On forming close-friendships with non-catholics

  • Thread starter Thread starter phantom1998
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

phantom1998

Guest
I currently study in a secular university in India(where christianity is a minority religion) and hence I am surrounded by mostly non-catholic class mates.Also, I think I do not really connect with most of my ‘catholic’ friends at Church in the sense that we do share a common faith but may not share each other’s interests and personality traits.
St.Francis de Sales writes in his book ‘Introduction to the Devout Life’ that:

'Love your neighbor, Dear reader, with a great, charitable love, but befriend only those with whom you can be mutually supportive in virtue. The higher the virtues that you put into these relationships, the more perfect will your friendship be.

If your mutual exchanges deal with knowledge, your friendship is certainly very laudable; it will be even better if they deal with the moral virtues such as prudence, discretion, strength, justice [cf. Wis. 3:7-8; Prov.8:14]; but if they pertain to charity, the love of God, Christian perfection, then this friendship is truly precious and excellent: excellent because it comes from God, excellent because it tends toward God, excellent because its bond is God, excellent because it will endure eternally in God. Oh, how good it is to be loved on earth the way one is loved in Heaven, and to learn to cherish each other in this world as we shall do eternally in the other!

I am not speaking of the simple love of charity which is due to all; I am speaking of spiritual friendship by which two or more only one soul. With what excellent reason they can say: 'How good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. [Ps. 132(133):1]. It seems to me that all other friendships are but phantoms in comparison with this one, and their bonds are iron chains in comparison with this great bond of Divine love, which is pure gold. God, moreover, will eternally bless such friendships.

Do not form any other kind of friendship. I am speaking here only of those friendships which you form yourself, because you must neither abandon nor despise those which nature or your previous obligations require you to cultivate: relatives, allies, benefactors, neighbors . . .’

So, here I think the holy doctor advises against forming any other kind of friendship of your own choice other than christian friendships but what do I do if I am unable to find christian friends who I connect with in my current situation?On the other hand there are potential non-catholics with whom I could potentially connect with but they don’t share my faith.This leaves me feeling chronically lonely; isolated and frustrated.So, given my circumstances; is it alright if I strive to form close friendships with non-catholics?
 
So, here I think the holy doctor advises against forming any other kind of friendship of your own choice other than christian friendships but what do I do if I am unable to find christian friends who I connect with in my current situation?
Honestly, I’d be open to friendships with everybody. Jesus hung out with sinners and was criticized for it.

I’d even go farther and say that sometimes you are called to be friends with people who are not Catholic and may not be Christian. In a way you may be softening their heart to Christians. That may be part of a friend’s spiritual journey.

However, sometimes I’m disappointed when people turn on me when they realize that I’m actually trying to be decent Christian and Catholic and that my faith does sincerely mean something to me. It happens.

If somebody has core values that are counter to the Christian faith that will be a stumbling block…a big one. Occasionally people really do have core values that run counter to Christianity, but not usually…in my experience.
 
Last edited:
Do not form any other kind of friendship. I am speaking here only of those friendships which you form yourself, because you must neither abandon nor despise those which nature or your previous obligations require you to cultivate: relatives, allies, benefactors, neighbors . . .’
I’m not sure I get this. In my experience friendships aren’t something I really seek to “form myself”, and so choosing to not form a friendship that presents itself on this basis would just feel wrong. Maybe I’m missing something.
 
Last edited:
Tomas Kempis agrees with St Francis de Sales: ‘DO NOT open your heart to every man, but discuss your affairs with one who is wise and who fears God.’ - The Imitation of Christ
 
In my opinion, forming close friendships with non-Catholics is not a good idea. Being kind and friendly is something we should do. Just not be best friends. Someone of a different denomination than me causes me to stumble and can be frustrating and confusing.
 
ALMOST all my friends are non-Catholics, but none are explicitly anti Catholic. I enjoy my discussions with them, because not a lot of them know about Catholicism. One of my sisters’ friends said they were an atheist (which is not very common in the deep south of the US), so I asked him things like why he thinks murder is wrong. I enjoy religious discussion, my Muslim friend said that he enjoys that I am not trying to convert him, I corrected him, and said to him that I am trying to convert him, but it’s easier to do through conversation than bombarding him with Bible verses. (or something to that effect)
 
I enjoy religious discussion, my Muslim friend said that he enjoys that I am not trying to convert him, I corrected him, and said to him that I am trying to convert him, but it’s easier to do through conversation than bombarding him with Bible verses.
I say something similar with my non-Christian friends. I tell them that I’m always trying to get to them…just subtly.
 
'Love your neighbor, Dear reader, with a great, charitable love, but befriend only those with whom you can be mutually supportive in virtue. The higher the virtues that you put into these relationships, the more perfect will your friendship be.
There you go.

Your friends don’t need to be Catholic, but they do need to share the same virtues. If they did not, why would you befriend them anyway?
 
I couldn’t be friends with someone who is anti-Catholic. But I have some very good friends who aren’t Catholic. Not a problem.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top