Out of control Student - what should I do?

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Hi there, I am a young woman and just got a new job at out church this year as the Director of Religious Education. I usually only work directly with kindergarten age kids and the confirmation class (9th graders). However this past week a teachers aide was absent for the 7th grade class so I was helping her out. There was a 13 year old girl in her class who was very disruptive and attention seeking. She was constantly talking about how much she hates church and God and that she’s an atheist. She would talk about drinking and having sex etc. She was also very disrespectful to the teacher by interrupting her and talking back. I know that she is probably just seeking negative attention and crying out for help but I don’t know how to go about doing that. I have small children myself and have never had to deal with teens. All the 35 kids in my confirmation class are very respectful and even if they don’t agree with the Church teachings they’ve never brought it up in class. I talked with her mother and she didn’t really seem too concerned so I’m not sure what to do. The teacher is very fed up with her but I think she needs these classes and I do not want to kick her out. Thank you in advance for any advice.🙂
 
You talk to the girl and tell her that her behavior in class is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. You tell the parent the same thing. If she does not behave, you call the parent and inform them that the parent will have to sit in class WITH the child in order for her to be allowed back in class. (usually just the threat of a parent having to sit with them in class is enough for this age group. but if there is a mental health issue even that may not work)

If behavior does not change, you order a teach-at-home kit (most publishers have a teach at home option you can get for their series) and you put the responsibility on the parents, where it belongs.

I don’t put up with nonsense.
 
I don’t work with kids, I work with adults. But when we have people who have special needs – especially those in the Inquiry portion of RCIA – we work with them one on one. I wonder if that might work for this girl. She would get the attention she craves and wouldn’t disrupt the class for other students. Since one adult with one child is probably not a safe combination, a parent would probably also have to attend. I guess my thought is to treat her with love and respect and address the issues she raises…but also try to get her to a point where she can rejoin her class.
 
I’m assuming you did this, but make sure you mention to her Mom the details of her disruptions (sex, drinking). If I had a 13 year old, I would definitely want to know and would be very concerned. If Mom is still not alarmed, she might be aware of her (hopefully attention-seeking) outbursts and hopes church will help, or she’s just not a very active parent. It’s always hard to tell what the situation is like at home.

If you’re comfortable with it, I would pull her out of a full class for a discussion with you. If there’s anyone that she listens to, it might be a good idea to have them present too. Manners are universal. Explain that it makes no difference if she chooses to identify as atheist, Jewish, Buddhist, or Catholic, manners are required, and that includes not interrupting when others speak and respecting the teacher. Rude behavior is just rude, and her beliefs don’t excuse her for that.

Now, the second part about religion is more tricky. I would ask her why she continues to attend class if she despises it so much? Is someone making her or is she electing to? In either case, what are her specific objections? Make her explain her beliefs, not just say she “hates church/God/etc.” Why does she? Hopefully these questions clear up whether she’s just looking for attention or she has actual problems with what’s being taught. If she has real issues, let her vent and explain where she’s coming from. Who knows what her past is or what experiences she may have had that could lead to this sentiment, but her doubts certainly deserve to be heard by someone who cares about her (and it seems like you do!). I think that with all these cards on the table, you could have a more constructive conversation with her about her beliefs and actions in class. It’s always easier to talk to someone (including 13 year olds) when you know where they’re coming from.

If she continues to disrupt class by proclaiming her hate for church/God, make her explain why in front of the class in a debate style. If she wants to announce her beliefs then she’s going to have to defend them. Force her to go beyond “It’s stupid” and give you real information. It will get her thinking about what she really believes and will probably bring up a lot of great questions/learning points for the class. I don’t know how you personally feel about religion, but I believe that a little debate can start a really great discussion. It’s important (again, in my personal opinion) that both she and the class learn to respect the beliefs of others and be able to discuss it in a manner that is not offensive to either party.

Finally, props to you for wanting to help her! As they say, it takes a village to raise a child, and I hope you can have a positive influence in her life.
 
travissbeloved said:
Hi there, I am a young woman and just got a new job at out church this year as the Director of Religious Education. I usually only work directly with kindergarten age kids and the confirmation class (9th graders). However this past week a teachers aide was absent for the 7th grade class so I was helping her out. There was a 13 year old girl in her class who was very disruptive and attention seeking. She was constantly talking about how much she hates church and God and that she’s an atheist. She would talk about drinking and having sex etc. She was also very disrespectful to the teacher by interrupting her and talking back. I know that she is probably just seeking negative attention and crying out for help but I don’t know how to go about doing that. I have small children myself and have never had to deal with teens. All the 35 kids in my confirmation class are very respectful and even if they don’t agree with the Church teachings they’ve never brought it up in class. I talked with her mother and she didn’t really seem too concerned so I’m not sure what to do. The teacher is very fed up with her but I think she needs these classes and I do not want to kick her out. Thank you in advance for any advice.🙂
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I think that Catholic education programs need to have policies and standards regarding these issues. They can and do come up.

