I have not posted on here for a long time. I was looking for something specific and stumbled across this thread.
First, let me tell you that I sympathize with your situation. Fixing marriage irregularities is often times neither easy, nor fun.
Second, I am a priest, so perhaps I can help you understand some things. You have to realize that this last week is one of the busiest times of the year for priests. I had to turn many people away this week who had normal, run of the mill questions, simply because I didn’t have time to deal with them. My response is always a standard, “Please just call the office. The secretary will be happy to set up an appointment.”
Please understand, it’s not that priests are being rude or don’t care. But, Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, the Easter Vigil, and Easter Sunday require a great deal of time and energy to celebrate well. It’s not that we don’t want to deal with your particular situation in that exact moment. It’s that we can’t deal with it and still give the undivided attention that your situation deserves.
As I read your situation, I think 1ke is correct. It sounds like a case of Pauline Privilege. I am by no means a Canon Law expert. In fact, I struggle with what exactly to do in these cases myself. But, let me try to help you understand what is going on.
The Church assumes that ALL marriages are valid, meaning they are real, until proven otherwise. For example, when I first begin preparing a couple for marriage, there is a series of questions that I have to ask them, one of which is, “Have you ever been married before?” Just to make sure the couple understands what is being asked, I always, in a joking way, add, "In the Church? In court? Common law? Ever got drunk and flown out to Vegas on a whim and got married in a chapel by somebody that looks like Elvis (thanks, Jason Aldean)?
I ask this because even a wedding like this one, where you were drunk, have no recollection of what you did or said, with whom, where you were, etcetera, is assumed to be valid unless proven to be invalid. In such a case, that process would be rather simple. But, you still have to go through it in order to be free to marry.
Right now, the Church assumes that your husband is still married to his previous wife. To rectify that, you need to go through the process.
But, your question is more about why he can’t receive the other sacraments. There is no real easy way to say this, and I assure you I would use different, more comforting language if we were speaking in person, but it’s because your present relationship with him is adulterous. In the Church’s eyes, he is a married man, and he married to someone other than you. That situation needs to be cleared up.
When we are baptized, we renounce Satan and sin. If someone is not prepared to renounce sin, then he or she is not prepared to be baptized. This doesn’t mean we’ll never fall. We all do. But it does mean we at least try to avoid sin. To use an extreme example to illustrate this, suppose a confessed murderer approached a priest for baptism. He acknowledged committing murder, but had no remorse whatsoever. He openly admitted desiring baptism because he knows that it removes sin, and he is about to be executed. He is treating the sacraments s though they are magic. Such a man should not be baptized because he does not understand what baptism means or is.
I don’t think this describes your husband’ situation, but it is analogous. For him to receive baptism, he first must be in a state where he is prepared to receive the sacrament, and that means renouncing the sin of adultery. To do that, which I know from your sincerity, you BOTH want to do, he has to go through the annulment process.
Try talking to your priest. Now that Holy Week is over, he might have more time.
I hope you will reconsider. There is so much more than your family’s security at stake, and the solution is not impossible.