only the love for my daughters is keeping me alive

[flyingfish]

i’ve asked him to leave until he works on his lack of relationship skills and getting in touch with his feelings and motivations but he refuses – i don’t want to live with him or him to stay, but with 6 children, and me homeschooling the youngest 2, i feel i should stay in this cheap but big house for their sake and he is refusing to see there is a problem and i knew he would fool his therapist because he is so good at playing the innocent naive good guy, but i had such hope and it is crushed

Of course it would be financially difficult for you to separate. But maybe in the long run it would be best to endure the initial hardship.

If you divorce in court, the fact that you’ve been homeschooling 6 children will be taken into account. He will have to pay a lot of child support and alimony as well. Maybe you’d even be able to keep the house and he would have to move out.

In the end, you have to decide if it’s more important for you to have a financially convenient arrangement or to live without your husband. You might have to get a job, sure, you might have to give up some material comforts. But in the end you have to decide whether your emotional health is worth it.

If it’s so difficult that you really feel you cannot leave, you can really decide to live with him just as roommates. Simply don’t talk to him. If he talks to you, turn around and walk away. Avoid being in the same room with him. Things like these might sound silly, but it really goes a long way. Get some earplugs and headphones for the case where he tries to force conversation on you. That kind of thing is effective when dealing with noisy roommates.

 

[dulcissima]

Is there a way you can start to separate while living in the same house? Separate bedrooms, some time to yourself, maybe withdraw emotionally and not engage in debate with him? Does your parish have adoration? You need to find some peace and some space for yourself.

Another thing that I would recommend is to start keeping a journal of some of the things that he says and does that are uncomfortable for you. It helps to be able to look over it later and see it there in black and white. It will also be useful information for your new therapist and should it ever come to it, a mediator if you end up having some sort of a custody dispute.

 

[Zelie_Louis]

Follow-up will occur offline.