Order of Protection and Annulment

[mrefer13]

The court has once again given me an Order of Protection. How will I be protected once my spouse learns I am seeking an Annulment? He will be extremely angry when he discovers this and I am fearful that nothing will stop him from being hostile. Domestic Violence is a very serious issue for me and I know the capabilities of my ex.

 

[AnnArbor]

The court has once again given me an Order of Protection. How will I be protected once my spouse learns I am seeking an Annulment? He will be extremely angry when he discovers this and I am fearful that nothing will stop him from being hostile. Domestic Violence is a very serious issue for me and I know the capabilities of my ex.

Tell your procurator advocate about your concerns and ask him/her to include a request with your resume that the tribunal take all possible steps to protect you. There are ways for the tribunal to ameliorate some of the risk.

 

[pianistclare]

You must divorce first, THEN seek an annulment.
If you are not divorced yet, there is no reason to mention it.
See your priest.
I will say a prayer for you and your safety.

 

[AnnArbor]

You must divorce first, THEN seek an annulment.
If you are not divorced yet, there is no reason to mention it.
See your priest.
I will say a prayer for you and your safety.

Oh yes, this! OP, I presumed you were divorced already. If not, that is your first step.

 

[mrefer13]

Yes everyone, I realize a divorce comes first and it will be finalized in less than one month. Thank you for your guidance. My concern is in the manner in which the Tribunal protects not only themselves when they contact my soon to be ex, but myself. If you’ve never been in an abusive relationship, it’s difficult to understand the fear of your spouse. It’s not uncommon to learn about men or women killing their spouse because they wanted a divorce or annulment.
I will trust in the Lord and place myself in His Hands! God Bless you all!

 

[faithsmind]

I went through the exact same situation. My best advice, if I were to do it over again, is to wait, and then wait some more in proceeding with the annulment. This is not the first time your Tribunal has dealt with this situation, so your advocate will advise you on procedures that are meant to protect you, but there are not many. The point of the annulment investigation is to find out the truth, not to protect people from violent situations. And you will want them to find out the truth. The fear I had affected the outcome of the case, taking it in the wrong direction because I didn’t want to anger him and place grounds on him. The marriage was not declared null as a result. I started a new process with new witnesses and sturdier grounds this time. I am thinking more clearly and am in a better, healthier place in my life than I was at that time.

An immediate annulment procedure is very dangerous with the threat of your ex’s rage, and there really is no way to stop him from finding out. You will want these emotions to level out a bit. And if you intention is to start a new relationship immediately , take note that this is unhealthy. I felt the same need, as I found my identity, security and worth in my partner, and this is a common trait in abuse victims. You will not want to go into a new relationship with these same addictive needs. Statistics show that you will wind up with a new abuser, most likely a worse one. Seek counseling for yourself, first. Seek your worth in Christ, in working towards and achieving objective goals, and also in developing trust and respect with other female friendships. These are all things I am still working on, and they don’t happen overnight. It is a lifetime of self-defeating and blaming thinking habits that need to be changed, and it’s difficult, but you will get there. Rosaries help too.

 

[1ke]

Yes everyone, I realize a divorce comes first and it will be finalized in less than one month. Thank you for your guidance. My concern is in the manner in which the Tribunal protects not only themselves when they contact my soon to be ex, but myself. If you’ve never been in an abusive relationship, it’s difficult to understand the fear of your spouse. It’s not uncommon to learn about men or women killing their spouse because they wanted a divorce or annulment.
I will trust in the Lord and place myself in His Hands! God Bless you all!

The tribunal is experienced in these matters. Give them a copy of the order of protection. They will handle it from there.

 

[1ke]

I went through the exact same situation. My best advice, if I were to do it over again, is to wait, and then wait some more in proceeding with the annulment. This is not the first time your Tribunal has dealt with this situation, so your advocate will advise you on procedures that are meant to protect you, but there are not many. The point of the annulment investigation is to find out the truth, not to protect people from violent situations. And you will want them to find out the truth. The fear I had affected the outcome of the case, taking it in the wrong direction because I didn’t want to anger him and place grounds on him. The marriage was not declared null as a result. I started a new process with new witnesses and sturdier grounds this time. I am thinking more clearly and am in a better, healthier place in my life than I was at that time.

An immediate annulment procedure is very dangerous with the threat of your ex’s rage, and there really is no way to stop him from finding out. You will want these emotions to level out a bit. And if you intention is to start a new relationship immediately , take note that this is unhealthy. I felt the same need, as I found my identity, security and worth in my partner, and this is a common trait in abuse victims. You will not want to go into a new relationship with these same addictive needs. Statistics show that you will wind up with a new abuser, most likely a worse one. Seek counseling for yourself, first. Seek your worth in Christ, in working towards and achieving objective goals, and also in developing trust and respect with other female friendships. These are all things I am still working on, and they don’t happen overnight. It is a lifetime of self-defeating and blaming thinking habits that need to be changed, and it’s difficult, but you will get there. Rosaries help too.

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it helps the OP.

 

[Melissa]

I did not seek an annulment (and have no intentions of doing so) but he did do jail time for violating my second order of protection (the first was a temporary full OoP, the second was a permanent “class B”, which he took to mean as though there were no order of protection in place and he began stalking me from that date until he was arrested for stalking me). So it is from that place that I’m going to provide my advice.

First … the order of protection is really nothing more than a sentence-enhancer if there is a violation. If you have a full stay-away, then proximity would be a violation (and use it … don’t do anything less than call the police and file the complaint and request full prosecution and co-operate with the prosecution throughout the event any time there is a violation. No second chances, no backing down). Remember that otherwise, it will protect you from fist/bullets/etc as well as any other random piece of paper.

Second, an annulment is not necessary if you are willing to live as a chaste, separated spouse (remembering that you are still married and not free to date, even though it is not safe to live with your spouse). Even if you are going to pursue an annulment, your case would not be weakened if you wait to start the process–you don’t have to dive into it as soon as the ink is dry on the divorce decree.

When/if you do go forward with seeking an annulment, talk to people who are knowledgeable about the process face-to-face about what can be done to protect those who might be at risk.

 

[faithsmind]

And I don’t know if she went through an address protection program like I did through the state, but I would hire someone privately instead, and move after setting up the house under a trust through a random business name if you can. I was not at all impressed by the public address protection program.

 

[Norseman82]

If you are concerned about your physical safety, take some self defense courses. If necessary, learn how to use a firearm and get your concealed carry permit (but only if you are prepared to use it to defend yourself, otherwise if he overpowers you he could use it against you).