One and only love

[misericordie]

I would like some (name removed by moderator)ut on a situation of my life.
About four years ago I began to discern a call to the priesthood, and I left to a religious order known for teaching. However, it was not what I expected(very liberal) and after six months in Novitiate, isolation, far away from home, and deppressed. DURING my Novitiate I often called a young woman close to my age who was a great friend I had met in a Church here in New York, one year before I left TO the Novitiate. She is well educated and a graduate of a similar prestigious University here, and whom I admired for her strong faith and devotion to the teachings of the Church. Once I came back to New York I continued talking with this frind and she was very supportive of me leaving novitiate, as she was for me to enter. This frind has also been in a discernment mind-set since 1998 as myself. However, as myself we have never just decided already. Anyway, slowly, I bagan to fall in love with this great person, and thought of her all the time, but I NEVER told her. However, last year, I felt I could NO LONGER hold this inside and I told her, to which she said: “I know, I could notice by the way you smile, etc.” Well, however, something changed since I told her, she became more distant, whereas before she would call me all the time and we would even get together for lunch. I really have suffered much for this, and I really wish things were as before. She has told me that she is not dating, and seems very disinterested in doing so. As per her vocation, I really think it went all the way to the backburner (I have NOT given up the idea of priesthood either: though I put it on hold).
Her mom and family really like me. The problem is: I STILL feel that I love this friend, and I have told her that. WHY is it things are this way? I do have pure-loving and Christain intentions towards her. What is most painful is the fact that she only seems to communicate with me: by sending me articles on saints, etc(very little friend to friend emails such as :“hey how are you” Lets get together", etc. I really cannot understand her evasivness, though I told her last year that I won’t continue to mention my feelings for her if she did not want me to. I find myself thinking about her more often then not, when it really seems she does not even give me a thought. I am a decent guy, with a 4 year college degree, from a very catholic family with high ethics and Morals, a clean record, and fairly good-looking. However, I do believe I will always love my friend, and well I don’t know if I should cut ALL communication with her. Any good advice?:crying:

 

[kellie]

She may not want to confuse you any more than you seem to be.

You say you are in love with her but still contemplating priesthood.

She may think she should stay distant, so you can work out what you truly want.

A calling to the priesthood is very serious, so is marriage.

Either way, you need to decide what you want, discuss it with her, ask her why she is distant, be open and honest like you have been on this thread.

I will pray for you and hope God will guide you to the right decision.

Love Kellie

 

[misericordie]

Kellie, thank you so much for your great advice. With reagrds to this thread, I honestly want much advice on all thsi especially from a female’s perspective.
Thanks, for you prayers, i need them. I will also pray for you.:D

 

[rfk]

I have had close friendships with woman (before I was married), where after time I felt like I was really falling for them. I can think of several women where our relationship stopped at the “just close friends” stage. I never had one that proceeded to “madly in love” after that. Since I didn’t meet my wife until age 36, I had my fair share of time out there in the dating world. Personally, I would read the situation as she really likes you as a friend but doesn’t feel romantically attracted. But that is just a guess.

When my uncle was in seminary, he was always close friends to the next door to his parents house (literally). She never did anything to try to romantically attract him away from his vocation. But when he left seminary after 6 years, she finally felt free to express her interest. They were married and had 8 children.

As Kellie said, your only way to clarity is honesty.

As far as priesthood is concerned, there are many opportunities to enter a faithful, orthodox seminary. You may want to also explore that option. There are MANY people on this forum – and elsewhere – who would delight in helping a young man find a faithful and orthodox path into the priesthood.

I have said a prayer for you.

 

[La_Chiara]

I can’t speak to the issues about a vocation to the priesthood. However, I want to point out that one person can be strongly attracted to another, but it takes two very committed people to have a relationship. This young woman is very politely signaling that she is not interested. Your feelings are hurt but you must respect her feelings and recognize that it is not going to be what you want.

I haven’t dated in 20 years (because I have been married that long) but I still remember really liking someone and not understanding why (and being hurt that) there was no reciprocal interest. But you need to accept that it isn’t a reflection on you. You can be a totally wonderful person, she can be a totally wonderful person, but for whatever reason, you are not the right people for each other. Recognize also that you are making her uncomfortable if you don’t respect her boundaries that she has set. Indeed, I think the best thing is for you to turn your attention to other people and other activities. Good luck.

 

[JDS2oo6]

Dear misericordie,

I know the pain with which you are now going through. I recently had encountered an experience like that myself.

Women are just really goofy, period (sorry to these great Catholic women on this board, but I have not encountered ANY good women).
They don’t know a good thing when they see one.

It sounds like she became disinterested in you since you became a single guy…she liked you as a friend, but you’re probably too good for her anyway.

My best advice for help is prayer. Pray that God shows you His will and pray that whatever pain you have in your heart and mind is washed away.

I’ll pray for you.

God Bless,

JDS

 

[DenRat]

Is is possible that she, having noticed your interest and then having it confirmed by you, is now waiting for you to make the next step? In other words, is she waiting to be courted?

She probably loves you too - maybe as a dear friend - maybe as a future husband - maybe both? I think the best thing to do is to talk with her about this since you could always talk to her before.

I don’t know how to discern a vocation for the priesthood vs. marriage. However, don’t automatically take her evasiveness as rejection. She may be stepping back to give you time and space to figure it all out. If her feelings for you aren’t more than friendship then you should know and be thankful for that friendship.

I would think that if you decide to become a priest, this needs to be dealt with anyway beforehand.

Good luck and God bless,
Denise

 

[Tom]

misericordie:

I do have pure-loving and Christain intentions towards her.

There’s a very large difference in “Love” and romance. Don’t get confused by the two. God so loved us He gave His only Son. Doesn’t mean He wants to be “romantic” but His love far exceeds romance. Let your love for this woman be as pure as Gods love for you.

misericordie:

What is most painful is the fact that she only seems to communicate with me: by sending me articles on saints, etc(very little friend to friend emails such as :“hey how are you” Lets get together", etc.

It sounds to me, she is showing you her love. She isn’t attempting to kindle a romance, she is loving you, she’s giving you what you need rather than what you want.