One Man's Musings

[GraceDK]

Cheating multiple time is completely different form looking a porn a couple of times a year. Cheating at all is different… that is my point.

Yep that is your point…
and whereas I agree that these things are (slightly) different I dont agree that one is less destructive to a woman’s self worth and a marriage than the other. I see both as full blown adultery and if my husband would engage in either I would be more devastated than I can describe. Maybe some men and women would feel differently… but then again I also know I am far from alone as I have read hundreds of testimonies from women who felt betrayed in the deepest dehumanizing way through their husband’s use of porn.

You may - as a man - find it less devastating if your wife is masturbating in front of images or films with men having distorted sex a couple of times a year… but something in me hopes that you would in reality feel very hurt and disrespected if she did something like that.
Again… maybe you would not. Maybe there really is a difference between men and women here.

 

[GraceDK]

NFPWorks, that is precisely the attitude that CAUSES the high annulment rate. People are criticizing the symptom instead of the problem. There wouldn’t be so many annulments if there weren’t so many marriages taking place that should not take place.
(…)
And no, my attitude is never divorce first, ask questions later. I’ve repeatedly said here and elsewhere it’s the worst thing you can do and if you don’t have a serious reason, don’t do it. Please don’t twist my words. They are plentiful, clear and self explanatory. There is no doubt what I mean. I’ve never told someone whose husband doesn’t want vegetables to ditch the guy. Good luck with the discussion, folks, but don’t try to expand on the OP’s very narrow perspective of the topic or disagree with the OP. That’s against the rules.

Lib… I totally agree with everything you say…
Dont let them get to you!

 

[KCtheMommy]

I appreciate your post GhostMan, I get what you are saying.

 

[dorisbonkers]

There can be nothing more sorrowful, on this side of the grave at least, than an annulment.

How about the death of a spouse, child or close relative. Or in my case my father’s suicide or being raped at knifepoint?

 

[Brenda_V]

How about the death of a spouse, child or close relative. Or in my case my father’s suicide or being raped at knifepoint?

Honey, I am so sorry you were raped, that was a violent act on your person (gee that sounds so impersonal, I don’t mean it to be ). You are right that this would be sorrowful “this side of the grave” but that statement to me excludes the death of anyone close to you so your other examples are moot.

GM I am conflicted with what you are trying to say. Not all posts where there is a conflict in marriage ends up in suggestions if getting an annulment although many do. Nor do they tend towards “man bashing” - they do tend toward “some men are just evil you–know-whats and it sounds like the man you are talking about is.”

Pornography is an evil that has become easily available in our homes, there are both men and women who are addicted to it. I do believe that the men whose wives are addicted to it are either okay with it (it excuses their own addiction) or are too ashamed to say anything about it - it has connotations of them not being “manly enough” for their wife. Women tend to hash things out in order to figure out what to do, we talk more about things than men do, men try to fix it before talking about it. We talk about it and talk about it and talk about it (sometimes even too much for some of us women which is why I don’t often read the threads about “my husband is reading porn…again”, especially if it is on “page 3” which is actually over 100 posts for me because that is the way I have the forums set up).

So, GM and other guys on this thread, know that we women who have good men appreciate what we have and also know that if they should fall into the sin of pornography it is because of the addictive nature of it and we are there for our guys to help them overcome it, just like they are there to help us overcome our most repetitive sin - which isn’t always gossip!

Brenda V.