Once Again, I'm Still Looking for Catholic Community

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ssa_fellow

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Hello,
I’m posting here only bc its more heavily trafficked than the vocations section. But its mainly about my vocation. I’m gay, so I can’t get married. And, I refuse to live by myself. So… I can either join a lay community, or a religious order. *.

I have past threads entitled: “Stuck in a rut. Need Catholic Community.” [Oct. 12, 2014]
"I need a Catholic community to live in [Oct. 12, 2014]
“I have no place in the world. Finding a place in the Church.” [Dec. 15, 2014]
“Miserable, Lonely, Depressed, Addicted” [December, 18, 2014]
“Depressed. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Treading Water.” [Jul 14, 2014]

I think that does a good job summing things up.

I’ve been battling depression, mainly because I’m gay, I believe 100% in the Church’s teaching… but, I nonetheless find the prospect of living by myself for the rest of my life to be debilitating. Furthermore, I’ve spent so much time dreaming about serving the Church, that I have no worldly goals.

I don’t want a college degree, bc I don’t want a nice house, I don’t want a car, etc. All I want is to serve the Church. And, I need to join a Catholic Community for the rest of my life in order to best do that. That is my conclusion. That is what I think the best course of action is.

So… where are the communities that Catholics live in for their entire lives?
Bc, even if I did persevere, get student loans, and get a degree. As soon as I got a degree, I would want to look for a community somewhere to join. I want to join a community now, and why can’t I get my degree later, while I’m living in common with people?

I mainly mention lay communities in this post, bc I’m fed up with the Church. It seems Religious Orders want me to wait. I’m too depressed, I have no stability, I have no degree, I have same-sex attraction, etc. etc.

I have spent 13 months, starting in December of 2013, living with my mom, living with friends, on couches, etc and working part-time jobs.

That’s what I’ve done for 13 months. And I’m sick of it. NO. I don’t want to go back to school.** I want to live in a Catholic Community NOW.** This year. By the end of 2015, or as soon as possible, that is what I want.​

I may start threads in which I just say:
I want to join a Catholic Community, be it lay, or a religious order, NOW. This year, in 2015.

-National Evangelization Team starts in August, I will do that if I can’t find anywhere else.

-Catholic Volunteer Network is almost always linked on my threads… so I’ll just say, that 80-90% of the groups on there are either A) Formed by habitless nuns and are not orthodox, or B) are no Catholic or C) Not currently accepting people.

So… if you’ve actually used that bloody site, please tell me some recommendations. Bc I’ve had 0 luck.

-I live in Alabama. Closer is better.
  • I tried to go to Madonna House in Canada. That was a problem bc Travellers Insurance costs a fortune for non-Canadians.** If you know about Madonna House, is there anything like that in the U.S.? If Madonna House were in the U.S., I would be there right now.** But, it’s too expensive to pay that insurance in Canada. Isn’t there somewhere in the United States like that?
Where are the communities of lifelong celibates?
Where are the Catholic communities?

I want to live in common with other Catholics, for the rest of my life. Moreover, I don’t see another way for holiness for me. Maybe some SSA Catholics can live alone, I think that’s utterly depressing, and I refuse to live alone with every fiber and bone in my body.*
 
Hello,

Sorry that your feeling Depressed.
It might sound like a very basic solution but have you considered living with flat mates?
Gay or straight,I’m sure there’s many non married Catholics that share a house with other friends-you don’t have to be alone.
I understand you want to have community with other Catholics but at the same time maybe consider also the prospect of living with non Catholics or agnostics etc because isn’t part of Jesus teaching form Catholics to be a light to the world?
There’s many ways to serve the Catholic Church,both religious and non religious ways.
Getting a degree doesn’t need to always be with the focus of getting a house,car etc in mind,instead a person might get a degree with the focus of serving God and Catholic Church.
Ie: a person might get a science degree and study causes or treatments for Mental illnesses or Cancer or Dementia etc.They are serving Catholics then too,yes?
Or they might even study the causes of same sex attraction with the Churches view always in mind.
Or they could get a Psychology degree and use it to implement a support program that helps young men become Psychologically ready to enter religious service.
Or open a Psychology practice to help teens at risk of pregnancy or abortion etc…
Or become a University lecturer on the subject of Celibacy…
If they wanted they could even use the money they would have bought a big house with etc to give to the poor and serve that way.
Just a few suggestions…
 
Are you close to St. Bernard Abbey in Cullman? A Benedictine community like this may or may not be the right fit for you, but perhaps one of the monks there will have ideas that can help you. I know the abbeys near me offer guidance upon request, and many of the monks can be a great source of practical wisdom and knowledge, in addition to offering spiritual help and friendship.

