Only want one child

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mary2
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Mary2

Guest
Is it a sin to only want one child? This is a topic that my husband and I seem to fight a lot about. We have a six month old daughter and she has been a handful. She is just not a happy baby. I used to want a large family, but after having her I don’t want anymore kids. My husband wants more kids. I’m the one that gets up with her in the middle of the night and feeds her and changes her and spends all day with her. This is what I thought I wanted but now I don’t want this life anymore. My husband gets upset when I say I don’t want anymore, but he’s not the one that has to do the work for the baby we do have. I know when we got married one of our vows was to welcome children. I am suffering from postpartum depression and I don’t think I have it in me to mentally handle another kid. Is it a sin to not have anymore? A part of me feels selfish but I really truly do not want anymore kids. My depression has gotten so bad that I wish sometimes I was dead and that my husband would find another woman who’d be a better mother to our daughter than I am.
 
little kids are hard, don’t think your mind is made up.

Get him to help, especally in the evenings; bathing and feeding.

NFP is only for when you have a real need to not have more children otherwise you should be open to it. I think most (catholic) doctors, scholars, etc would say you have a legitimate reason to not have another until that one is ~2; your physical health and psychological of having a little kid.
 
The size of your family is not a decision you have to make today or this month or this year. As time passes, you can reassess to determine whether your situation still calls for avoiding more children or if it is time for your family to consider a different path. If you and your husband are at odds or coming to different conclusions, it may be beneficial to seek the spiritual direction of a trusted priest. But again, that’s not something you have to decide today and you can take the decision one kid at a time.

Also, please make sure you seek medical help if you have PPD. It’s important to make sure you take care of yourself too
 
Yes, please seek medical help if you haven’t done so already. Can you ask your husband to help you out more, take it in turns to get up during the night? Tell him you need his help and more than that, you expect it as the father of the baby.

My advice, honestly, is try and take things one day at a time. Your baby is only six months old, you’re still adjusting to that. I would say you don’t need to make any decisions on having more children at the minute.
 
Just focus on the one you have for a year or so and then revisit the question…
 
You need medical help. What you describe is classic PPD.

6mo is nowhere NEAR time to discern one or more children is in your future.

I have great post-partum but TERRIBLE pregnancies. Hubby gets upset when I say I want more. He’s not opposed to more children (although he is worried about being “spent”). He fears so much about that.

It HAS to be a conversation.

Right now is NOT the time for you to talk about more children.
 
The last time to decide how many children you want is when you have a baby.

Take it one month at a time.
 
Please get treated for your PPD, if you aren’t already! It’s really important for your own health, your bond with your baby, and your marriage. Anyway, there’s no reason to swell on this. Your baby will get older and will not be keeping you up at night. Your stress will diminish. You may feel differently in the future, or not. Having another baby is something you decide when the time comes. It certainly isn’t sinful to avoid pregnancy when you’re 5 months post-partum! Its too early to worry about this and if your husband tries to start in about wanting another baby, hand him the one you’ve got and go take a bubble bath!
 
Mary2 said:
. I am suffering from postpartum depression and I don’t think I have it in me to mentally handle another kid.
Click to expand...
I think this is the main thing here. You could very well change your mind once you’re over this. Your husband should understand this situation and also that this is a serious illness.

Get help for the depression would be my advice.

All that aside, under normal circumstances I would also say that one spouse shouldn’t unilaterally decide that they don’t want more kids and that is that. I am aware that the woman is the one who carries the child for 9 months etc. But if the man was saying he was getting a vasectomy to avoid more kids and the wife wanted kids I’d say the same thing.
 
I understand what you’re saying. We have a 6 month old (after losing several babies) that is fussy for a few reasons. I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world, but he is hard work!! My husband works long hours, most days of the week, and I often feel like a single parent. I don’t have much outside help other, either.

I’m an older mom at this point, and even after a career specializing in early childhood mental health I didn’t anticipate how exhausting this could be. But, as a therapist, your statements of wanting to be dead stick out to me more than your original question about having more kids. Please get treatment for yourself first; that is the priority right now!! NFP exists for a reason, and this is one of them. Prayers for you and your family!
 
I had very bad post partum depression with my first. I was so bad, that I was afraid to drive or put the baby in the car.

I thought I could never have another child.

See your doctor. Don’t decide now. My first two children are 3 years apart. Six months is soon to decide.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
Right now is NOT the time for you to talk about more children.
Click to expand...
Indeed. Post-partum concerns aside, having a fussy 6 month old is not going to make very many people eager to have another child right then and there. For now, it’s probably best to put the conversation aside and try not to speak in terms of definitive absolutes (i.e. "we will never have another child ever again).

Or tell your husband, if he wants another child, he would increase the likelihood of that happening by getting up in the middle of the night every once and a while. 😉
 
Hi,

You have a little 6 mouths old baby. Yoy suffer post partum depression. It’s normal not to want anymore kids rights now.
Perhaps, you’re exhasuted from birth and sleepless nights and constant care?
Perhaps you’re always experience physical pain form the process of giving birth?
You feel mentally and phsically broken?

Seek professional help. It’s very important to not stay alone with your depression. Yoy could see a mental health doctor, a family doctor, a midwife… Or seek confort from supportives others mothers…

I have a toddler and the first year have been a life changing one, and very very difficult. The more difficult of my life. I don’t have post partum depression, but a broken body, physical pain, exhaustation. But I never regret having a baby, I I feel I was’nt aware of all this…
I don’t wan’t an other baby because of exhaustation and because I can’t have sex…

things have heps me : brestfeeding (wich help with depression), my husband, and discussion with others mothers, through La Leache league. And see friends, go out as a family for catholics activities all weeks. And logistics help from family.

It is possible to go out with your baby, it’s easy when thay are little, and your mental health would improve.

Not wanting kids right now is not a definitive no. And when they will be older, you can get a job if you want. There is hope.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top