One marriage, but two faiths

[S.to_P]

Hello All,

It has been a very very long time since I last posted anything on ths board. Well, here goes.

My wife, a non-Catholic with a fundamentalist background, and me, a Catholic who has finally realized how much truth the Catholic Church does teach, just had to actully open my eyes, are getting ready to have a baby. To make a long story short, I was never a very educated Catholic and et my wife. We were married by her pastor in her home and both attended her church for a while. Well, I felt something missing in my life and eventually came back to the Church, with her blessing, but a lot of sceptisism on her part. She is a trooper though. Now she is about three mnths pregnant and as anyone could imagine, this is a trying issue for both of us. I am looking for some suggestions on the issue as we both are truly trying to resolve this issue as it is very important that we do. More tahn liley she will read this post so please be kind, as I know all of you will.

Some things that you should kow first:

*She is not interested in the slightest in becoming Catholic. She has told me this and I have made amends with this.
*She comes from an pretty admittingly ex-Catholic and anti-Catholic family. That’s all there is to say about that.
*We may live aways away from family, but there is still that hold and belief instilled in her, maybe to a lesser degree, but there.
*In my return back to the Church, the pastor of the local Catholic Church counseled me generally but not real specific, I believe, in my duties upon returning and having children. If I had know, I may not have signed on the dotted line.
*Last but not least, I decided a while ago that I would allow the child to be reared in the faith of what the mother is, in this case, not Catholic. However, recently, I have become to feel a bit frustrated because I feel as if I am having my hand foced by the both of us because of her family, if that makes sence, and not sure if this is what I want to do now. Why do I have to bend.
*Okay, I fibbed. I have spoken to a couple Catholic pastors on this issue and not sure if I was not clear or if whatever.

Just asking for some advice her. Amm all ears.

 

[1ke]

If your wife has no interest in becoming Catholic, perhaps she would at least be open to learning more about the faith so as to not be “anti” Catholic.

She must also approach her family and insist on NO anti-Catholicism in the presence of you, her, or the children. You might have to limit family time because of this. Even if the child is not raised Catholic, it will confuse the child and hurt the child if the family is talking badly about the faith you practice (and consequently, indireclty talking about YOU).

This is a hard spot for you to be in. You are obligated above all to God and to your conscience. You know the Catholic faith to be true, therefore to allow your child to be raised in a false faith is quite problematic. I think you should try to raise your child Catholic. However, you also have a commitment to your wife and need to keep some kind of peace in the household. I really don’t know what to tell you in that regard.

What are your wife’s specific problems with Catholicism? Actual doctrine or what she’s learned from relatives? A personal hurt? Or is she resistant because her family is too much influencel on her?

 

[Catholic2003]

Maybe a change in attitude will help. You and your wife do share the same faith: the Christian faith. So instead of sniping at (and trying to convert) each other, why not focus on the many common beliefs that you both share.

From the Directory for the Application of Principles and Norms on Ecumenism:

1. b) Mixed marriage families have the duty to proclaim Christ with the fullness implied in a common baptism, they have too the delicate task of making themselves builders of unity. “Their common baptism and the dynamism of grace provide the spouses in these marriages with the basis and motivation for expressing their unity in the sphere of moral and spiritual values”.

…

1. In view, however, of the growing number of mixed marriages in many parts of the world, the Church includes within its urgent pastoral solicitude couples preparing to enter, or already having entered, such marriages. These marriages, even if they have their own particular difficulties, "contain numerous elements that could well be made good use of and develop both for their intrinsic value and for the contribution they can make to the ecumenical movement. This is particularly true when both parties are faithful to their religious duties. Their common baptism and the dynamism of grace provide the spouses in these marriages with the basis and motivation for expressing unity in the sphere of moral and spiritual values".

 

[Lorarose]

Good friends of ours were in a very similar situation.
She came from an ex-catholic and anti-catholic background.
She told me she HATED the catholic church.

Then she became a mom. This softened her a bit - but she was still anti-catholic.
Then she saw The Passion (the movie) and saw Jesus’s suffering through the eyes of Mary.

She just informed me she has begun praying the rosary.

My advice? Pray for her. Ask for the Blessed Mother’s intercession - it is always amazing what new motherhood can do for the soul.
Live your faith so you can be an example. It may take awhile - but beating her over the head will only make her run the other direction.