Madonna House did at one time have several communities in the U.S. I’m sorry to hear it if they have all closed down.
 
ssa_fellow said:
I mainly mention lay communities in this post, bc I’m fed up with the Church. It seems Religious Orders want me to wait. I’m too depressed, I have no stability, I have no degree, I have same-sex attraction, etc. etc.
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As someone who suffered from SSA in the past, I totally get your pain and anxieties about the future :hug3:

As a 47-year-old single mom to an 11-year-old, I also know the feelings of pain that come with looking to a future of singleness and being alone. What I mean is that my vocation is mother, and dating and bringing a step-dad into my son’s life does not appear to be the plan God has in mind for my son – I won’t even pursue it, not that there are a lot of single Catholic men in my age group anyway :rolleyes:

Point is, I have a little taste of your pain and suffering, as well as the fears your express.

In my much younger years (19-21) I was a postulant and a novice in a contemplative Benedictine monastery. So I also know a great deal about the demands (and joys) of that lifestyle.

With all that in mind, I suggest to take seriously the comments made to you by the religious communities you have heard from. Depression is no small thing (I suffer from anxiety attacks myself), and life in a community can actually exacerbate these feelings, rather than relieve them. Community life demands a level of maturity that you may not yet be showing the people you encounter.

Demanding to be let in, or begging and pleading for admittance, as well as saying your are desperate not to live life alone – all these things do not demonstrate the interior strength that is necessary for successful community life. And while you may not need a college degree in the future, attending classes and completing even an Associate’s degree does demonstrate perseverance, self-control, and a mature attitude towards reaching a goal and living life independently.

Working part-time jobs shows maturity, and that’s a good thing. Working at the same job for an extended period of time (whether you’re a burger flipper or a CEO) shows stability, a willingness to work as part of a team, and an ability to take direction and follow through.

When I was in the monastery, the prioress – God bless her dear heart – was absolutely no judge of character whatsoever! She allowed women with absolutely no aptitude for the religious life to try their vocations. The result was a complete disruption to the community as these women came for a few days or a few months and would challenge the prioress on everything, or would be in a constant state of turmoil, or need constant supervision, or simply couldn’t follow the monastic rule (silence, chores, keeping to the schedule).

It is not wrong for each religious community to screen applicants for the sake of preserving their community life. 🤷

St. Therese was upset that she had to wait to enter the Carmelite cloister. But out of obedience she used the time she was forced to wait to deepen her spiritual life and to grow in maturity (she was only 15). St. Rita was denied admittance to the cloister as well, but she was obedient and used her time in the world (her husband and sons had all died) to bring about good in the world. It was through a miraculous intervention that she finally was allowed into the convent!

The point is, don’t allow the evil one to win by becoming embittered and blaming those mean old religious communities. Instead, take their advice and work on being the sort of person who will THRIVE in religious life.

Meanwhile, please be assured of my prayers. You are not alone, and you are dearly, dearly loved!

God bless you! And may He grant you your heart’s desire – to love and serve Him in religious life – in His time.

Gertie
 
Gertabelle said:
As someone who suffered from SSA in the past, I totally get your pain and anxieties about the future :hug3:

Demanding to be let in, or begging and pleading for admittance, as well as saying your are desperate not to live life alone – all these things do not demonstrate the interior strength that is necessary for successful community life. And while you may not need a college degree in the future, attending classes and completing even an Associate’s degree does demonstrate perseverance, self-control, and a mature attitude towards reaching a goal and living life independently.

Working part-time jobs shows maturity, and that’s a good thing. Working at the same job for an extended period of time (whether you’re a burger flipper or a CEO) shows stability, a willingness to work as part of a team, and an ability to take direction and follow through.

