Our way of communicating

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goodcatholic

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I am a firm believer in respectful but honest communication. Authenticity as opposed to fake. Fake communication can be manipulative and usually has a secret agenda.
For instance, we can butter someone up if we want something from them. But is that Christian?
Some of us mean well but the words come out wrong. We think we are being “authentic” but actually it is coming across as rude and opinionated. It’s all about communication skills.
If we are coming from a place of respect for “other children of God”, I think that is a good starting point. People can sense when they are patronised. If our communication is genuine and effective, we are really living Gospel values.
Even on here, on CAF. How we respond to each other is indicative of whether we are trying to pass on the love. God’s love. But we have to have God’s love first, otherwise we cant pass it on.
People say content is more important than communication style. I totally disagree. Our way of communicating is everything.
 
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I fully agree. And I think it involves a lot of what is now called Emotional Intelligence. Fancy new term for perception, empathy, and sensitivity. But we come here form all kinds of personal spaces, moods and agendas no since we cannot see each other or relate face to face it is more difficult to communicate.

Think of all the people you encounter face to face. What a variety there is. Even in our own parish we will not connect with every one. Usually we just dont associate with those. But here our words are all right there for all to see. I think it is much easier to get into an argument here. In person we would probably drop it and go talk with someone else.
 
Shakuhachi said:
I think it is much easier to get into an argument here. In person we would probably drop it and go talk with someone else.
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That’s true. In some ways I prefer online communication though. We don’t hold back as much. Closer to our authentic selves?
 
Yes, that’s what is most disturbing. This is who we really are.
 
The irony of this thread is that people may get the impression that I see myself as the benchmark, the perfect role-model for all you poor communicators. 🙂 On the contrary, I am a work in progress. And my posts will often reflect my current mood.
I will sometimes be provocative out of boredom. Now I that is sinful I admit. If I can in any way justify that, it is that I see a need to be devil’s advocate. To state an alternative perspective. Otherwise we can become like echo chambers here.
I can be rather childish I have been told. Sometimes it is better I don’t post at all.
So yeah I have a long way to go. I’ve seen much wiser posters than me here, who don’t take themselves seriously either. They are the benchmark for me.
 
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Yes.

(After my long reply earlier today, I thought I would try a shorter one. 😃)
 
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Sometimes no communication is more beneficial!
 
You see, honesty in itself is a virtue. If the words come out wrong, who defines how they come out wrong? If someone cannot understand brute honestly or frankness without throwing a fit, then how should we profess it? Mask our words? Use sugary phrases? Yes, that is a way. And it is a charitable way. But I also see nothing wrong with pure honesty.

For example. A man lied to his wife that he hasn’t been having an affair with his mistress. If she asks him, it is his duty to say he was. She can interpret it as she wishes. If it was a fling, of the passionate instance, several years ago, and he feels deeply repentant over his mortal sin, it is also her own business to interpret that information. Honesty in this case is the best policy. And on her part, her honesty in reaction, is absolutely her best option.

However, communication has to be offered in the knowledge of our mortal and earthly life. Our utterances are not be all end alls. The way we speak with each other must be clear at all times.As Marcus Aurelius says, “be straight, not straightened.”
 
LoyalViews said:
You see, honesty in itself is a virtue. If the words come out wrong, who defines how they come out wrong?
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That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard! Where were you when God was handing out brain cells?
 
In my mother’s womb, without a clue as to how my words would impact someone. But I knew early on I could grow a backbone.

See what I was getting at? 😛

We are each and everyone a child of God. That ought to be the foremost, the uttermost, in our treatment of each other. And if it is out of love, then one will be honest, but not insulting. There’s a difference between honesty and an insult. I agree with you!
 
