Online Dating

[XenaFan]

The results are really disheartening though. I am getting attention from a bunch of creepers and then guys who talk to me, sound like they want to ask me out and then pull a Houdini on me!

If you encounter 1 creep, you encountered 1 creep. If you encountered 2 creeps, you encountered 2 creeps. If all you encounter are creeps, then your the problem.

In real life, the only guys that notice me aren’t my type. How do I deal with this? I feel like its about time I get in a relationship. I have so much love to give, but can’t seem to find the right person. Volunteering and such is good and all, but I long for an emotional connection with someone. Why does God make people wait even though they have been praying for so long?

Are you actually pursing a relationship? Are you looking for the worst in men or the best? Are you going up to guys and introducing yourself to them? How many men have YOU asked out in the past 3 months? There is nothing wrong with being the initiator. In fact the only example in the Bible of someone being the initiator in a romantic relationship is Ruth, a women!

 

[Xantippe]

If you encounter 1 creep, you encountered 1 creep. If you encountered 2 creeps, you encountered 2 creeps. If all you encounter are creeps, then your the problem.

**Online, I don’t think that holds.

The ratio of chaff to wheat is that high. **

Are you actually pursing a relationship? Are you looking for the worst in men or the best? Are you going up to guys and introducing yourself to them? How many men have YOU asked out in the past 3 months? There is nothing wrong with being the initiator. In fact the only example in the Bible of someone being the initiator in a romantic relationship is Ruth, a women!

Ruth had a major in, though, because Boaz was actually kind of obligated to marry her. (There was somebody with a higher priority, but Boaz was high on the list of people obligated to marry Ruth.)

Also, I don’t recommend her method to nice Catholic ladies: “And when Bo′az had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. Then she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and lay down. 8 At midnight the man was startled, and turned over, and behold, a woman lay at his feet! 9 He said, “Who are you?” And she answered, “I am Ruth, your maidservant; spread your skirt over your maidservant, for you are next of kin.””

“Feet” doesn’t always mean “feet” in the Bible, IYKWIM.

 

[GreyWings]

Keep trying, don’t give up! Pray about it. I met my Catholic guy on a Catholic dating site. Asking for the intercession of St. Raphael helped, I think…

If you encounter 1 creep, you encountered 1 creep. If you encountered 2 creeps, you encountered 2 creeps. If all you encounter are creeps, then your the problem.

Whut? :ehh: From my own experience: I had dudes messaging me in a first message that they wanted to marry me, lol. Also, another guy without even speaking to me was willing to fly immediately to where I was “for coffee.”

 

[UbiCaritas]

The thing about online dating is that you will find a fair number of people who like the social outlet of the initial 3-5 email contact, but then get cold feet after that.

I’ve shared this on here before, but what the heck. DH and I met on a Catholic dating site. We were on there for some time–a bit over a year in my case, IIRC, and somewhat longer than that in his–before we met. We each had a decent number of people with whom we’d emailed, and a rather shorter list of first-dates-that-never-went-anywhere.

My outlook on it was to think of it as less of a dating site and more like a party hosted at a friend’s house at which I didn’t know most of the people there, but did know they’d be Catholic because that was the sort of party it was. As a result, I had no problem initiating contact (as it happens, I did with DH) because at a party, it wouldn’t be considered at all overt or forward to say to a guy “Great wine, isn’t it? So, how do you know Bill and Sue?” The conversation might go nowhere, but it might go somewhere, and worst case scenario, I’d polished my social skills a bit.

In short, don’t take it too seriously. Be open to it as a possibility for meeting a spouse (enlarging the potential spouse circle can only help!) but don’t see it as a sure-fire way to meet one, either.

Re creepers: I kept all contact online and onsite until I met someone in person or, if they were further away, until a month or so of normal emails. After that, it was cell phone only until we’d met in person several times. Finally, when I did go out on a date, I always let my best friend know when, where, with whom, and that I’d call her at a certain time to let her know I was home safe. I never met a guy in person with whom I was uncomfortable, but better safe than sorry, and all that.