When I was in the monastery, the prioress – God bless her dear heart – was absolutely no judge of character whatsoever! She allowed women with absolutely no aptitude for the religious life to try their vocations. The result was a complete disruption to the community as these women came for a few days or a few months and would challenge the prioress on everything, or would be in a constant state of turmoil, or need constant supervision, or simply couldn’t follow the monastic rule (silence, chores, keeping to the schedule).

It is not wrong for each religious community to screen applicants for the sake of preserving their community life. 🤷

The point is, don’t allow the evil one to win by becoming embittered and blaming those mean old religious communities.** Instead, take their advice and work on being the sort of person who will THRIVE in religious life.**

Meanwhile, please be assured of my prayers. You are not alone, and you are dearly, dearly loved!

God bless you! And may He grant you your heart’s desire – to love and serve Him in religious life – in His time.

Gertie
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Are you only talking about religious communities, or lay communities as well?

I have to get to a community soon. That’s my point, ok? If the religious orders won’t take me… then there’s a community called Cenacolo, that my priest has said I don’t belong in. It is for drug addicts. I will go there, if I can’t go anywhere else.

Yeah… after 13 months, I’m not making “progress” every day. I merely exist. Every day I live is not me “getting closer to a goal”.

I live at other people’s homes, and work a part time job. Does that demonstrate stability? I’ve currently been employed the longest at a job in my month: 5 months, going on 6. During that time I’ve lived on my friend’s couch, and with a family from Church. So, during that whole time I haven’t had an address. I haven’t been paying for a place to live.

So… I’ve been living dependently. Not independently.

I disagree with the notion that an individual must demonstrate success as an individual, in order to join a community. Isn’t the whole point of community that you’re too weak to do it as an individual? Isn’t that the whole point?

The Bible says that Christians should live in community. That’s what all the Early Church did: Acts 2:42-46.

I hardly have a place to live, and I essentially have nothing to do. I work about 20 hours a week. Not including the time I sleep, that still leaves 90 hours a week, in which I essentially do nothing. I talk to people, hang out with friends, get depressed, etc.

“Volunteer”… well, I have no stable place to live at the moment, and haven’t for 13 months. I don’t have my own place, and furthermore, I refuse to live by myself. So… once again, I’m looking for a community to live in then.

And once again, are you talking about lay communities too? Because, I’ll just go to a lay community, and maybe a religious order will take me after staying there for a while, maybe not.

If I don’t end up in a community, then I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll probably end up abandoning the Church’s teaching and living with another man. Ok?

Why should it matter how good a place I’m in? I’m in a terrible place, and I have no reason to be in a better place. Spiritually, mentally, I’m wallowing in endless suffering. Ok? I will continue to suffer as long as I can’t do anything.

**I want to go off, and serve the Church, by living in a community- religious or lay.

If I can’t do that, then what am I supposed to do?**
Thank you for your prayers and understanding.
That’s me just reading the negative in your post.

But, I will not live alone. I will not. No matter how many ppl tell me to get a degree, and live my life… I will not. And, I’m also not waiting around, ok?

I have 11 months in 2015. Surely I’ll be able to find a Catholic community to live in, in that time? I mean… doesn’t the Church give any value to community and communal life? Of course she does… So… then, I will find that. I’m not living as an individual anymore.
 
christofirst said:
Are you close to St. Bernard Abbey in Cullman? A Benedictine community like this may or may not be the right fit for you, but perhaps one of the monks there will have ideas that can help you. I know the abbeys near me offer guidance upon request, and many of the monks can be a great source of practical wisdom and knowledge, in addition to offering spiritual help and friendship.

Madonna House did at one time have several communities in the U.S. I’m sorry to hear it if they have all closed down.
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Yes, I actually visited St. Bernard’s about a month ago, in December.

And, I think I’ve discerned, upon visiting it 3 times, that I’m not called to be a monk. So, there… That is proof that I’m taking my vocation seriously, and I’m not just banging on the door of the Church, demanding to be let in anywhere.

I want to have community. That’s all I ask. Is that so much to ask?

Madonna House does have many communities in the U.S. But, unfortunately you can’t actually stay at them for any length of time. Just like visiting for a weekend or something. If you want to live with them in community, or join their community, then you go to the mother house, in Canada. Which, I looked into doing.
 
ssa_fellow said:
Hello,
I’m posting here only bc its more heavily trafficked than the vocations section. But its mainly about my vocation. I’m gay, so I can’t get married. And, I refuse to live by myself. So… I can either join a lay community, or a religious order. *.