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LoyalViews said:
There’s a difference between honesty and an insult.
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Is there? An insult might be the perfect vehicle for my honest feeling towards you. I agree that insults are not the only form of honesty. I think we are getting towards the territory of free speech here, which is slightly outside my intended parameters.
I’m thinking more in a Christian context and on Christian forums, with our family and friends and fellow parishioners. Respect and honesty are sometimes at cross purposes too…
 
I wish I was Winston Churchill. He delivered the most eloquent fractions of honesty with class and grace. I’m only human 🤒

I find though, with family and friends, in the way I’ve developed being brought up in the family I’ve been fortunate enough to be born to, we just speak to each other in that way. Praise the good, chastise the bad. My parents never, ever, minced their words with me. Indeed, my grandparents, who were absolute saints (I hope), delivered a message with brute honesty and reverence even, toward the absolute truth.

On the context of Christian forums, I agree with you - we ought to be lovely and grand, but sometimes when it comes to what we know is absolutely wrong, it might warrant a bit of nudity regarding our language. But, not without prayer for anyone, indeed it is our duty to love everyone - because we are that everyone. I am the everyone to you, and to each poster here on the forum. I am anybody. And I hope to be treated with honesty, and kindness. It’s a tough love sort of thing. And I admit that I could be wrong!
 
LoyalViews said:
I find though, with family and friends, in the way I’ve developed being brought up in the family I’ve been fortunate enough to be born to, we just speak to each other in that way. Praise the good, chastise the bad. My parents never, ever, minced their words with me. Indeed, my grandparents, who were absolute saints (I hope), delivered a message with brute honesty and reverence even, toward the absolute truth.

On the context of Christian forums, I agree with you - we ought to be lovely and grand, but sometimes when it comes to what we know is absolutely wrong, it might warrant a bit of nudity regarding our language. But, not without prayer for anyone, indeed it is our duty to love everyone - because we are that everyone. I am the everyone to you, and to each poster here on the forum. I am anybody. And I hope to be treated with honesty, and kindness. It’s a tough love sort of thing. And I admit that I could be wrong!
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I think a lot of people might agree with what you’re saying here. it depends on our family culture. I was raised in a fairly well-mannered family. My father never ever used the “f” word or anything similar. He was a gentle soul.
I’ve come to prefer honesty with tact. Now if my friend were to say to me “Ron if you were any fatter, I’d call the police”, I’d feel insulted. I wouldn’t see the funny side. because I am fat. I am sensitive about my weight. Now you might say I am being overly sensitive but I think we have to gauge other people. As somebody said before, “use our emotional intelligence”. Depends on the person.
But every person has at least one sore spot. Where they don’t like to be teased. And I thinik we need to respect that.
 
My God. I draw the line there as well. I would never use someone’s weight, speech impediment, or nervous reaction such as ticking or fumbling or stuttering or whatever against them. That’s outright disrespectful.

I agree. That’s why I value the virtue of honesty. Honesty is honesty, and honesty is admittance or obedience to pure truth and admitting it. It’s a philosophical precept. It exists in the realm of communication. Communication does not depend on someones physical nor outward expression and existence. You’re blessed to have had such a gentle father. Mine never cursed either, but he was a professor and he was, frankly, uncensored.
 
goodcatholic said:
… It’s all about communication skills.
If we are coming from a place of respect for “other children of God”, I think that is a good starting point. People can sense when they are patronised. If our communication is genuine and effective, we are really living Gospel values.
Even on here, on CAF. How we respond to each other is indicative of whether we are trying to pass on the love. God’s love. But we have to have God’s love first, otherwise we cant pass it on.
People say content is more important than communication style. I totally disagree. Our way of communicating is everything.
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Commincating … in an ideal world and that’s include CAF, it should be respectful and courteous. There is a guideline on how to word our posts (in the earlier format).

Respect and courtesy go a long way, whether it is in agreeing, disagreeing and correcting, no matter who we are in real life position.

But it is not always an ideal world, and the difficulty lies in how to control ourselves in giving a measured response so that it will not go down in the path of wreckage and devastation.
 
“You are immature and insensitive.” An insult.

Better to say, “your comments seem to me to indicate a lack of maturity and sensitivity.”

Is that an insult also?
 
Well, there is always going to be a judgement. At least own it as such “it seems to me”.
 
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