There are some parents out there who seem to think they can just drop off their kids to CCD and they’ve done their part. :rolleyes:

I would talk to the director of religious education or whoever is in charge, call the parents (ideally the father since talking to the mother doesn’t seem to help) and find a solution.

This kind of nonsense would not fly in most public schools and sometimes I think that kids think they can get away with more at religion class because it’s not always as structured.
 
travissbeloved said:
Hi there, I am a young woman and just got a new job at out church this year as the Director of Religious Education. I usually only work directly with kindergarten age kids and the confirmation class (9th graders). However this past week a teachers aide was absent for the 7th grade class so I was helping her out. There was a 13 year old girl in her class who was very disruptive and attention seeking. She was constantly talking about how much she hates church and God and that she’s an atheist. She would talk about drinking and having sex etc. She was also very disrespectful to the teacher by interrupting her and talking back. I know that she is probably just seeking negative attention and crying out for help but I don’t know how to go about doing that. I have small children myself and have never had to deal with teens. All the 35 kids in my confirmation class are very respectful and even if they don’t agree with the Church teachings they’ve never brought it up in class. I talked with her mother and she didn’t really seem too concerned so I’m not sure what to do. The teacher is very fed up with her but I think she needs these classes and I do not want to kick her out. Thank you in advance for any advice.🙂
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I teach Confirmation class to a much smaller group (13) than yours. I encourage them to talk and give their opinions. When they aren’t in agreement with Church teaching, we spend time discussing it. I have found that explaining Church teachings in depth–verbatim and then in “their” language-- helps almost every time.

Sorry to be off topic, but what do you suspect they disagree with?
 
1ke said:
You talk to the girl and tell her that her behavior in class is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. You tell the parent the same thing. If she does not behave, you call the parent and inform them that the parent will have to sit in class WITH the child in order for her to be allowed back in class. (usually just the threat of a parent having to sit with them in class is enough for this age group. but if there is a mental health issue even that may not work)

If behavior does not change, you order a teach-at-home kit (most publishers have a teach at home option you can get for their series) and you put the responsibility on the parents, where it belongs.

I don’t put up with nonsense.
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This is the best advice so far on this thread. One thing I learned a long time ago when dealing with groups of people, whether children (teens) or adults, always be strict and demand respect from the group from the very beginning. You always can ease up on the group later on if warranted. However, it is almost impossible to regain the respect of a class once you have lost it, and it is also difficult to impossible to “toughen up” after you have started on an easy note.
Never forget that students learn more from a teacher they respect than one they are indifferent about…and respect has to be earned, largely by demanding it from the very beginning.
 
travissbeloved said:
Hi there, I am a young woman and just got a new job at out church this year as the Director of Religious Education. I usually only work directly with kindergarten age kids and the confirmation class (9th graders). However this past week a teachers aide was absent for the 7th grade class so I was helping her out. There was a 13 year old girl in her class who was very disruptive and attention seeking. She was constantly talking about how much she hates church and God and that she’s an atheist. She would talk about drinking and having sex etc. She was also very disrespectful to the teacher by interrupting her and talking back. I know that she is probably just seeking negative attention and crying out for help but I don’t know how to go about doing that. I have small children myself and have never had to deal with teens. All the 35 kids in my confirmation class are very respectful and even if they don’t agree with the Church teachings they’ve never brought it up in class. I talked with her mother and she didn’t really seem too concerned so I’m not sure what to do. The teacher is very fed up with her but I think she needs these classes and I do not want to kick her out. Thank you in advance for any advice.🙂
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I would talk to the pastor, you can’t have that going on. You may suggest to the pastor that he ask her mother to withdraw her from Confirmation class. She cannot or should not be confirmed while in that state of mind, she would be commiting sacralege.

Linus2nd
 
Thank you everyone for your advice. Linus she is not a confirmation candidate she is in 7th grade. I think I will have a sit down with her and get to the bottom of why she’s acting out. I am interested in why she feels the way she does and if there is a difficult home situation. I used to be troubled when I was her age too and thank God I got my act together and reverted to my Catholic faith. That’s probably why I have a soft spot for trying to help her instead of just telling her mom to teach her at home. If I cannot seem to get through to her then her mother will have to come sit in class with her. I just want to avoid kicking her out at all possible.
 
