Open to life in a teens eyes

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mamamayi

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My son is in the preteen phase where everything is embarrassing. We have a large family and he has several siblings. As an adult, I have gotten used to defending my large family. But, for a child, I can see how this can be upsetting to have to defend your family. Just today a few of his classmates made some negative comments about his large family. He comes and says to me how he hopes there aren’t any more babies in the works or else he will be embarrassed. I attempted to explain how wonderful it is to be open to life but he is not seeing the goodness in it. Any words of wisdom of how he should respond to his friends, especially if another baby comes?
 
Oh so it is a phase! 😃 I’m a teen myself, freshman, but the thing is not to worry about what they say. Yes, yes, everyone gets told this, but it really doesn’t matter. I’ve learned how to push them away…I go to a Catholic school and still get weird eyes from kids when I’m walking down the hall praying the rosary! Having a large family is a gift! Words of Wisdom? Have him talk about all the great things his siblings have done. “How many of your siblings have _____? Oh Didn’t Think so”…It might be mean, but hey, its High School haha 😉

Best of Luck!!!
 
Sounds to me like you should just tell him to try not to care what other people think. The truth is that our embarrassment as to what we think other people think about us is largely just in our minds, and if we choose to NOT CARE, we get along better with other people since we’re not always trying to please, and we aren’t anxious all the time.
 
Bottom line is, kids are cruel. If they weren’t teasing him about his large family, they would be teasing him about something else. I would try to point out that the kids just want to be cruel and they will use whatever way they can. Then I would ask him

Do any kids with red hair get called carrot top?

Do the overweight kids get called fatso

Do the kids from single parent families get told ‘your dad does nothing for you’

Do the kids with learning disabilities get called dumb?

I would teach your son he needs to learn to handle teasing by a combination of setting boundaries, choosing his battles or learning to let it in one ear and out the other. This has NOTHING to do with your family size. Besides, these kids are just repeating what they hear as a funny joke on TV. They don’t comprehend it

Angie
 
I’d probably say something like, “I understand your point. We have reached our limit and it’s embarrassing. I promise that if we ever get pregnant again, you will be the first one we sell. Do you think you’d prefer to be an Injun or a gypsy?”
 
Explain that having a large family makes you an extremely environmentally friendly family. You have a much smaller carbon footprint than his friends’ families because you house and transport more people with essentially the same amount of resources as smaller families. If you buy in bulk then you reduce waste and are resulting in far less garbage going into landfills. You’re also helping to ensure the survival of the culture since our fertility rates recently dropped below the sustainable level. Unlike his friends, you’re actually working to save the country and the planet.
 
Allegra said:
I’d probably say something like, “I understand your point. We have reached our limit and it’s embarrassing. I promise that if we ever get pregnant again, you will be the first one we sell. Do you think you’d prefer to be an Injun or a gypsy?”
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:rotfl:
 
I wish I had some advice. I have nine children, and my kids have always asked me when the next baby is going to be born. They have always gotten a kick out of people’s reactions to our large family, and I think the fact that they seem so happy about it–no attempt to defend anything–has some impact on how people react. But I’m only guessing. They just really don’t seem to care what anyone else thinks, and I think it’s because they take pride in having a family that is unique.
 
You might want to tell him you met a much older man and he said he was never blessed with siblings. Tell him that man also was never married and has no kids of his own. Tell him that man’s parents are both dead a long time, and this man is now always alone and lonely. Tell him he will never be all alone, even after you, his parents are dead. He will always have his brothers and sisters. Sure they will fight. But they will always have each other. Tell him the old man said nothing is worse than being all alone in this world. He will never have to face that.
 
Is your child especially close to any of his/her siblings? Have your child look at that sibling and ask “Can you imagine if you didn’t have this sibling?” “Are you telling me that you would rather have your friends approval then your siblings?”
 
There are so, so many witty comebacks to this. Especially since your child is a boy. My goodness. Of course, all of the ones I think of are quite crude.

I think the other posters who suggest you having a quiet talk with him about the sanctity of life are spot on, as are the ones that say that you should inform him that people are going to be bullies about anything and it’s their problem, not his or yours.

But if it was my son? Man…

OP, if you care to hear the line I have prepped, just PM. I can’t even clean it up without it being a bannable offense. But suffice to say it includes a reference to an act of self impurity with regard to the peers and about how you and your spouse enjoy each other’s company in a physical way and there’s nothing wrong with that.
 
Anglewannabe said:
Bottom line is, kids are cruel. If they weren’t teasing him about his large family, they would be teasing him about something else. I would try to point out that the kids just want to be cruel and they will use whatever way they can. Then I would ask him

Do any kids with red hair get called carrot top?

Do the overweight kids get called fatso

Do the kids from single parent families get told ‘your dad does nothing for you’

Do the kids with learning disabilities get called dumb?

I would teach your son he needs to learn to handle teasing by a combination of setting boundaries, choosing his battles or learning to let it in one ear and out the other. This has NOTHING to do with your family size. Besides, these kids are just repeating what they hear as a funny joke on TV. They don’t comprehend it

Angie
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Angle said, exactly what I was going to say! Those kids are just being cruel and looking for an excuse to bother your son. Tell him to ignore them and to show them.he doesn’t care what they think. When those kids realize their words have no effect on your son, they will stop.
 
Allegra said:
I’d probably say something like, “I understand your point. We have reached our limit and it’s embarrassing. I promise that if we ever get pregnant again, you will be the first one we sell. Do you think you’d prefer to be an Injun or a gypsy?”
Click to expand...
I am laughing so hard with this one I can’t tell…
 
Which son? Especially if it’s the oldest, have his dad talk to him.

One thing I strongly believe is that matters of faith should never be up for debate; debating means there is ground to concede. Your son shouldn’t address criticism of his family size; there is nothing valid to criticize.
 
I’m Y9 ( aged 13-14)and my advice would be not to care. By not giving the people teasing and making mean comments a reaction you aren’t encouraging them to continue. People like this are usually just trying to act funny.

I’ve posted this on another thread but it’s one of my favourite quotes from Mother Teresa:

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

🙂
 
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