I have past threads entitled: “Stuck in a rut. Need Catholic Community.” [Oct. 12, 2014]
"I need a Catholic community to live in [Oct. 12, 2014]
“I have no place in the world. Finding a place in the Church.” [Dec. 15, 2014]
“Miserable, Lonely, Depressed, Addicted” [December, 18, 2014]
“Depressed. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Treading Water.” [Jul 14, 2014]

I think that does a good job summing things up.

I’ve been battling depression, mainly because I’m gay, I believe 100% in the Church’s teaching… but, I nonetheless find the prospect of living by myself for the rest of my life to be debilitating. Furthermore, I’ve spent so much time dreaming about serving the Church, that I have no worldly goals.

I don’t want a college degree, bc I don’t want a nice house, I don’t want a car, etc. All I want is to serve the Church. And, I need to join a Catholic Community for the rest of my life in order to best do that. That is my conclusion. That is what I think the best course of action is.

So… where are the communities that Catholics live in for their entire lives?
Bc, even if I did persevere, get student loans, and get a degree. As soon as I got a degree, I would want to look for a community somewhere to join. I want to join a community now, and why can’t I get my degree later, while I’m living in common with people?*

I mainly mention lay communities in this post, bc I’m fed up with the Church. It seems Religious Orders want me to wait. I’m too depressed, I have no stability, I have no degree, I have same-sex attraction, etc. etc.

I have spent 13 months, starting in December of 2013, living with my mom, living with friends, on couches, etc and working part-time jobs.

That’s what I’ve done for 13 months. And I’m sick of it. NO. I don’t want to go back to school.** I want to live in a Catholic Community NOW.** This year. By the end of 2015, or as soon as possible, that is what I want.​

I may start threads in which I just say:
I want to join a Catholic Community, be it lay, or a religious order, NOW. This year, in 2015.

-National Evangelization Team starts in August, I will do that if I can’t find anywhere else.

-Catholic Volunteer Network is almost always linked on my threads… so I’ll just say, that 80-90% of the groups on there are either A) Formed by habitless nuns and are not orthodox, or B) are no Catholic or C) Not currently accepting people.

So… if you’ve actually used that bloody site, please tell me some recommendations. Bc I’ve had 0 luck.

-I live in Alabama. Closer is better.
  • I tried to go to Madonna House in Canada. That was a problem bc Travellers Insurance costs a fortune for non-Canadians.** If you know about Madonna House, is there anything like that in the U.S.? If Madonna House were in the U.S., I would be there right now.** But, it’s too expensive to pay that insurance in Canada. Isn’t there somewhere in the United States like that?
Where are the communities of lifelong celibates?
Where are the Catholic communities?

I want to live in common with other Catholics, for the rest of my life. Moreover, I don’t see another way for holiness for me. Maybe some SSA Catholics can live alone, I think that’s utterly depressing, and I refuse to live alone with every fiber and bone in my body.

I will pray for you.

One thing I would urge you to do is to take a break, even for just a few days, and pray to listen to God’s will. Pray a novena for clarity and guidance. Perhaps these blocks are coming up because God is telling you to wait and grow in your current life before you move on to the next step. It sucks to hear that when all you want is to “make progress”, but part of that growth is to have the humility to say, “Not my will but Yours, Lord.”

You sound like you’re near university age. Is there a Newman Center near you? I’ve found excellent Catholic community there, and both that I’ve been involved with welcome those of student age regardless of student status.

And in the meantime, perhaps practice something like the Opus Dei spirituality, which is a sanctification of your everyday work. Offer up every little thing for the salvation of one of your friends or coworkers or someone you have yet to meet, and pray for ways to witness to those you encounter. Think about everything you do as a potential way to grow and be able to help someone in your same situation in the future. One question I’ve been meditating on lately is “Someday, God will ask you to be the instrument He uses to answer a prayer. Are you ready?” And like another poster said, work to become someone who will thrive in community, serving those who you live with as much as they serve you.

I hope this helps in some small way.

Peace,

blue
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