Definitely try to find out if there’s something going on. Particularly given the mother’s indifference, you could have a child who blames God for the problems in her life. An absent “Catholic” parent can do much to turn children away from God. There could also be someone in her life teaching her these things.
 
travissbeloved said:
Thank you everyone for your advice. Linus she is not a confirmation candidate she is in 7th grade. I think I will have a sit down with her and get to the bottom of why she’s acting out. I am interested in why she feels the way she does and if there is a difficult home situation. I used to be troubled when I was her age too and thank God I got my act together and reverted to my Catholic faith. That’s probably why I have a soft spot for trying to help her instead of just telling her mom to teach her at home. If I cannot seem to get through to her then her mother will have to come sit in class with her. I just want to avoid kicking her out at all possible.
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That is a good approach.

Her behavior in class is demonstrating a hard heart. Hard hearts don’t respond to more discipline except to get harder.

Even if displine worked to keep her in line and quiet, nothing in class would be getting into her mind because she would still be hard and closed. And if she felt hurt by more disipline then it might send her further away from religion.

One solution is what Jesus did for sinners, and that was to sit down with them at the dinner table and have a heart to heart with them. Try to win them by understanding and kindness. Once her heart is softened, she may become your star pupil.

Now how to do that, to open her up, is another good question. Just off the top, if you can, you may want to have breakfast with her and just befriend her. It is what you mentioned in your post. That is very good of you and that may work.

Her parents may not be just dumping their responsibily on you as someone said, but just wishing that this class may help her. They too could be searching for an answer.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
That poor girl is struggling and angry, sounds like. Perhaps God put you in her path to be a mentor? Think about what her home life must be like!
Anyway, prayers!!!

:hug1:
 
If you don’t already have it, get a copy of *Religious Education and the Law: A Handbook for Parish Catechetical Leaders *by Mary Agnes Shaughnessy, SCN.

It’s full of helpful information regarding policies, procedures, documenting issues etc.

I bought my copy used from either amazon or alibris.
 
fred_conty said:
Just off the top, if you can, you may want to have breakfast with her and just befriend her.
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An adult employee or volunteer for the parish cannot take a child out for breakfast unaccompanied or anywhere else. That would violate safe enviornment policy. An adult cannot be alone with a child, especially something like taking them somewhere off the parish campus.
 
1ke said:
An adult employee or volunteer for the parish cannot take a child out for breakfast unaccompanied or anywhere else. That would violate safe enviornment policy. An adult cannot be alone with a child, especially something like taking them somewhere off the parish campus.
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In our parish from time to time one of the parish organizations sponsors a breakfast, and we have coffee and donuts every Sunday.

I’m sure if she asked her parents, they would give permission.

May God our Father give you grace and peace.
 
I’ve been teaching 6th-grade Catechism for 10 years. Throw her out of Rel Ed permanently. You owe it to all the other students in her class.
 
Wow. I was that teenaged girl. I’d hate to think where I would be had I been treated like that. Instead, I was treated with patience and kindness. Those true Christians will never see the fruits of their actions, unfortunately.

OP, please ignore this advice!
 
Likewise, disruptors will never see the fruit of their actions either, unfortunately.

Kids who interfere with other children learning hurt the entire class. Anyone ejected can repent and come back. In the meantime, most of my sympathy lies with those who behave and want to learn.

But nobody has to agree with me.
 
kkollwitz said:
I’ve been teaching 6th-grade Catechism for 10 years. Throw her out of Rel Ed permanently. You owe it to all the other students in her class.
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SurlyMermaid said:
Wow. I was that teenaged girl. I’d hate to think where I would be had I been treated like that. Instead, I was treated with patience and kindness. Those true Christians will never see the fruits of their actions, unfortunately.

OP, please ignore this advice!
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I get where kkollwitz is coming from.

I was a CCD teacher with a disruptive student. We sat down and talked to him. We talked to his parents. We tried patience and kindness. We tried discipline. And for the entire year, I dealt with a classroom full of disruptions. It was a nightmare.

Yes, we want to teach every child. We hope that they all feel welcome. But the parents and the student must do their part. And if we take the option of removing the disruptive child from the classroom off of the table, we effectively tie the teacher’s hands.
 
We have students from our local Catholic HS sit in the class with those kids who are disruptive. In most cases it seems to work. If the child gets too disruptive they go with the HS student and sit in a time out area. If that doesn’t work ask the parent to come sit in the class with their child.
 
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