timid.

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His_Ruby

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Do any wives or mothers feel that they are too timid? :o

I’ve always been shy and introverted. My DH and I have good communication! But often I lack assertiveness or am too concerned with others’ feelings to voice my own needs, concerns, opinions, feelings… etc.

It does, at times, leave me feeling sort of one-dimensional or unimportant or neglected or uninteresting - and it’s no one else’s fault! If that makes sense. (My DH is always concerned for my feelings - it’s less about him and more about the general sense of being introverted and timid, with everyone else around me too.)

The ideal is to continue being the gentle person I am but grow to be comfortable with being assertive with how I feel and what I need and think. That way I’ll feel more of my own person and be confident.

If anyone has felt this way, what steps did you take to overcome it or what helped you?
 
I used to think things at people instead of say things to people, especially in situations where I did not think my thoughts would be popular. It was tiring and sometimes maddening because I had all these thoughts and ideas that I never shared with anyone, and I realized that grand as they were, they amounted to zilch because I never shared them. So… I started watching people that did speak, observing their body language, how they stood, how they held their hands, who they looked at while speaking, etc. I would join groups of people talking and just practice postures while I thought things like usual. The people would eventually notice me because I was in their circle and I looked confident, so they would occasionally ask me what I thought on an issue. Once I got comfortable answering when spoken to, I forced myself to start saying things without being spoken to first. Oddly enough, I found it easier to stop being timid around new people. I tend to fall into old habits when I’m around people that I have known for a long time. I’m still shy and reserved, and the people I consider friends who I enjoy talking with probably don’t realize it and only consider me a friendly acquaintance, but it’s a lot better than it used to be.
 
If you can accept yourself in general, it’s easier to accept that not everything is easy and some things come difficult. Getting some confidence from knowing that you’re a beloved child of God (I’m sorry if I sound like a preacher or like I’m exaggerating… I’m thinking of something St Escriva wrote) might help build up some confidence without falling to pride - but you’d better talk to a priest on this one instead of listening to laymen. It’s a delicate matter. 😉

You aren’t any less a person if you can’t sing or if you’re clumsy and the same goes for some problems in communication. Besides, if you work on it, it, well, works, and gives you a sense of accomplishment. 🙂
 
I’m also an extremely shy person. I feel like I’m holding myself back, and I really want to be able to have more confidence. I know that my friends think I’m interesting, but for some reason I don’t see it. I would also love to be able to conquer my shyness so that I can feel like I’m living a fuller life.

I had the book, Shyness: A Bold New Approach by Bernardo J. Carducci Ph.D recommended to me. I haven’t been able to get myself down to the bookstore to pick up my own copy of it, so I can’t give you a first hand review of it, unfortunately. Maybe someone who wanders into this thread will have read it and can give us a review.
 
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