I do have a couple of amusing first-and-only date stories. For background, I love books. I collect them, in fact. This came up as one of my hobbies on a FAO date. Clueless guy’s response: “You really should get rid of those books; they just take up space.” facepalm On the bright side, that particular bit of chaff was pretty easy to winnow out…

 

[Xantippe]

My outlook on it was to think of it as less of a dating site and more like a party hosted at a friend’s house at which I didn’t know most of the people there, but did know they’d be Catholic because that was the sort of party it was. As a result, I had no problem initiating contact (as it happens, I did with DH) because at a party, it wouldn’t be considered at all overt or forward to say to a guy “Great wine, isn’t it? So, how do you know Bill and Sue?” The conversation might go nowhere, but it might go somewhere, and worst case scenario, I’d polished my social skills a bit.

**That’s a great attitude!
**
Re creepers: I kept all contact online and onsite until I met someone in person or, if they were further away, until a month or so of normal emails. After that, it was cell phone only until we’d met in person several times. Finally, when I did go out on a date, I always let my best friend know when, where, with whom, and that I’d call her at a certain time to let her know I was home safe. I never met a guy in person with whom I was uncomfortable, but better safe than sorry, and all that.

I do have a couple of amusing first-and-only date stories. For background, I love books. I collect them, in fact. This came up as one of my hobbies on a FAO date. Clueless guy’s response: “You really should get rid of those books; they just take up space.” facepalm On the bright side, that particular bit of chaff was pretty easy to winnow out…

An old physics teacher Russian friend of mine used to say, “A negative result is also a result.”

 

[E_7]

The thing about online dating is that you will find a fair number of people who like the social outlet of the initial 3-5 email contact, but then get cold feet after that.

I’ve shared this on here before, but what the heck. DH and I met on a Catholic dating site. We were on there for some time–a bit over a year in my case, IIRC, and somewhat longer than that in his–before we met. We each had a decent number of people with whom we’d emailed, and a rather shorter list of first-dates-that-never-went-anywhere.

My outlook on it was to think of it as less of a dating site and more like a party hosted at a friend’s house at which I didn’t know most of the people there, but did know they’d be Catholic because that was the sort of party it was. As a result, I had no problem initiating contact (as it happens, I did with DH) because at a party, it wouldn’t be considered at all overt or forward to say to a guy “Great wine, isn’t it? So, how do you know Bill and Sue?” The conversation might go nowhere, but it might go somewhere, and worst case scenario, I’d polished my social skills a bit.

In short, don’t take it too seriously. Be open to it as a possibility for meeting a spouse (enlarging the potential spouse circle can only help!) but don’t see it as a sure-fire way to meet one, either.

Re creepers: I kept all contact online and onsite until I met someone in person or, if they were further away, until a month or so of normal emails. After that, it was cell phone only until we’d met in person several times. Finally, when I did go out on a date, I always let my best friend know when, where, with whom, and that I’d call her at a certain time to let her know I was home safe. I never met a guy in person with whom I was uncomfortable, but better safe than sorry, and all that.

I do have a couple of amusing first-and-only date stories. For background, I love books. I collect them, in fact. This came up as one of my hobbies on a FAO date. Clueless guy’s response: “You really should get rid of those books; they just take up space.” facepalm On the bright side, that particular bit of chaff was pretty easy to winnow out…

 

[TeachCatechism]

I had a membership on Catholic Match for a year and met one guy. Unfortunately we we weren’t a good match because he was 15 years younger and lived 6 hours away but we met as friends really. Otherwise it was a waste. The few guys who contacted me were either much older, were divorced without an annulment, or freaks, like the one guy who admitted hitting an ex and looking for a submissive wife. I contacted men but they never responded or we chatted briefly then poof. Part of it was my age, being 40 is poison for women on dating sites. The never married men my age were often seeking younger or not looking seriously. When my membership expired I didn’t renew.

The guys though were better. The secular sites brought out trash like married men or men with multiple baby mamas. It’s why I gave up on dating sites.