Openness to life

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Joe01ma

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We are a Catholic couple looking for advice.
We have 4 children, we homeschool, very active in church, we have been practicing NFP for many years. We feel our family is complete and not wanting to having more children. My question is this: is not wanting to have anymore children, not being open to life? And if so should we not have marital relations anymore because of this?
 
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As long as you are not using immoral means to avoid the pregnancy, then there’s not anything wrong with not being ready for more children. I personally think it’s a good idea to keep oneself open to the will of God and not commit oneself to any “Never Again Will I…” mindsets in most facets of life. However, if you feel your hands are currently full enough, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “We’re good, for now.”
 
The “Open to life” catchphrase is very confusing, isn’t it!

As long as each act is ordered toward procreation and your reasons are just, you may decide to use the conservative rules for your method for as long as you and your spouse agree.
 
Joe01ma said:
not wanting to have anymore children, not being open to life?
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The Church doesn’t teach “open to life” when it comes to sexual morality. What the Church actually teaches is that each act of intercourse must be per se ordered to procreation and unity of spouses.
Joe01ma said:
if so should we not have marital relations anymore because of this?
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The Church does not teach this.

You are way overthinking things.
 
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Please stop spreading falsehood.

One must have just reasons, not serious or grave reasons which do not properly translate the original Latin.

The reasons you list are certainly just, but are not inclusive of all reasons.

I suggest the OP talk to her priest before she becomes confused by people trying to put a burden on her that the Church does NOT.
 
This sounds like an interpretation on your part. I do not think “Supports” is too general a term. It is pretty clear, actually.
 
You assume the OP “simply doesn’t want to have anymore children”.

The OP has said she and her husband feel their family is complete— she didn’t elaborate on why. And it’s not our business why. If she and her husband have a just reason in conformity with objective morality, and take no steps to thwart the procreative end of intercourse, they do nothing wrong by abstaining periodically.

In your opinion.

And the OP didn’t state her reason.
 
jvickers said:
This sounds like an interpretation on your part. I do not think “Supports” is too general a term. It is pretty clear, actually.
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Yeah, it’s pretty clear because it actually uses the word: supports.

“The Catholic Church supports the methods of Natural Family Planning (NFP) because they respect God’s design for married love.”
 
I’m curious about this concept of feeling ones family is complete. How does one discern this? What role does God play in it. I’m curious as my wife and I struggle with this concept.
 
Yeah. “Our family is complete” is often a euphemism for, “We have currently expended our resources of money, time, space, and/or energy and cannot currently add more children to our family without causing significant hardship to the happy family we already have.” This threshold is going to be different for each family, so no one should be trying to put themselves in judgement of someone else’s family life and what they can or should be able to handle.
 
Sort of like “how did you know that your spouse was ‘the one’”. The answer varies from person to person, and sometimes it is simply “I just knew”.
 
That doesn’t make sense to me. “you just know” is not really a guide for this type of discernment. When you have an act that is given to us to procreate and unify, How do we decide in union with God what the purpose of that will be. And what if as in so many cases there is disagreement within the marriage?
 
Sorry, but you are the one who appears to be in the debate. I simply posted a link to the USCCB website which indicates it supports NFP. You did not appear to like the information, so you began debating the issue. Please do not ascribe motives to people that are not there.

Let’s agree that a priest is probably the best resource to answer the question.
 
Hoosier-Daddy said:
And what if as in so many cases there is disagreement within the marriage?
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First, our OP stated:
Joe01ma said:
We feel our family is complete and not wanting to having more children.
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I assume that our OP is truthful and that this is not a disagreement in the marriage.

If another poster came in and said that they and their spouse disagree about trying to conceive, the advice would be to discern a month at a time. To weigh all of the information and discuss it with their spouse, and if need be with their priest or a marriage counselor.
 
When we had our second baby, our family was complete for about two years. Then it wasn’t. So we got pregnant again. I expect a feeling of “completeness” will follow this pregnancy for a significantly longer amount of time. To me, the concept of “open” implies an ongoing process of discernment of one’s family life, resources, and circumstances. At any moment, one could get a phone call that they’ve been promoted to bank president and will be making a zillion dollars or that their widowed sister with four children just found out she has terminal cancer. (Or any number and combination of less extreme life changes.) I think we are expected to remain open to God’s will for our family. That doesn’t mean trying to produce as many children as physically possible, as some folks seem to infer. It just means praying and being open to God’s plan as the circumstances and opportunities of life change. Hope that helps.
 
Thank you for all the answers and discussion. We do have reasons for not wanting more children. Primarily the wellbeing of the children we already have. That being said, if the desire to procreate is no longer there is marital relations permissible?
 
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